Feeling alone

If you want a little background on my situation you can read my first post "bipolar wife wants a divorce again". This is so hard to be in the same house with her right now. She acts like it's not a big deal and shouldn't be that upset about what's going on. I don't know where she was last night or what time she got in but she just got up for a minute and then went back to bed. Didn't say one word to our kids. I feel like I'm so alone going thru this and all the pressure is on me to take care of everything. I just wish someone in her family or one of her friends that's trustworthy would step up and try to help her. She won't listen to me because she thinks I'm trying to manipulate her. She even thought I was recording our conversation the other day when we were talking about a touchy subject with her. And then made a couple of threats about what would happen if I tried to take the kids from her. I'm really concerned about her but for some reason she doesn't trust me anymore. I've always been there for her and she knows I've been the one constant in her life. I promised her a long time ago that I would always be there for her and take care of her but if she goes thru with this I don't think I could ever do this again. I feel bad because I know it's not totally her fault and I do love her but I don't think she will ever do what she needs to do to be healthy. I just wish I had some more support for her.

Thank you very much mt4. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles and seems you are handling it very well considering the situation. I'm struggling because sometimes I start to believe all the stuff she's said to me and start to think maybe it is me. The other day when we talked she was very convincing that she didn't have a problem. She was calm and seemed rational thru most of it. But I'm not sure what to believe anymore. She hasn't had to work much lately but instead of spending much time with the kids she has been stating up late or goin to friends houses and sleeping all day. She works night shift but 4 or 5 days off should allow u to get back on a regular schedule for your kids. She hasn't really sat down and had a conversation with them in at least 2 days. They don't understand fully but they're used to mommy being this way. And I know if I bring it up she'll blame it on me and say it's because I'm still here. That's why the other night I left and went and had a drink with a buddy I hadn't seen in like 8 years and then stayed the night with my sister and her family. I thought maybe it would be good mommy and kid time. But as soon as she found out I wasn't coming back she got out of bed and started cleaning the house. I knew somethin was up and sure enough she had a few friends over. She will clean up when her friends are coming over but won't lift a finger for her family. And of course as soon as the kids got up the next day she calld me to come take care of them, which was fine with me since I'm the main one who does it and plus it was time with my kids, so she could sleep. And yes mt4 I feel the same way you do about being the only one in the marriage and also feel like a single parent most of the time. And I too can't believe some of the things she's said to me. But I just tell myself that's not really her it's the bipolar. She even told me she didn't think she could ever find someone else who could put up with her and she would probably die alone. I don't know, part of me is telling me to jump off this rollercoaster and another part is saying don't give up on her and your family and it's nit her fault she's sick.

Thank you new covenant. Your words are very helpful. I'm sorry for the things you had to go through but I'm so glad that you got yourself better. That's amazing. My question to you is what happened to you that got you turned around. I'm afraid she's never going to change or even try to. I'm so mentally, emotionally, and physically drained from all of this. I keep praying everyday that somehow she'll see what she's doing and change. It seems she's been living without guilt for a long time. How long can this last and when will she come down. Also sometimes it seems she will come down and be depressed for a couple days but go straight back up afterward. The last time she was down, about a month ago, she was in bed for 2 or 3 days and was talking about how she was going to end up crazy and was so thankful that her and the kids had me. Ever since though she has been going back up it seems. She would tell me she loved me one week and then hate me the next. I love her very much but if she goes thru with the divorce I'm going to have to be done.

Thank you both for your kind words. What happened to me that changed me was that I found God. Or He found me, which is more like it, because heaven knows, I wasn't looking for Him! I was diagnosed in 1991, and I was in treatment, but there was no significant improvement until 1994, when I was saved. Even some of that first year, I struggled with my desires and went back and forth with my personal craziness. But after a while, after I had started to develop a real relationship with the Lord, I started to improve. Don't get me wrong, I stayed on my meds and still saw my doctors, but it was a real work of God that changed me.

I still screw up. In 2005, I had no insurance and was off my meds for the first time in years. What did I do? I became hypomanic and began a sexual relationship with my neighbor. In a short time, we were married. I went back into treatment. In a few short months (my moods were still swinging), I threw my husband out and began an all-out war with him. I shattered the poor guy. Eventually, things settled down medically and I stopped swinging. But it was too late to fix the marriage. We were seperated for 4 years before we finalized our divorce.

Two years ago, I had a major depressive episode that required hospitalization. It was a bad one. It tooks months for me to be back to my old self again.

Even though I remain in treatment, I still have the occasional episode of hypomania or depression. Not serious anymore, I have a lot more control than I used to, and I have enough meds in me to choke a horse, but it does happen every now and then. A brief visit to my doctor and a small medication adjustment is usually all that is necessary.

This disease is a lifelong struggle. It cannot be cured, but it can be managed. It is a hard road. When depressed, a BPD requires love, tenderness, patience, and a feeling of security. When manic or hypomanic, he/she needs someone who is stronger than they are, NOT an enabler. They need a firm hand, not someone to clean up their messes -- they have to be made to clean up their own. They are manipulative. They are bullies. Try not to cave.

It was God who brought me out of the cesspool that was my life, and God who keeps me healthy. The mistakes are all mine.