need real advice

Im a 33 year old father of three who has been married 13.5 years to a wife who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder with mania. around 2 years ago my wife was in a car accident and has some pretty bad back injury{L5 and L6 gone} so she is on two different pain medications. Morphine sulphate and percocet. she hasent taken any meds for years for her being bipolar she is in complete denial and it seems that every month she over indulges on her pain meds putting her in a HIGH state but then when she runs out she goes straight into a manic state and stays there for a week or so with very little sleep or food. She has become more and more paranoid as the episodes occur and believes {its the devil messing with her mind making her think these things} She refuses to discuss anything about bipolar disorder and feels like im calling her crazy if I bring it up we just started couples counciling because of the arguing and I know the root of the problem but dont know how to bring it up in a way that wont start ww3 when we leave the session. Trying to hold on soo hard but watching what the children and myself are going through is becoming very difficult. I love her dearly and know who she is under the bipolar curtian its just beginning to seem like I see the actual woman I love less and less as time goes on. She is 34 and was diagnosed once in 1999 and again in 2006. really need some help in learning how to help her help herself..

Thanks for your reply. Last week was our first session with a counsler in a long time we have seen him before and she is comfortable with him the only thing is that in the past any time Bipolar is brought up she immediatly refuses to attend any more.she has begun to open up to me alot more here lately about the things she deals with in her mind and I dont want to loose that trust. But also Ive been reading through the forum and I see that she rarely sleeps and she drinks red bulls like she found them on sale or something also she chain smokes. And I can see how the stimulants are destroying her. Im very concerned though because she has been seeing things that arent there and questioning things in our home. the other day she made the comment that a punchbowl that we got when my grandmother passed never had the little feet on it although I know it did ive seen that thing all my life but she dosent remember it being that way and ahe gets manic about things simple things like that and my children know shes dealing with something cause she will shut herself up in the bathroom or the laundry room for hours and just inspects all kinds of every day things. She swears that I am having her watched and that people are following her. I get no help from her family they know how she is they just say shes crazy that I just need to divorce her and move on for the children you know. But I want my children to have a healthy mother. What kind of husband would I be if I just walked out on her when she really needs me. I know its the illness causing this. If it were cancer or something else her family's reaction would be different but I know who she is under all the mood swings and depression and I love that woman and thats the only thing keeping me in the fight right now. But its beginning to taake its toll on our children they dont like to be at home with her by theirself. We have two boys 11+12 and our daughter is 5. My boys seem to distance theirself from their mother not so much my lil girl but our sons know that something isnt right wih mommy.

Yes I.G. I do know that you are not doctors but I can see that there are alot of members here that are concious of their illness and very apt to admit and claim ownership of their condition and its effects on others. That is where I am hoping to help my wife get, yes I do recognize the Psycotic behavior and I am very well aware that it does and is getting worse. We have an appointment on tuesday for counciling and I am going to bring it up there and pray that the therapist can convince her to get help or at lest see a p doc. I am really at my wits end. I have seen the behavior getting worse in the last few years and the thing is that she hides it or at least when I know that she is havin an episode she says shes ok or that shes just stressed out.But only in the last week or so has she really began to open back up to me about the things that are going on in her mind and it seems as if she is getting to a breaking point on her own she knows that she has a problem but I dont really know if she will ever actually take ownership and follow through with a treatment plan I only hope that she can begin to be honest with herself about her condition she cant get anything accomplished from washing dishes or cloths the kids are always late to school and I work in a factory on swing shift (12 hrs) so it is very difficult for me to be there all the time and really dont get any help from any family I fell all alone in this thats why I have joined this forum I see that there is hope maybe very little but there is some hope.

I thank you very much for your kindness and I am well aware that I cant change her. I guess the biggest problem I am faced with is how to I get someone who is so steadfast set on NOT having a problem to admit that there is one. She knows that the things she is expirencing arent normal but she is so stuck on the term CRAZY. She believes that if she accepts bipolar then that makes her a crazy person and time and time again I have tried to help her to understand that it is a medical condition it does not make her CRAZY. I love my wife dearly and can only try to support and strengthen her to get well but she has to seek it first and I know that is the key to it all I am just becoming very afraid of exactly what its going to take to get her to that point... I have been researching the diet aspect and have seen she has just about every bad habit a bipolar person dosent need and it will be hard to convince her otherwise. She smokes drinks large ammounts of coffee and cafinated drinks and loves sweets and chocolate it is very overwhelming but we gotta start somewhere...

Well, you have some ideas now about where to start.

If she can understand that she has a chemical imbalance and that she is making it worse by her diet and use of alcohol and anything containing caffeine, it might help her to decide to see a psychiatrist.

You know that alcoholism produces insanity if indulged in to excessive degree over a long period. Unfortunately, that isn't resonating with your wife. Maybe letting her know that she has a greater risk of insanity with the diet she has than anything else may help.

You have a real challenge ahead. Fortunately, I've never known anyone who had bipolar illness who absolutely refused to get psychiatric help in time.
As one must with alcoholism, she may have to reach the point at which she recognizes that the chemistry of the brain is so unbalanced that she just must give up and seek restoration.

She should also know that many, many bipolar patients are healthy, creative individuals once their imbalance is corrected. In fact, bipolar illness often carries with it an artistic giftedness that gives the patient an outlet for creativity.

Take care.

I.G.

That is soo true. My wife is very very open, thoughtful, goofy, and fun to be around when she is well. I miss her loving kindness so much. It has been a long time (months) since I have seen peace in her, joy or real laughter and happiness. I see how the person inside is being weighed down by this illness and I miss that woman, its in her eyes, or actually its not what's in her eyes that is hurting me so. I know the woman I love is in there and Im doing everything I can to hold on to her. Thank you so much for all of your kind words and your thoughts and prayers. My family needs them so much right now.

A service dogs is a dog that is trained tasks to mitigate the symptoms and challenges of a disabled person. A service dog acts very differently than a pet dog. I train a dog to use an aggressive alert to bring my attention to a change in my mood or anxiety. An aggressive alert is one that cannot be ignored, and may escalate to the dog pawing at the handler or even pulling hair! Dogs can be trained to react to heart rate, breathing, behaviors like agitation or hyperlocomotion, hypersomnia apathy, etc. It needs to be a special dog that can engage even during the handler's aggressive moments.

That's the short version, you should email me if you need more intormation. :)