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Do you feel like you're giving in by taking medication

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 6/30/2011 1:42 AM (GMT 0)
I'm new on this board.  I post frequently on the Hep C board.  My husband received a liver transplant in February. 

Anyway, I am a 54 year old woman, who, just this year was diagnosed as Bipolar II w/panic disorder and OCD.  I've always known I was 'high strung' and from time to time throughout the years I've done the therapy thing; I've been on Wellbutrin for 10+ years and Xanex for anxiety.  But after taking care of my husband (for several months - terminally ill), then the liver transplant, I fell apart.

So after the diagnosis, the doctor started medication, Lamictal (made me happy but had side effects), then he changed to Depakote, I feel tired, never happy, I mean NEVER happy, depressed and agoraphobic.

I've come to the conclusion that maybe I just need to stop the medication - afterall - am I just medicating my feelings away - I feel dead inside.

What advice to you have for this newbie?

Thank you.

Pam

Posted 6/30/2011 2:16 AM (GMT 0)
Pam

I'm so sorry about your husband.

When I started mood stabilizers (Lamictal), I experienced complete lack of pleasure for a number of months. I felt dead inside as you describe. My doctor didn't seem to care very much and just told me to exercise. Thanks a freaking lot, doc! I knew the lack of pleasure was due to the medication, but the untreated symptoms were so horrific, I persisted with the meds. The lack of pleasure went away after several months and a slight med change. (Moved from Geodon to Abilify.) I've talked with my friend who has BP 1, and he experienced a similar lack of pleasure, and also persisted because the last episode had been so terrifingly awful. I think this is pretty common, and it's a shame doctors don't warn new patients about this. I now feel a full range of emotions, just without the BP 2 symptoms. Mood stabilizers have been like being reborn and given a brand new chance at life, for me. I was lucky though... my doctor found the right cocktail of meds for me pretty quickly. Sometimes it takes a number of tries with different combinations of drugs. I recently read that Abilify is now used as an antidepressant booster for those with BP. It lifts mood without the danger of drug induced mania. My doc now has me on Nuvigil, a stimulant, to help lift me out of the depression following my last mixed/mania episode.

Have you told your doctor about these problems? Has he/she been responsive? I refuse treatment by doctors who only care about keeping me out of the hospital, like my first doctor. I now only work with doctors that care about my quality of life.

So, if you are asking advice... Before you give up on medication entirely, I would suggest that you communicate very clearly to your current doctor exactly how you feel. If he/she doesn't seem to care, move on to a new doctor if possible. If not possible, continue lobbying for a new combination of drugs.

I hope this helps.
Posted 6/30/2011 3:30 AM (GMT 0)
"Do you feel like you're giving in by taking medication"

NO! No, no, no, no. I would not be alive if not for medication!
Posted 6/30/2011 8:37 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Pam,
Congrats on making it through such a torrid time.
My response to your question is that I would feel like I would be giving in if I DIDN'T take medication.
Bipolars need mood stabilisers to live a normal life. What would be the benefit of throwing that amazing opportunity away? Personally I see none but you are welcome to disagree.
You and your husband seem to have gone through the mill for quite some time and I hope both of you will be in the position to have the health to start enjoying life a little more, very soon.
All the very best,
LW x
Posted 6/30/2011 11:36 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Pam,

You have been through alot of stressful events. Having a very ill spouse whether you have a mood disorder or not has to be tough. In answer to your question, No, I do not think you are giving in. I think you realize that you need some help and you are trying to take care of yourself. I am not on meds now, I had a long run with everything out there and nothing worked for me. I still have highs and lows but they are not as severe as before. I have to be careful what I eat (no caffeine, no junk, no alcohol) and maintain a consistant exercise routine, plus I take vitamins, all this is the only way I can stay well. It is work and if I slide back into my old habits, not good. Please talk to your Dr., hopefully the two of you can get you to a good place.

Take care!

Gem
Posted 6/30/2011 12:40 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone for your advice. I really needed to hear it. We have been through a difficult time and sometimes I think - it was no big deal - I should be able to deal with it. I have an appointment to see my doctor on the 7th. I will talk to him about what's going on. Again, thank you so much. Pam
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