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Posted 7/19/2011 5:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hey guys,

Sorry to post selfishly....I am so depressed and I am soooo tired of feeling this way. It's only when I work. When I am at home, I feel much better. I think that's a reality I have to face.

This is hard to think about because even though I am depressed at work I don't want to give up my job. I love the area I work in and I know if I ever lost this job, I would be devastated and my mental health would really then be in jeopardy. There are stressors at work so I know that is what is causing the depression. I feel so tired at work all the time and can barely function some days.

This afternoon at lunch I put my head down on my desk and pretty much dozed off for about 10 minutes. It was not one of those power naps that make you feel better. I just wanted to walk out the door drive home and go to bed.

The part that is bothering me the most is that I have NO energy. When I go home even though I feel a little better, I still cannot get myself off the couch to do anything or go anywhere :(

Thanks for listening.

Hugs,
Mogs
Posted 7/19/2011 10:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mogs, I love your selfish posts so I know how you are doing.

Unsolicited advice: Write down ALL those work stressors that are draining you. Every single little one. Great. Now, pick one that YOU can change. Maybe a relationship with a coworker you could approach differently? See if you can be in a private office again? Can't stand the noise? Can you have quiet music on? Can you wear an earbud? Need some space - maybe some Feng Shui of office furniture. Drab walls? Can you hang a poster size image? Need a monitor screen thing? Sore back? Try sitting on an exercise ball (seriously put a smile on my face every day!)

Try to find ONE easy thing you can do to change your work life. Maybe a peace offering to a coworker - or bring in backed goodies for the department.

Just do one thing. Put the rest away until next week. Then try one more thing.

XOXO
Posted 7/19/2011 11:43 PM (GMT 0)
Tortoise thanks so much. Your post was very helpful and I will apply tomorrow at work. I just came back from a 30 minute walk (and we are in a heat wave!) It was hot but I knew I had to get out there in the sun. I am feeling a bit better right now. I really need to get exercising seriously. I am going to try to walk again tomorrow night.

Ok, it's my turn to reply to you & your post...talk to you soon...
Posted 7/20/2011 4:46 AM (GMT 0)
Mogli, are you close to annual leave at all? Sometimes we can get a bit burnt out around the time holidays are due. Or is it that they are waaaay too far away that is the problem? lol
Posted 7/20/2011 8:18 AM (GMT 0)
Mogli, I'm sorry you are having a difficult time with depression and energy level. I was just wondering if you had vacation days that maybe you could take a little break, or perhaps medical disability for a month or so? Do you see any therapist or psychiatrist for your depression? I saw that you were on medications, perhaps you need a different combination or decreased or increased. I am so impressed that you can even make it to work, it sounds like you are a very strong individual. And I don't think you give yourself enough credit for your accomplishments.

I wish you only the best. Hugz sent your way.

Your Heaalingwell Friend,

Serenitee

Bipolar 2, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, Ptsd

Loop ileostomy 

 

Posted 7/20/2011 2:04 PM (GMT 0)
Mogs, have you ever undergone any testing for allergies? The fact that you
feel better as soon as you leave the office could be an indication that you are inhaling something in the atmosphere in the building that could be causing a problem for you. Are you working in an old building? Are the
air-conditioning systems being given new filters at frequent intervals so that all of you avoid allergens?

If it is an allergy, you need to be treated for it to remove the symptoms.

Hope you're getting along well otherwise.

It's Genetic
Posted 7/25/2011 6:39 PM (GMT 0)
Id say mogli find another job and quit this one. Just saying
Posted 7/25/2011 7:43 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all!
Sorry I haven't been back on since last week! You guys are so great to reach out to me!

It's Monday, I'm back at work and the depression is still with me. It lifted last week on Thursday and Friday but didn't feel too stable on the weekend.

It's been a long hard day here at work. I don't have any vacation time left until after September I believe so I'm here for now. I hear what y'all are saying about taking some time away from work. I did discuss this with pdoc last week and expressed that I felt it wouldn't help me long term. I would feel better being off, but I would totally crash coming back to work.

Here is the killer: I love my job and where I work (Minus some individuals who are not nice). This job is honestly the best fit for me and my illness. I am lucky enough to be in my own private office with plants, music and paintings and photos on the walls...event he corridor I am in is quiet. The building I am in is brand new; I don't know if I have allergies, but will look into this. Having said that, for the last several months even though I love my job, working has been such a struggle....more than a struggle, it's been unbearable but I just don't see an answer. I don't want to leave this job. I am going to try to exercise as much as I can (I did not at all this weekend) and see what that does.

