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Posted 5/27/2011 4:45 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone..I feeling like talking..or typing rather.  Im feeling a bit of anxiety today.  Over the last few days i felt better..i was coping with the separation.  My husband has been gone a week now and we have had no contact in about 4 days and on that last day he asked for his belongings.  So i decided that on saturday night i would pack up all his things and on sunday drop them off at his friends house..since i dont think i should see him.  Since saturday is fast approaching and i know that i have to pack up all his things..i guess i feel the sadness creeping in.  Im trying not to make too much of a big deal about it..just to save myself more agony..but i cant help it.  I am realizing my marriage is over.  I am taking steps to cope with this.  I am going back to church, im excersicing again...all of this to try to deal with my breakup.  Im trying to be strong and not be overcome with this terrible feeling.  I guess im rambling...i cant get my thoughts in order atm.  I want to give him his things..so that i have no more reminders of our time together because right now i cant deal with the memories.  But i am so sad that my life with him is over.  I dont want to feel this anymore.  I dont want to start crying again (i havent cried in about 5 days).  I just want to go back to the way i was before i met him.  I know it will take time..but being a naturally impatient person..i feel anxious.  I never had feelings of anxiety.  I always looked at the best side of things (much to the annoyance of my friends), but right now..i am just feeling sorry for myself i guess.  I am looking for so many distractions to occupy my mind..but its only a temporary fix.  In the end, i still have to come home to a quiet, lonely house.  Any suggestions...anyone?
Posted 5/27/2011 6:09 PM (GMT 0)
You know the old addage "Time Heals All Wounds" is actually true.....it will take time to heal, grieve, and start the next chapter of your life. I am so glad that you are getting back into church and exercising -- way to go! I have found encouragement in reading the book of Psalms in the Bible -- I pray that God would reveal his message to me while reading it and he does :) It may seem like you can take no more, but it is also true that God will not put more on you than you can handle -- believe me I have tested that one out.

Would it be helpful to have a close friend come by and help you quickly box up his things into boxes or bags and toss them in your trunk? OR maybe take them directly to that friends house where he will pick them up today? That way you will have this over with and you can start your healing...

God Bless, keep posting and I will pray for your healing and strength

Stephanie
Posted 5/27/2011 9:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Ang.. So sorry that you are feeling this way. The other day I was also Blue. My husband things are still in my home as well. He hasn't asked for them yet. Our closet is full of all his clothes and our garage and shed is full of his tools and stuff he has. I know at the beginning I was soooo MAD that I wanted to get all his clothes out of our closet, but I wasn't emotionally ready. I know in a way you are not ready either. It is too soon, I felt as if I took everything out I was losing him completely. His clothes are still there. I am not sure if still to this day I am ready for that.

I am so sorry. You are an amazing person, I am proud of you because you have put yourself first in the sense you are exercising and seeking for God's direction. It's important to me God as well. I throw all my burden upon him, because he is the only one that really knows what is happeing in my husband's brain and he is the only one that truly can get me through this difficult time. It's true when they same" Time Helps heal all wounds".

You are going to get through this. In the future you are going to look back at all this and say that it just made you stronger. It's not an easy journey but we are here, I am here for you. We are going through practically the same exact thing. I put my email up in my profile for you. If you need to talk any time I am here. Take it one day at a time.

Your Friend,

Mt4

Posted 5/27/2011 10:31 PM (GMT 0)
Ang,
You had something you valued and losing that is exceptionally painful. You are going through one of the hardest periods one can go through in life. It does feel horrible to want to cry but try not to fight it if the urge is there. (I need to take my own advice.) It is perfectly healthy to feel sorry for yourself!!! Treat yourself as you would a dear friend going through the same experience. Let yourself grieve in real time, now. In 10 years time you don't want to be still bothered by suppressed grief with this relationship. You want to be well free of this trauma and living a full, meaningful life with someone who works on their issues and recognises the impact their actions. Can't take away your pain, but can give you a cyber hug. (((((Ang))))
Posted 5/28/2011 2:37 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone for your support! I need it! Today i will be packing his things and dropping them off at his friends. I am not sure how this will affect me and i am praying for the best. Wish me luck!
Posted 5/28/2011 3:20 PM (GMT 0)
Ang... Stay Strong! I know it's so hard, Cry it out that always helps. You are such a beautiful person. You have a beautiful heart and I know down the road you will be blessed with an Amazing person to be by your side. Please know that I am thinking of you. And you will get through this my friend!
Posted 5/29/2011 2:29 AM (GMT 0)
Wanted to check on you my friend, praying that you are getting along as well as possible -- day by day it WILL get better and you will be able to put this behind you and move on -- think of all the friends you have here on the forum that you can talk to!! That will give you plenty to do! Hehe!

God Bless! Stephanie
Posted 5/29/2011 2:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Ang.. Just wanted to check in on you. I was wondering how things went for you yesterday. Hope you are doing well. I know it was probably not easy for you to pack all your husband's things. I am here for you. Let us know how you are doing.

Your friend,
Mt4
Posted 5/29/2011 10:43 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone!

