New and Struggling

Hi all,

I am 31 years old and my 39 year old husband of 9 years was just recently diagnosed with Bi-Polar I this summer.  Additionally, he also has ADHD and possibly PTSD. He has struggled with alcoholism and now balancing out his meds.

We have 2 young children and one on the way.  I am very smart and self-reliant and now that first and foremost my kids come first.

To add to the mess we have financial problems largely due to his excessive desire to spend over the years and my lack of ability to tell him no and take the emotional abuse.  So I gave in and now we are in over our heads in debt.  Additionally, after leaving the military 2 years ago he got another job but only a job and not a further career.  However, I went from a military wife with a job to a working mom with a progressive career.  As an example, I have had 2 promotions in the 2 years I have been with the company.  He says that he wants me to have my career but I find him repeatedly making resentful comments.

I have a very hard time distinguishing what are ADHD symptoms, what are bipolar and what is just him dealing with issues. To add to it since he is on Lamictal, Adderall and Klonopin daily he has no appetite and instead drinks coffee, Monster drinks and water all day along with using chew tabacco.  So I have a spouse on 3 meds plus heavily addicted to caffeine and nicotine. 

We are trying marriage counseling (in addition to his personal counseling and seeing a pyschiatrist) but refuses to bring up issues about me but then when we end up in a fight he says that there is something wrong with me mentally.  Additionally, when I bring up things about his behavior at the counselor he admits to things in the session but then gets mad later that I am after him.  When things get bad between us he pulls out the "I am not going to counseling with you anymore.  We can just go on our own."

I love my husband and I am committed to my marriage (yes, I am a devoted Catholic) but I struggle with the hurt, confusion and other uncertainty.

Any advice?

 

Hello, Lost in this Mess, and welcome to the Bipolar Forum,

I've read that the biggest problem the military has is alcoholism, so it's
no surprise that your husband may have been affected by alcohol while in service. Alcoholics often drink coffee when they're swearing off alcohol.

Both alcohol and caffeine make bipolar illness worse. Your husband needs help from a professional who is willing to take the time to explain these things to him and then to get treatment for his illness. Right now you are a victim in this situation, and you should also talk to a psychiatrist about your problems living with a man who is an alcoholic.


I understand that your religion is a vital part of your life, as well it should be, but your children deserve to live in a home where there is quietness and loving behavior; otherwise, there's always that chance that they may develop personaltiy difficulties down the road.

Alcoholism does not get better (except in very rare cases) without treatment by the professionals or from Alcoholics Anonymous.

You have a heavy load to have to work with right now, and I hope you
will talk to your husband about alcohol use and see if he is willing to get help. Abuse in the home is part of an alocohlic lifestyle. These people have a real illness that distorts their brain function. Please ask him to consider gettting help. You may also wish to go to Al Anon to try to learn more about the illness and what you can do in the home to discourage the drinking.

Take care of yourself first now and the children.

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 10/27/2011 9:32:53 PM (GMT-6)