New here, very lonely

Hi! I ended up here because earlier tonight I was feeling so very lonely, I felt I needed some support. I chatted with someone here and that helped me a lot. It did not make me less lonely, but it took my mind off of my own problems.

The story behind the loneliness.... I have an eating disorder and sleep apnea. The eating disorder really kicked into high gear about 8 years ago. I was completely in denial, and therefore not getting any help. I didn't know I had a problem. So I had that going on. I was misdiagnosed as straight depression for a really long time too. So there was that. On top of it is the sleep apnea which got worse and worse. Finally I was properly diagnosed with bipolar and given correct medication. So that made me feel like a new person. But the eating disorder and sleep apnea were still there, both getting worse and worse as my bipolar improved. Eventually the sleep apnea got so bad, I couldn't stay awake unless I was talking to someone or driving. I'd fall asleep sitting up for hours. Almost a year ago I got treatment for the sleep apnea, and it was like being a new person again, similar to how it was to get on mood stabilizers.

Now the sleep apnea and bipolar are under control, it's like I woke up one day and realized "I have no friends." I do actually have one very good friend. But aside from him, I have no one. I am so mad that I was misdiagnosed for so long. At the time of life when people develop careers, form lasting romantic attachments, begin families... I was either writhing on the floor in complete misery, or running around with people as crazy as me. No husband, no family, no career for me. I feel like part of my life was stolen from me. Now here I am, finally sane and awake, and the eating disorder is running my life and I feel I have nothing. I am on disability and of course dirt poor, money worries out the wazoo right now. It all just sort of ganged up on me tonight and I was sitting here crying and crying. My psychiatrist is really good, and she is doing all she can to help me feel better. But how much can medication really do when your life sucks? I have seasonal affective disorder as well, so usually summer is a good time for me. So we went down on my mood stabilizer. I guess that was premature, and has something to do with me sitting here crying.

Wow, i didn't mean to write a novel.

Anyway, the sticky at the top of the board said to create your own thread before replying to anyone else's. I hope I was somewhat coherent. Thank you for welcoming me into your community.

Hello hopeful one. Welcome to the forum. I am also new here and it seems there are very supportive people on this forum. I understand how do you feel and I have the sense that I lost my last 7 years of life 

2 weeks ago my doctor said that I had a great probability of being with a bipolar disorder. This was mainly because I was not responding to antidepressants. I just have changed meds I am feeling much better. What really frustrate me we not being diagnosed sooner but I read somewhere that only about 1/3 of people with a bipolar disorder and diagnosed.

It seems you are depressed right now. Have you tried cognitive-behavioral therapy?

 

1 step at a time. dbt is good. did it in 04, when i was dx with severe borderline personality disorder. keep strong, jamie