Advice for a friend who is BP

Unfortunately, a big part of our illness is that we don't see our actions as out of the ordinary as we get manic. I just had this happen last fall after going off my meds. I hatched up a whole plan and even convinced family and friends I should leave my marriage when it was me going further into a manic mode. Bottom line is you can't help your friend until she wants to or realizes she needs to help herself. Another unfortunate thing is that usually after the manic episode (which can last for months) a deep depression can occur. This happened to me right after I filed legal papers and left my husband. The depression hit and luckily, my husband let me come back home and I am still in the process of healing. My advice is to try to stick by her through this mania part and keep trying to get her to get treatment. Don't take things personally, and when/if she does get in a depression you will be greatly needed for love and support as well as her family.

BBU, however this works out, you are a lovely caring friend, and she is lucky to have you. You can see her illness but don't judge her for it and try your best to effect a good outcome for the entire family. They are all very lucky to have you. I don't have any answers but I am confident you will be able to at least alleviate some of this family's suffering with your gentle, appropriate manner. You have chronic ill health yourself and still you are reaching out to help others in need in a very practical way. Your spirit and generosity is commendable. I wish you, your friend and her family all the very best. LW

Bipolar is a devastating illness, denial or not. Some people feel relief that finally someone has listened to their enormous suffering and struggles despite them trying to make the best lifestyle decisions possible. No one would really get too excited over being delivered a "life sentence". That is tough - and requires shifting one's hope to getting better - to hope in getting it managed effectively. Intelligent, hypomanic bipolars can be highly effective... and when this little black duck could function - I worked in the child protection / family law area. It is from that perspective that I was/am in awe of your post. I wasn't blowing smoke up your butt - there really are not that many people with the skills and compassion to bring to a situation as fraught with difficulty and traumatic as this one. I genuinely commend you. I do think child protection needs to be the top priority here. From what you say, neither parent is in a consistent position to love, guide, protect and nurture their children at the moment. Being a mentally ill parent myself, makes me even more tuned into the delicate shades within this issue. Over the internet is not the forum, but I will make broad brush strokes to help guide you; for you to tailor to this unique situation. My perspective is that the children need to get SAFE as the highest priority, with very regular supervised contact with both parents. I think it would benefit both parents if each of their trusted supporters had a word in each of their ears and told them to get treatment for their disorders before even thinking about custody arrangement. Remind both parents that the more they can demonstrate they are complying with treatment, the more likelihood they will have for a greater slice of the custody pie. Wouldn't that be nice - both parents trying to outdo each other in getting their crap together? Ideals rarely happen in the real world but ideals are still good things to aim towards. Even if we fall short they still help put us on the right track.