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Posted 6/3/2011 5:40 AM (GMT 0)
I thought people might want a place just to talk about their day; sharing without needing a response:

I went for a walk to the post office. There was no mail, but enjoyed the exercise anyway. It was beautiful weather here today. I put credit on my phone even though I didn't want to (frugal) and searched for a new flatmate online (my current one is going home to NZ next week sad). I spoke to someone online who I enjoyed talking to (I have a profile to expand my social network - friends only). I rang up about some programs my case worker had given me brochures on, and put my name down. I'm about to go food shopping - which is quite a big step for me atm. My son is coming to stay this weekend and I am a bit anxious about it. He gave me a really hard time last time he was here. I have contingency plans in place in case he mucks up... I just have a bit of anxiety about it, which will dissipate once I get back into Mummy Mode. I might have a couple of people come to have a look at the room over the weekend. That's about it for me.

So....................How Was YOUR Day?

Post Edited (living well) : 6/2/2011 11:45:21 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/3/2011 5:22 PM (GMT 0)
living well:

you've started a great thread!
I'm 38 male (Bipolar II on meds); living in apartment separated from my wife of 9 yrs b/c I was emotionally & verbally abusive before I started Lamictal; we have 3 small kids under age 8.
We've been making small steady steps towards reconciliation while she emotionally heals from my abuse; she's currently out of state with our kids on family business; we've been maintaining our communication; we've talked about resuming dating; she even mentioned me staying at our home on weekends; I asked her if I'd be sleeping on the couch (like in past); but she said I'd sleep in our bed (she was implying we'd begin becoming intimate again). For a man I can't describe how extremely hard it's been regarding that; this has been going on for more months than I'm willing to share; I'll just say most couples would've been divorced by now; I'm fortunate to have a wife so patient with me; I'll end by sharing this with other separated couples (even on way to divorce) . . . if there's any possible way for you to heal the marriage, I believe your relationship will be tons stronger than ever possible; the separation can become the biggest source of strength; realize this, if your relationship can survive one of the hardest times, you & spouse will be SO much stronger than most other couples; it will be stronger than EVER possible if you hadn't suffered through this; That is the biggest thing giving me hope :) MT4 how are you doing?
Posted 6/3/2011 6:42 PM (GMT 0)
I dropped off my kid with my neighbor and picked up her kid. We went to a dog training lesson and then a thrift sale. Got home and my fiance sent an email about going camping. So I starting sorting things out. He made sandwiches for lunch. I CRASHED. All I can think about is sleeping, crying. I've had anxiety worse and worse lately.

I need to unpack my thrift sale treasures. Maybe that will make me feel better.
Posted 6/4/2011 10:08 AM (GMT 0)
Howdy, I'm glad you guys enjoy a place to unwind :-)

I've had a mixed day. I was really impressed with the degree of function I had. After doing the shopping last night, today I did the housework and washed my car. I also did some gardening. It feels so good to have my functionality starting to come back again and will enjoy it fully while it is there. A potential flatmate came over to see the house today and I'll find out his decision tomorrow. On the downside I got very angry with my ex boyfriend about his mismanagement of his issues (he admits he has stuffed up); but I gave myself permission to drop down into my real feelings: sadness. Anger is such a "tough, protective" emotion. It makes me feel safe... sadness is a much more difficult emotion. I hate feeling vulnerable. When I did finally speak to my ex I was honest; I stated that I love him and I want him to make things right so we can be together. I even allowed myself some tears! :O I was proud I had the courage to be sad. I find people often dismiss my needs in the knowledge that I will cope... and it takes me a lot of courage to remind people just because I cope, doesn't mean I don't feel or that my needs aren't as important as the next person. (Some BP partners may relate to that too). To see my genuine pain, rather than my angry facade, meant that he didn't shut down this time and he could actually support me emotionally shocked

My son has been an absolute joy to have around. We have had good chats about his world, and also had some good laughs. We are going on a little road trip for the day tomorrow :) It's a nice vibe in my home tonight cool
Posted 6/4/2011 8:34 PM (GMT 0)
Hola everyone,

