Tommy I am 66 year old and bi polar. I have gone through a number of marriages and ended up now back with the first woman I married nearly 40 years ago. One thing I have learned is that you cannot rush things. We cannot understand, until much later if at all how much damage our words can do when we are in a destructive manic mold. Verbal abuse can be as bad if not worse than physical abuse. Thank God I never physically harmed anyone I was with, but I destroyed them with words.
More words, now to your wife wheter good or bad will mean little to her. Face it she does not trust you, she does not believe you and right now she wants nothing to do with you. That may or may not change, but I can guarantee one thing, if you don't man up and back off realizing the harm you have done you will never , ever get her back. In my case I was married to three other women and lived with another while my first wife, the only woman I loved remaried got her life back. Her husband left her three years ago, and last year I suffered a severe brain hemorrhage. We kept a close relationship over the years because of our children and she was the first person I remember seeing when I woke form a 6 week coma in the ICU.
Two months later when I finally was released from the hospital I learned she had moved into my house, with the ok of our daughter. When I arrived home, it was repainted, the furniture was rearranged and the the kitchen was never cleaner. That was seven months ago. We still have different rooms but that is slowly changing as we are planning a vacation in about a month.
In my case it took 27 years and a near death experience for her to even want to try and trust me again. She is 14 years younger than I am and a professional, she does not need me as much as I need her. What I am trying to tell you is that things take time and sometimes time can make things better or worse. The only advise I can give you is man up and for now move on with your life. See other people, stay on you medication join a group for support, don't self medicate. You may find someone whom you love again and you may noit, but if you follow her arround like a cat looking for some food to eat, or if you call her all the time you will be hurting yourself more than you will hurt her.
I don't know what else to tell you, you cannot put the toothpaste back in the tube, and telling her you are sorry is meangless to her now. If you can really change which is very hard for us she will see it, but only when she is ready to and if she wants to.
If you loose her it may be what you deserve. I hate to be harsh, but I find that unless I am equally hard on myself I can too easily revert to the person I had been, and no one liked that very much, including me.