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question about my wife's severe compulsion

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Posted 6/14/2011 6:01 PM (GMT 0)
 

  I need some quick advice about my wife.  I'm BP II, taking meds, etc.  But my wife has problems too.  We have 3 kids (boys 7 & 5 and girl age 1).  My wife has a severe obsession about taking pictures.  I know it doesn't sound like a legit problem, but believe me it is.  Last Christmas she spent 30 mins trying to take the "perfect" pictures of our kids.  She kept on saying "stop moving, hold still, look at me!"  My 7 yr old boy ended up in tears and walked off.  She forced him back to the hellish photo "session."  A great time of her life is spent taking pictures of our kids.  Her mom doesn't help.  She actually prays the kids will take the perfect pic!  I couldn't believe it! 

    All her pics recently got deleted from her camera, my wife became unglued and burst into tears.

   Today I called her about my life insurance policy premium.  She didn't even listen and talked more about pictures.  She's a stay at home Mom and homeschools our boy.  This is really distressing.  She's also EXTREMELY codependent on her parents (they live next door unfortunately).  It seems like her only focus in life is her parents and taking pictures of our kids.

    She doesn't realize when they're teens, they won't tolerate all the picture taking and will simply not allow it. 

 Can anyone provide insight into what might be causing my wife's severe obsession with taking pictures and home videos.  We almost never even look at the pictures.  Since our kids were born, she's easily taken several thousand pics!

  Please help!!!

Posted 6/14/2011 11:09 PM (GMT 0)
When she is old, all she will have are those photos. She is creating memories.

I'm not validating her behavior, just explaining. If I lost my photos I would cry ... for days. weeks. Regret it for the rest of my life.

You're the adult. Step in. "We have 10 minutes for photos" Set the timer. The kids will cooperate better, she'll get her photos and life moves on.

Show her that your value her work. Have you ever noticed that people will say the same thing over and over until they feel they have been heard? Get an album for everyone, print out the photos, crack out the markers and colored paper and make some scrap books. Write out the stories that go with the photos - even if the story is that Mom took 47 photos before she got the "right" one. lol

It would be a fun afternoon. Maybe it will help your wife's photo interest come into balance.

XOXO
Posted 6/15/2011 5:40 AM (GMT 0)
Tortoise:

  I can't thank you enough for your response.  That's all I needed, an outside objective insight.  Your advice makes sense and helps me be more compassionate about my wife's interest.  Maybe she can later become an amateur photographer for other new parents. 

  I will keep your advice in mind the next time she has a photo session.  It will give me more patience and help me walk in her shoes as our kids get bigger each passing month.

    This has been bothering me so long;  I feel so much better.  Thanks!!

  She and I are currently separated, but each issue we resolve, no matter how small, is one step closer to our marriage being completely restored  :)  we are doing better

Posted 6/15/2011 8:50 PM (GMT 0)
987Tommy,

I think Tortoise said it all perfect. I have been married 23 years, have 7-kids ages: 12, 14, 16, 18, 19, 22, 25 and 3-grand kids ages: 5, 4, 3.

I would say she is maybe a little over compulsive if the picture taking comes down to your children getting upset. Taking and looking at pictures should be fun and making great memories for your future. Has she always been like this, like taking pics of you prior to your children being born? Or has she just recently started this? If this is causing any tension to the point you are getting very upset then I would just try to discuss it with her in a calm manner. I do think you need to step back a little and try to see it from her perspective. And maybe she can try to see it from your perspective (as in if the kids are not enjoying it then perhaps not have these full blown picture taking sessions). I think if she enjoys taking pictures so much maybe you could suggest her taking a photography class in your town or at a community college...she may really enjoy something like that.

I had almost all my childrens growing up pics destroyed in a flood. I still get very upset just thinking about this and it happened in the 90's.

Blessings to you and your beautiful family. Good luck and i wish you both the best.
Your Healingwell Friend,
Serenitee

Bipolar 2 and Borderline...Manic Depressive...Panic Disorder...
Posted 6/15/2011 11:25 PM (GMT 0)
Bravo!!! Bravo!!!

Excellent suggestions from Tortoise & Serenitee!!!

Keeps us posted 987Tommy! blush

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