Feeling Low

I'm feeling a bit low. I am feeling a bit lonely just atm. But the good news is I'm slowly introducing little things into my life to make me more engaged in life. (I can't do too much otherwise I get overwhelmed). I started tai chi last week and I'm starting an hour volunteer work this week. I've had three issues that I haven't been able to resolve for months now. And although I make tincy progress (most of it acceptance) I am starting to feel depressed about the issues still sitting there unresolved. Of course with bipolar, it is possible my mood mightn't be related to what I think it is, it could be just the emotional bucket in my brain spilling sad water out. Because I just had a massive 3 month low of acute suicidality; I'm scared if I don't manage this low properly, it could escalate down that path. It probably won't; afterall, I'm on a mood stabiliser that bring me relief for the very first time in my 39 years; so that is pretty cool!!!
Also my son has had acute mental health issues lately. He has been running away from home and refusing to go to school. I've been so proud of myself how I have managed to keep the lines of communication open with him, validating his feelings, but not accepting bad behaviour. I have been proud of how I have negotiated with his (fantastic) school that he not attend classes, but attend school while his mental health is in an acute phase. The same with staying home. Expectations are lower for the time being and he is staying put. I'm really disappointed in the child and mental health system. Australia is a first world country with universal health care, but it's mental health care of children and young people in my state equates to systemic neglect of minor's basic needs imho. As a disability pensioner with an income of $350 per week, I have to pay $600 in 6 weeks time for my son to have one appt with a private pdoc, because the public system won't respond at all to his needs. Yes, I know I am very fortunate Australia has social welfare for the disabled but my son is in crisis and as a mother it pains me not to be able to get him the medical care he needs. I'm going to a party tonight with a fun group of people, so I should have a few hours to forget my cares and feel less lonely, (if my bp brain allows for it).

You are keeping your mind busy it sounds like. I can never seem to get mine to shut off. I try to start new things but I never finish what I start. But you seem to be very strong, I think alot of us just need someone to talk to who is going through the same thing as we are, sure we can talk to our shrink or boyfriends or husbands even are friends, but really no one I am close with knows what I go through, my husband can see what I go through but he cannot feel what I am going through. Sometimes I am very unmanageable and I do admire him for sticking with through these tough times for me. I hope everything works out with your son, he sounds like a good kid. If you need to talk about anything or if you are feeling lonely, I will listen alot of the times we may be going through the exact same thing.

0482,

Couldn't have said it better myself... you come here and people know what you are going through and how you feel. It is a great place. My husband has put up with quite a bit from me so I don't discount that at all, but it is nice to know that everyone here can relate.

here 4 you, jamie

Hi Linda,
We are lucky to live where we live. California, USA has quite a few similarities with Queensland, Australia; at least I think so. No matter how bad our mental health is we always have beautiful places to visit. Yes, I love Europe in Summer and yes, I love South East Asia in Winter - but two weeks tops for the other seasons in such places :) The states where we live are beautiful all year around.
BTW, I had a fantastic night last night. I ignored sleep hygiene for a one off treat and I crawled into bed at 4am after dancing, singing, chatting, laughing and joking for 10 solid hours. I woke up at 2pm very refreshed and I still should fall asleep at normal time tonight on the Serequel. It is not something I would do often but it was a very special one off treat. I didn't drink or anything - I didn't need to - they are such a great fun crowd. I had a ball!
I've had some great outside affirmation of me in the past 24 hours and as much as I may appreciate it, I'm still that person that has terrible lows of self doubt in the process of developing a stable sense of self. While I haven't had a lot of nights like I did last night, they serve as little pieces in the puzzle where I can say "See Jade, sometimes, some people do genuinely enjoy your company with no strings attached".
(I also use those pieces in the puzzle to replace some of the cruel things my extremely mentally ill, untreated, mother said and did to me).
Linda, you are on for cyber coffee girl! :) It doesn't affect our bp or go to our hips!

Jade,

What great news. I couldn't be happier for you and yes, it is OK to go off our regular schedule once in awhile. So proud of you that you could have a great time and enjoy conversations, dancing, etc. AWESOME! You are right about where we live...great places especially with dealing with bp. Can't wait to hear more good news. I'm still working with this depakote and trying to figure the best time to take it for me, but I am doing better and that is what counts. Off for some more sunshine today and maybe some kayaking with the girls.

I started tai chi last week and didn't like it, and the instructor wouldn't refund so I blew my dough. The volunteer place didn't ring - they will - just slack as. I've finally got my phone and internet working properly for the first time in 11 months and the telco company is working through their offer of compensation. I'm having trouble sucking up the outcome of my court case. I've done up new ads for a flatmate and I'm happy with them. I'm kinda in a state of anticipation now... hopefully the right person will appear soon.
I've just finished my first month on mood stabilisers. I feel that the 100mg seroquel is probably a little "over drugging" for about 3 weeks but there were definitely about a week where I wouldn't have got enough coverage on any lower a dose. I don't find taking seroquel as a prm beneficial as I'm finding it makes me far too groggy within that 24 hours.
My son is coming out of his acute phase and settling down, thankfully. My mummy heart feels so much better to hear the "dance" back in his voice and the laughs and the jokes. I've reminded him that I'm still taking his complaints very seriously even though he is "toeing the line" ---- actually more so because he is working in collaboratively toward solutions.

Post Edited (living well) : 7/20/2011 4:57:46 AM (GMT-6)

hang in there. here 4 you. jamie

im srry to hear about all that is happening at once. i hope things with your son work out as well. its a good thing your getting help earlier on that later when itll be worse.

yes a big welcome from me too!!!! jamie

I rang the crisis service at 3.30pm today. I had done some washing up but I still couldn't get in the shower or get dressed, let alone go for a walk. When I rang the crisis line, I burst into hysterical crying and started to dissociate. I couldn't hear him, I had too much going on inside. But I eventually managed to come back to the conversation and interact with him. I told him I did my dishes and laundry yesterday, and went for a walk around the block and then went for a drive in the evening to the shop to get lollies for a treat, just to try to get a bit further afield. I then realised that I still had my clothes on the line and I hadn't watered my plants in a week. For some reason I had some energy post hysterics and dissociation. Does that happen to anyone else? Anyway I wanted to get off the phone to get those things done and I did. After I finished that, I had the momentum to get in the shower and then out of necessity I had to get myself dressed lol. And then I went for a baby walk around the block (did a big shortcut) but still something. It seems like I could have flipped into a momentary bit of dysphoric elevation, because I am angry for mental health refusing to treat someone as sick as me. I know it's hard for them to discern who is crying wolf, coz I imagine some people do. But I imagine it isn't as quite as many people who we think might me. If I had one chance to improve my life I would grasp it with both hands and give it everything I had (that's if I was well enough at the time to even get out of bed! :(). This isn't laziness, this isn't attention seeking. This is someone working really hard to get well.

Living Well,

Hello sweetness, I'm so happy 4 U that you are able right now to try the class & volunteering. That is definitely a positive for you. Don't over do it though :)   I am sorry to hear that your son is struggling w/mental health issues. That must be very difficult as a parent to not be able to just fix it. But it sounds like you are handling it phenominally, so kudos to you. Let us know how your plans go with going out with your friendz?

I also just wanted to say your such an amazing person and you have so much strength within yourself. I feel very honored to have met you. So thank you for your friendship.

Smiles & Hugz sent your way.

Your Healingwell Friend,

Serenitee