I had a great day off. For the first time i wasnt dreading a day off of work. The feeling of dread came from having to figure out how to occupy my mind. I was always trying to keep myself busy (to keep the memories from creeping back in). I spent the day with my mom and sister. We had a great lunch, went to a movie, and did a little shopping. Shopping i have found to be very therapeutic :). I got home early enough to wash my truck and veg in front of the TV with another movie. I was nice to finally be able to relax and enjoy my solitude. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Angie
Posted 6/5/2011 8:39 AM (GMT 0)
I had a shocker. I'm really angry and sad. I've had a spa and I'm taking my meds and going to bed early. I'll have to shove some food into my stomach before I turn in though. My son was good and we had a lovely trip.
It was just that I was in so much emotional pain. Of course related to that bloke finally deciding today that he was going to choose his manipulative, victim-playing, selfish ex-girlfriend over me! He had no right to come near me in the first place. Yes, it's my mistake for not leaving at Christmas and I own it... but there is unavoidable pain related to it. I've taken some valium just to take the edge of it. I know that I have a huge process ahead of me in terms of letting go, but I gotta just suck it up and leave them to play their dysfunction games with each other, without it affecting my life anymore. It just sucks to be deceived and discarded. Tomorrow will be a better day.
Posted 6/5/2011 8:42 AM (GMT 0)
a mix of very cold and wet weather, study, anxiety and diarroeah. yeah not the best. charged up my mates car battery, had a visitor, seen my neighbour this morning. it is raining hard at the moment. walked the dog earlier. got some things to do tonight, yep chores so to speak. it never stops. jamie
Posted 6/5/2011 7:30 PM (GMT 0)
Today was OK. Got back from camping/fishing trip. Day 1 was awful. Ex-husband/visitation drama. Ugh. Full-out panic attack. My fiance is so clueless. :( I mean, he handles my ex- beautifully, but had no understanding what was going on with me.
Posted 6/6/2011 1:53 AM (GMT 0)
I had a pretty good day. Came back from a trip up state to my parents cabin. I cleaned the cabin and packed everything up and then my husband drove us the hour and a half trip home. I didn't fall asleep like I thought I would. Made it back in time to unpack and then take a nap. Picked up my son from my mom got gas, (OH The Price Of That Stuff), a car wash then came home paid some bills, Facebooked, applied for a loan, ate dinner, and now I am just relaxing before I head off to take a shower then to bed.

Hope everyone had a good day and my tomorrow be good too.

SLZ
Posted 6/6/2011 6:51 AM (GMT 0)
yep hoping for better days to come. jamie. keep strong everyone, jamie
Posted 6/6/2011 12:56 PM (GMT 0)

ang77 said...
Hola everyone,

I had a great day off. For the first time i wasnt dreading a day off of work. The feeling of dread came from having to figure out how to occupy my mind. I was always trying to keep myself busy (to keep the memories from creeping back in). I spent the day with my mom and sister. We had a great lunch, went to a movie, and did a little shopping. Shopping i have found to be very therapeutic :). I got home early enough to wash my truck and veg in front of the TV with another movie. I was nice to finally be able to relax and enjoy my solitude. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!
Angie

I had a good weekend as well, with the exceptions of when my wife dropped in to get minor things. I felt guilty, even though I know I have done everything possible. Fortunately those bouts only lasted a few hours.

I enjoyed having the place to myself and watching some movies, that I wanted to watch. But I, as well, am having problems with downtime and thinking too much. But I am surprised at how well I am taking things.

Post Edited (ebonyknight) : 6/6/2011 7:34:09 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/7/2011 8:11 AM (GMT 0)
I've been really angry lately and I've become exhausted because of that anger and I have rested because of that exhaustion. That is a very different strategy for me and I feel better through having rested. It's short circuited a lot of secondary and tertiary emotions. I think the recent BP diagnosis has given me the permission to be a bit gentle on myself with good results. BPD requires us to be so disciplined. I haven't thrown all those skills out the window but I think might be becoming a bit more discerning as to what is BP and what is BPD and using the most relevant strategy. Yesterday I was so angry I took a valium and went for a very long walk and had a spa. I did a heap of other things too... but it didn't touch my anger. I'm angry at my ex-partner for not being my current partner. It is his right to choose his ex-gf over our relationship but I don't like his decision. I accept it but I have a lot of emotion around it. Even in my angry state I managed to behave well at my employment service meeting and achieved a very good outcome. That situation being improved helped buoy my mood. I also plucked up the courage to have coffee with a guy I've been talking to on the internet. It was a nice, fun meeting. I'm just focussing on building up my social network for now.
I'm still so angry with my ex in that I will have to move on eventually. I don't want to move on - I love him but I will accept reality and live my life as fully as possible in time. I'm not going to rush things but I'm not going to refuse to let go either. Tomorrow I have my mindfulness group and I will try not to talk too much!
Posted 6/8/2011 10:02 AM (GMT 0)
I know this illness is tough, but gee some days are tougher than others. I gave them "crazy woman" today. Yes, I was treated poorly - but why do I have to feel so hurt about someone else's stuff??

Geeeze. If I wanted to be treated badly, I could just stay in touch with my mother - and not bother going to a "terror"py group.

All I could think of while I was sitting there is tears was "My mother would love to see me getting treated like this".

I contacted the head honcho and he was keen to separate himself and his program from the actions of his trainees.

I'm working so hard in myself to get that "solid base" back - my life just feels like a whirlwind atm; end of relationship, flatmate leaving tomorrow, financial stress, end of mindfulness group, psychiatrist away.

I'm glad I had a win with the employment service yesterday and I do have a nice community worker and I am linked in to mental health services while my pdoc is away... my flatmate and i went out for dinner tonight as a goodbye, it's not all bad... I'm just feeling so topsy turvy atm. I can't wait to start feeling strong in myself again... it feels like so long ago, even though it was just early April, I last felt good.
Posted 6/8/2011 10:11 AM (GMT 0)
sending healings to you my friend. jamie

my mate went home, i had to battle the heavy rain to see my community diabetic educator. she is relatively happy except for me having too many hypos. we discussed some options. bloody cold tonight, music on. tomorrow is a very busy day. take care everyone, jamie.
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