I think my wife is Bi-Polar but she does not think so - please help.....

I am happy to find this site!!!   I have been married for 11 years, we have two kids together and a child from a previous marriage of hers.  The longer we are married the more that comes out regarding all of her issues.  I think, based on what I have read, and what a phychiatrist told her that she is definetly bi-polor.  She will go from one extreme to the other emotionally in the blink of an eye.  Everything is my fault, very angry sometimes at me and the kids.  Has not tolerance for anything that causes her to get out of bed, answer questions, deal with life etc., when is in a manic mode.  Her cycle tends to be bed ridden every two weeks or so.  I have to admitt I am nearing the end of my rope, the things she says and does to me and the kids are really hurtful.  The only reason I have been able to hold on this long to date is the fact I do love her and I do not want to break up my family.  When she is not manic, she is happy, fun to be around, laughing, fun, etc until the mood swings.  Its typically brought on by a series of "negative" things she has to deal with like - not being able to find a job, having no friends as she realizes she has run all her friends away.  What typically makes the normal person a little depressed or down for the day sends her to deep states of manic like depression where she does not get out of the bed unless its to eat or go to the bathroom.

She also has sleep issues like in some of the other posts I have read here.  I do not know what all she takes but I think she is on a mood stabilizer, a anti-depressent, sleep pills and something for anxiety.  She also takes ADD medication and struggles with the daily life routines like laundry, house work, etc.  She will be all over it and on top of it for a week or so, then she does nothing and gets upset because nothing has been done.  I work 60+ hours a week, half the time I come home and cook dinner, I have done laundry countless times to help get caught up - I am trying to help more but it does not seem to make a difference.  She acts appreciative and happy for a couple days then back to the deep states of depression.  The mood swings are hard to live with.

How can I get her to come to grips with the fact she needs to discuss this again with a psychiatrist?  She has been twice but always seems to find fault with the person and discount their opinions.  She tends to self diagnose her own problems. 

Help, need advise - I am near the end of the rope here. 

P.S. - worst case - anyone have any opinions on where the kids go if we do seperate?  I would want them with me, I feel better about that.

Hope to hear back soon.  Sorry for the run on sentences and bad spelling by the way.

It does seem to me that your wife could be bi-polar.   Its great that you stay by her side and are trying to find answers.

Let me tell you my story in a short version.  When I was still married to my ex I was BP but did not know it then.  I had some medical issues that added to a depression for me and then I started cycling between depression and mania.  I was in a very bad way when I took a trip on my own with a made up story of where and why I was going.  Went to Vegas and came back with this grand story (that I believed) that I wanted a divorce, wanted to move and change jobs.  I proceeded to prepare for my big move while my hubby begged and beggd for me to stay.  We went to a counselor (although I didn't want to go) and I remember my ex saying "she isn't acting like my wife, she is all over the place, moody etc etc" but the counselor never once said to us that I might need help.   Long story short -- there was a chance to fix that but it never happened.  I moved, got a job and remarried.

So please, please try to get your wife to see a counselor with you.  But before you go, try to let the counselor know what you have seen thru the years. Be careful not to blame your wife.   If she is cycling with moods, the manic state will not want to lsiten to negatives.

Hang in there and I wish you all the best.

My heart goes out to you. You are in a delicate situation because of your children. I have read some post on divorce to a BP person and custody issues. I searched " losing custody because of Bipolar". I have read you have to prove that she is unstable to care for your children. And also the court will send her for an evaluation to determine her state of mind.
My husband was a very neat , clean person always keeping in shape and always was very nice and neat. BP changed that as well even to the point of going a couple of days without showering..YUK.. I would not let him sleep in our bed when he was in that state. I am an extremely clean freak..lol. I have 4 children and my home doen't even look like if children live here. Of course they all have their own rooms plus a huge play room as well. But everything is organized. We don't even wear shoes in our home. But my point is that BP really takes our loved ones and it trys to do the same to us. I had no idea the stress and anxiety my husband was causing me.
I don't know why we stick around, I guess we end up loving them with pitty. We end up feeling sorry for them. I know they are sick, and I hate that fact. But it is extremely hard to see their behaviors change like a light switch.
My husband also the days he felt good he was affectionate always hugging me telling everyone how crazy he was about me. That was the real him. He was so crazy for me that he will still get nervous around me. And I loved that. But poof!! within a few hours he would become mute. He would not even look at me. So I hear you loud and clear.

I feel my husband did me a favor by leaving. I have always been a very strong person, once someone hurts me ONCE I am done. This is the very first time he has left us. And I am done. I feel that I have found myself again.
Even my children feel peace in our home, even though they miss their dad. they have realized the difference at home.
Are you seeking therapy? I feel that it would be a good thing for you. I know you work hard and then come home to care for your children. But in order for you to continue that you need to take care of yourself. I am in therapy and it helps. Hope nothing but the very best for you.

Hello desperateforhelp2

I know this is a difficult and painful time for you.  You, like so man of us, are dealing with a spouse that is BP.  My husband left me a week ago.  Out of nowhere he went from the loving caring husband i married..to a man that could not talk to me without hatred in his voice.  I thought when he left..i would never recover.  He has been gone a week and i am starting to feel like myself again.  I can breathe finally...It was difficult and it took all the strength i had to not give in and call him.  But i am now thinking clearly without the stress of him around.  And you know what..i am in a better place!  Its hard to see where you are going when ur mind and thoughts are all over the place.  MT4 gave me the best advice!  She said you need to focus on YOU!  And she was so right.  Once i started focusing my energy on me and not him..i did get better.  I am able to make decisions as to where i go from here.  you have children that are your life and are important to you and depend on you.  I knew what decision i had to make..i was just scared to.  But i found the courage to pick up the pieces and move on.  I take it one day at a time.  I dont try to do more than i can handle right now.  I know you will find the strength to do what you need to do..for YOU and for your children.  Best of Luck and keep coming back here.  IT HELPS!! :)