How do you forget the past and move on?

I only recently found out I was Bi-Polar (within the past few years) and before that I did not know my previous actions were because of the BP.   I actually started taking antidepressants for severe migraines and then my primary care doctor started to get the sense I might be suffering from depression or BP.  

Now after therapy I am remembering all the things I did.    I lost my marriage, moved out of state away from my family and friends.  I am remarried now however I still hold onto the past because I am still in it (if that makes sense).   I didn't want to leave all those people or my home, but I was out of control at that time.

Do you just let it go?  Is it possible?   I have addiction issues and I really think it is because of that whole unresolved heartbreak.

Hi Cheryl,

I have found Lucinda Drayton's CD beneficial in this regard. Acceptance, forgiveness (including self-forgiveness), letting go with gratitude, and future vision.

The best thing you can do for your past is to make your present the best it can be. You CAN take your grief with you, as you keep living in the present moment. It is possible to do both. Grief doesn't just disappear, nor should it. It is a valid emotion in response to losing things or people you value highly and enriches your life. Nor is guilt necessarily a bad emotion. It indicates that we have a conscience. But there is a point where we have to discern what is justified guilt and what is unjustified guilt. We can still forgive ourselves with justified guilt.

Did you ask for the illness? No
Did you know what was happening at the time? No
Did you know how to manage your illness at the time? No
Did you mean to hurt anyone? No

I'm not saying that you may not have hurt a lot of people very deeply, like most of us have. But what comes across very clearly in your post is that you had no intention whatsoever of hurting the people you loved and who loved you. There is sometimes room to repair relationships and sometimes that isn't possible for a variety of reasons. Sometimes even when a relationship can't be repaired, it can be very healing for both parties for genuine remorse to be expressed and received. Sometimes that contact is not possible for a variety of reasons and we are left to do that healing on an inner level ourselves.

It can also be tempting to fall into a romanticised version of the past. Your first husband was a mere human, had strengths and weaknesses and made mistakes. It's never been all your fault, just because you suffer from BP. Each person in your past made their own share of mistakes. They can't mistakes atm, coz they are memories. All humans are inherently fallible. Your current husband will never be able to live up to a romanticised image because he is there beside you in the gritty reality of everyday life.

There is also such thing as running away backwards, to be wary of. Remember the past, grieve it, but just make sure you are not using it as something to run back to. I think it is a fair expectation that we have let prior lovers go when we embark on a new relationship. The reality, like you're experiencing, is that sometimes past issues resurface. I'd be very careful about letting the past that didn't work out (for whatever reason) impact on your current marriage. (Otherwise it too, could turn into another BP statistic :( ). You can't change what has happened in the past. While you might be able to repair a few things, I hope it is not at the cost of the new life you have successfully created for yourself. (Well done btw!).

Treasure your newfound awareness and health. Be proud of the new life you have created for yourself. It's fantastic you have got to the place you have! Enjoy it!

We have all done things in the past that we regret or think about alot, like I should have done this, etc.  What good does it do to keep re-thinking things that are in the past (where they should stay)?  The past is gone, the future is yet to be.  The only way I feel happy and content is to live for now, in the moment of what is going on right now.  Try thinking about, what is working right now (if it ain't broke, don't fix it), what is not working (what actions can you take to correct it) and what about yourself that you would like to change.  95% of the things we worry about never happen and the other 5% are beyond our control.

I tr to live each day so that when I lay my head on my pillow at night, no regrets, no matter how cappy of a person I was years ago - it just doesn't matter anymore.  Lie yu life right now as it is and be happy, no one is going to do it for you.

Gem

Thank you so much for the ideas and advice.  Luckily my family is in driving distance so I don't have to fly.  I do go there 90% of the time by myself.  Hubby stays home with the dogs and I go for a few days.