Pdoc thought this was a good idea since I don't want to touch my meds.

Thanks again friends, hugs to you all.
Mogs
Posted 7/25/2011 8:18 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Mogli,

Possibly I could share something that might help:

This is my "motto" of sorts.

I want so much to live life. I am resilient and I manage my illness the best I can. I participate in life the most I can. I do my best to find a place of acceptance within myself that I am doing my best and that has to be good enough for now.

My level of functioning is way beneath yours, and I urge you to keep functioning to your maximum level possible, (but not overdoing it either...so still remember some times for rest and gentleness).

You will ride this wave and survive this storm. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you right now, but I agree with you and your pdoc, this low is NOT going to last and it won't stay this hard for much longer. Ride it out babe! The finish line of this little endurance trial IS just around the next corner.

(((((Big strength injections for you)))))))

You WILL come good again, we always do :)

(We are like little monohull yachts that capsize now and again but right ourselves very quickly x)

Post Edited (living well) : 7/25/2011 2:21:49 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/25/2011 11:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Mogli,

I can't offer a lot of advice, and I am completely new to this, so excuse my ignorance; I have never responded to anything before. I know that there are times when it is hard for me to get out of bed. I try to imagine it like I am in a race. If I can get out of bed and in the shower I beat my depression. The next step is to get out of the shower and dressed, beat it again. I reward myself with coffee or something. (You can reward yourself with something you enjoy.) I know it sounds silly, and very trivial, but sometimes it works. This doesn't always work for me, but sometimes it is the only thing I have to go off of. I suppose it is worth a try. This probably doesn't help, but I'm new to this, so I hope maybe it does.

Please never apologize for selfish posts, because a "selfish post" does not exist. We are all on here to support each other. I have posted and people have been responding, but this is the first response I have given. I hope I didn't misunderstand what you meant by that, and I hope I am not rambling on for nothing... Anyway, don't ever apologize for posting something, that is what this forum is for.

Tristan
Posted 7/25/2011 11:43 PM (GMT 0)
Mogli,

Really sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. You are doing all the right things and since you know you love the job I think you can do this. Hope you can just take it one day at a time until this depression lifts and gets you in a better place.
Tristan, you are not out of place at as a newbe or oldie we just try to support each other the best we can. Your advice is helpful and I can use it myself so thanks!
Jade, thanks for your response, it is great (as always)!!
Posted 7/26/2011 2:34 AM (GMT 0)
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

jamie
Posted 7/26/2011 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks guys. Your advice is so helpful. I am gonna try the rewarding myself in the morning thing after I get ready for work. It takes me 45 minutes to shower, make up, hair so that takes a ton of energy and deserves a reward.

Thanks for all the support it means so much.

I am starting to wonder if the Seroquel is causing the extreme fatigue I am feeling everyday and not necessarily all from depression.

I have reduced my dose for about a month now at only 100 mg. But is XR so I know the extended release is probably affecting me. I try to take it early evening.

Tristan, welcome to the board and to HW. You are right, that is what this place is for and take your advice, when you post it's because you need us and we all need each other.

Thanks again guys
Hugs,
Mogs
Posted 7/26/2011 8:27 PM (GMT 0)
I'm wondering the same with my seroquel 100mg (non-xr thou). I take it early too. My motor function is way down!
Posted 7/27/2011 12:35 AM (GMT 0)
me a zombie!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted 7/27/2011 2:55 AM (GMT 0)
Mogli and Jade,

I know that when I was trying Seroquel it made me very groggy the next day. Could be part of the problem, but always best to check with your pdoc. I think the reward thing is a great idea. I'm going to have to try that myself!
Posted 7/27/2011 11:10 PM (GMT 0)
hi mogili
something is wrong every time i try to post to you i loose wht ive typed anyway if you were to read my post yesturday above yours it would explain a lot about why i was try to respond to your post.


jcd,the fish
Posted 7/28/2011 12:01 AM (GMT 0)
I was horribly groggy and non-functioning on Seroquel, but did fine on Seroquel XR. Just sayin' :)

Mogs, thanks for updating your work situation. I'm glad it is a physically nice place to work. I know how much you value your job. You have posted about your frustration with depression and how it affects your job over so many months. You are a trooper to hang in there and get it done.

You deserve a reward. I am going to get a mani-pedi tomorrow. First time, little nervous, little excited. I got my ears pierced, which was a big deal for me. Maybe there's a little something that will put a smile on your face?

Maybe if you have a gorgeous mani, you'll smile everytime you type at work? :)
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