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Do you ever feel regret or guilt while being destructive?

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Posted 10/28/2011 2:28 PM (GMT 0)
I was wondering, when any of you all are (hypo) manic, do you ever feel guilty or sorry while in that phase?
The reason I ask is that I currently am banging off the walls... Should be working from home today, but instead of working, this turned into a non-productive day of gambling, spending, and calling those kind of phone numbers a married man shouldn't. (Not even worth it...)

I feel like a proper prick now..

Do you ever feel or hear your inner voice say: "No man," (or woman obviously), "don't do that. That's something you're definitely going to regret, and you're hurting others and yourself". But the anxiousness is just too big to handle, and you do it anyway. Do you ever feel like a total failure after causing that kind of rampage all day.. The stress still running through your chest, but being self aware about it. The guilt..

That's my day now ... again ....

Post Edited (C-1980) : 10/28/2011 10:15:54 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/28/2011 3:35 PM (GMT 0)
That doesn't sound like mania; it sounds more like the bottomless pit of severe depression or alcoholism or other drug-related conditions.

If you're going through this you need to see a psychiatrist and find out what the problem is and then be medicated.

I.G.

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 10/28/2011 9:45:02 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/28/2011 8:33 PM (GMT 0)
I agree, I.G.'s post is absolutely insightful. Please talk to your Dr.
Posted 10/29/2011 2:47 AM (GMT 0)
BP is not an excuse for bad behavior. Prior to my treatment by psychiatrist I had no idea what I was doing was irregular. The only voices I heard were delusional.

C-1980, please make an appt with trained psych doc. You have something going on which needs help.
Posted 10/29/2011 7:40 AM (GMT 0)
I guess you could be right.. You reckon all of that behavior could be desperate ways to try and break that cycle? I haven't been drinking any alcohol for about 4 months now, and drugs are absent even longer. So that shouldn't be playing any part atm.

I am not seeing the psych doc again until 9th of November. She needs to get a hold of all of the previous documentation. Until then I doubt she is going to put me on meds until she is certain about what's wrong.

But like CapninHapnin said, a mental problem is not an excuse for bad behavior. So why can't I get a hold of myself when my problems aren't the excuse. I am really trying!
Posted 10/29/2011 8:15 AM (GMT 0)
I think it's possible that "all of that behavior could be " desperate ways
to keep from facing reality. If I were you, I'd go to the library and
check out the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" and read it. It's very
enlightening about why the alcoholic drinks, what he's trying to avoid,
and how he learns to become sober.

You have made an admirable attempt to stop it having avoided it for 4 months; something however, is throwing you into the condition you're
in right now. Seeing your psychiatrist is the first big start to improving your feeling tone.

The drugs and alcohol must go if you are to regain your health. No one can tell you effectively not to use them; it's something that you must
see within yourself and transform your view of life in order to be free of them. Please do read "Alcoholics Anonymous" --"The Big Book"
on how people learn to restore their lives.

I.G.
Posted 10/29/2011 12:28 PM (GMT 0)
Hi I.G. ,

Thanks for your insight. I must point out though, that I was drinking off and on, usually in the evening. Sometimes 5 days a week, sometimes nothing for weeks. But I fortunately was nowhere near alcoholism.

Maybe I wasn't clear about that in earlier posts, but I do not have a problem with alcohol of that magnitude. I used it to ease the thoughts, or to feel more ecstatic. I was never dependent on it.

I understand though, that my life needs to be rebuilt so I can get everything I need from regular activities. However, the anxiousness I described, is not a new thing for me. I have had periods like this for a long time. In the periods I was not using alcohol but also in the periods I did use alcohol.
Posted 10/29/2011 2:37 PM (GMT 0)
Okay, C-1980, but there are a couple of things I would like to add for helpful information:

1. Alcohol is inflammatory to the brain; it makes bipolar illness worse. Patients who are bipolar or depressed are often asked by their psychiatrists to remove alcohol from their diets because it does make both illnesses much worse.

2. Avoid anything that has caffeine in it. It makes depression and bipolar illness worse.

If you are able to make those two changes in your life you will be doing yourself a great favor.

Alcohol, like narcotics, kills brain cells. I need every one I've got; I don't know about you, C-1980, but I think you would feel better without alcohol or caffeine in your life.

It is known now that bipolar illness is an inflammation of the brain. Doctors don't know yet why it happens, but they know that the use of aspirin will help somewhat in lowering the level of inflammation. It won't suffice as the only medication needed, but it can help. You need your psychiatrist's help with that. Some people have made remarkable success in reducing the symptoms of bipolar or depressive illness by changing their diets to a more alkaline state--see AlkalineFoods.com for types of food that need to be
included in your diet.

Take good care of yourself for better health.

Good wishes,

It's Genetic

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 10/29/2011 8:47:18 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/29/2011 3:06 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks again,
Duly noted, and agreed upon.
Posted 10/29/2011 4:54 PM (GMT 0)
I know how you feel about the guilt that you have over things you do.  I was manic last year and did a lot of things I shouldn't have.  I am now in remission and can't believe I did those things.  I take medications that help but when I was manic the meds did not help.  Get some good meds to help you and therapy helps.
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