Thank you so much for checking on me, its means so much!  Yesterday, was so difficult.  I took your advice and cried it out.  I tried to be strong...and asked God for strength to get through it.  I did it alone, just because it was mine to bear.  I met with him, and before i knew it, he had completly unpacked the truck and was ready to go.  We both stayed next to our cars for a bit..not really speaking.  I almost lost it!  I felt the tears coming on...and did my best to keep it all in.  I did not want to cry in front of him.  I couldnt do that to myself.  So i told him "well thats it" and got in my truck.  He didnt say to much of anything to me.  Not that i expected him too.  As i left i realized i forgot to give him his Cd's.  I txt him about that and he said he didnt care.  He said "you kept the computer so what do i want CD's for."  WOW.  After all that he put me thru, all he cared about was the computer!  That did it.  I knew then, that this chapter in my life was not only done, but i was closing the book shut!  Selfish!  So i drove home, sat at home..and decided i didnt want to spend another moment thinking about him.  I realize he will enter my mind from time to time..but i am not going to let myself feel bad anymore.  I went to church today, and realized that with God in my heart, i have NO reason to feel sad, or lonely.  He will give me the strength to recover and heal my heart.  He gave me wonderful friends online that give me support, and i will stay here to offer my support to those in need.  I will get better, and i will recover.  Thank you all so much for being here for me, during this trying and sad time.  Had it not been for all of you..i would not be able to feel this way! 

Posted 5/30/2011 12:58 AM (GMT 0)
ang77:

thank you for your example of putting your faith in God for strength. I need to do that more & make the effort to attend church too. I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself. From what you said, it was hard, frightening, and sad. You will be SO much stronger when you heal and move on. I believe God has a loving, stable, affectionate, and committed man to bring into your life in the future. It will happen in God's timing. He already knows what will happen.
Blessings
Posted 5/30/2011 4:18 AM (GMT 0)
Yea Ang!! You did it! Showing him how strong you were when you met w/o letting him see you cry, way to go girl!! You are totally right God WILL pull you through this, he has a plan for you, you are a child of God, he will not forsake you, he will deliver you past this trial, and you will become a stronger woman because of it!

Keep talking to us, we are here to lift you up and encourage you and help you through this time!

I am just so proud of ya!

God Bless you girl, Stephanie
Posted 5/30/2011 4:38 AM (GMT 0)
I applaude you Ang... you are such an amazing , strong woman. You kept it together and you should be proud of yourself. Way to go!!!! I will be seeing my husband on June 1st, I hope I am as strong as you are. You do insprire me. keep it up , you are doing great! I know your soul mate is out there somewhere and he will find you. Continue putting God first and everything else will be added to you. He sees your efforts in seek him for direction and he will bless you. You are a beautiful person, don't ever forget that.

Way to GO Girl!!
Posted 5/30/2011 7:25 PM (GMT 0)
Hi, Ang,

You don't know me, but I've been lurking and reading your posts. I just wanted to tell you that you are an inspiration to me. You're so strong, and you have a beautiful heart. I pray that the Lord will do a great work in you, and you will be a wonderful testimony to many!

God bless you!
Posted 5/31/2011 1:38 AM (GMT 0)
Hi New Covenant its Stephanie from the Christian Forum!! I forgot to tell you my name on here is BerryBlonde81 -- glad to see you have joined welcome!

Stephanie
Posted 5/31/2011 2:55 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Ang, you are right with God in your heart you will be able to get thru anything. That was very brave of you to be able to give his stuff back by yourself. Keep yor chin up!
Posted 5/31/2011 3:14 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone!  Im so happy to have found this forum and the WONDERFUL support.  You know, every day i wake up and face the day.  Before i had to motivate myself to get up and go to work.  But now, I look forward to the day.  I get up and face it with renewed spirit!  I know i made the right choice, and i know that I am not alone.  My biggest fear when all of this happened..was "will i ever find someone to love and that will love me back."  It finally dawned on me.  I love my God, and he loves me back!  With that i can face the day, and feel good about myself and all that happens around me.  I know that i have a long journey ahead of me, but with the love and support of you family, friends, and my friends here online..i am ready.  I never was one to let things just happen.  I always knew that i HAD to make things happen for me.  The pain i felt seemed to cloud my thoughts.  How does that song go..."i can see clearly now, the rain is gone" (cheesy i know) but its so true.  I can see and think clearly.  And i know i made the right choice.  Those of you out there that are still struggling with either BP, i sincerly hope that you find happiness in your life and that when you are feeling manic or depressed that God will enter your heart and help you make the best decisions for you.  I admire those of you that are taking measures to deal with this terrible illness.  You show so much strength and courage.  You did not ask for this, but you all handle the hand you are dealt with admirably.  I know the road you all travel is fraught with hardship and uncertainty..but know that I will do all i can to support you...whether it is by offering my humble advice or just listening to you when you need to talk.  And for those of us that love or have loved someone with BP, I hope you know that you DESERVE love and respect.  Please do not let your health or sanity suffer unnecessarily.  It is the hardest thing in the world to leave someone that needs help...but sometimes...that is the only way TO help.  We are the ones that are always there to rescue them, and care for them.  But who will care for us?  There is only so much we can do before we are completly exhausted.  And then that is when we start to suffer.  I have found so much will with God.  Im sorry if i sound as if i am preaching...but i believe in this with all my heart.  Trust in HIM.  Ask for help and if you do not know which direction to take...ASK HIM to guide you.  He will answer your heart.  I pray that we all find peace and happiness.   I pray that i will continue to remain strong and that my heart will heal.  Thank you everyone..for taking this stranger into your hearts and helping me find my way....

Angie

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