Forgivness, Its within all of us, and it leads to peace.

 

  I havnt posted here in a awhile about one of my biggest things. Its simply one word.

   FORGIVNESS.

 

  Forgivness is the power each and everyone of us holds in our hands and hearts. With it we can undo the hurt people have done to us, and that we have done to ourselves and others.

 

   I have watched many of you here over the years continue to beat yourselves up over mistakes you have made in your life. But i also watch you all try so very very hard to not make those mistakes again. Its the human condition to learn thru failure, when things go right we often dont see the lessons, its only when things go badly do we percieve the lessons within.  However you need to understand that you can let go of the pain of past mistakes, and by letting go of the pain you are in fact taking control of your life.

 

    Many of us here have horror stories to tell of abuse (Physical, mental, emotional, or sexual) After years in the fire service i can tell you one thing with complete confidence. Some times bad things happen to good people.

 

    Many of the older people here know some of my story, i was stabbed in the throat by my ex wife, i lost praticily everything in the divorce, i had to start over with a air mattress and a lamp. But thru it all i practiced forgivness, i forgave her for what she done. I never once tried to screw her out of anything, i have been very generous all the way around. I turned the other cheek as Jesus said, and you know what, it has all been worth the effort. 

 

    By forgiving those who have hurt us we claim the ultimate peace that comes with no longer allowing them to hurt us again and again and again in our minds. Now when i say forgivness, i do not mean forgetfullness. I do not trust my ex, nor do i want a life with her anymore. However i can wish a long and happy life for her with a completely clear and pure heart.

 

    I have also forgiven myself my past mistakes. I no longer carry the guilt of what i have done. While doing this i do not forget what is inside of me, and that i must work hard every day to keep my life on the straight and narrow. But forgiving myself, and letting the pain and shame fall away, i have found a great and lasting peace.   

 

     Everyone knows someone in their lives who holds onto each and every hurt in their life. Look at them, learn from them and ask yourself, is this who i want to be the rest of my life?  All the great religions preach forgivness, Jesus said to forgive, The Buddha says to forgive those who have wronged you. 

 

      After four years of walking this road, i can honestly tell you that forgivness has been the key to my peace. That finding ways to release the inner pain, and move on secure in the knowage that i have done the absolute best i could have done. That was to forgive those who have trespassed against me, and that includes the most important person in my life, ME.

 

 

      SOrry to be preachy, i just felt a spirit come upon me to share. 

 

    Bill 

Thank you Bill! I had a lesson in forgiveness tonight. I went for a walk after dark and was talking to myself to keep the bears away (for real). And because I talk to myself! :D But I discover I haven't completely forgiven my ex-husband. I will have to work on it. Time makes it easier.

A deep way to forgive others is to write out my resentments over things THEY did to me. Then I look at MY part in it. There is always a MY part...even when it seems I am only a victim. In that case, I can see that I allowed the abusive behavior, and stayed with the person long after the red flags had waved their warning. Was this out of fear of being alone, low self- esteem, fear of running out of money, a sick dependence on that person? it always comes back to OUR part. We create our own happiness and our own misery.

Also, abuse as a child, though never the child's fault, as all children are perfectly
innocent, MY part comes in as to how I have handled the former childhood abuse AS AN ADULT. Did I continue to use my childhood coping mechanisms, ( which do not work,) or have I learned a new and healthier way of coping. Not only learning it but doing it. If I wasn't taught a better way as a child, did I seek wellness from a competent counsellor or spiritual advisor or have I continued to act out old learned behaviors as an adult because I wasn't honest with myself? Did I practice this new way of living and was I willing to change?

We have all been wronged, yet we have a part in it. If we can see our part in it honestly, the resentment is depleted and forgiveness becomes a reality. It is much easier to forgive ourselves than it is to forgive others. Unless we heap too much guilt on ourselves and feel responsible for ALL the blame...the opposite side of pride's coin...low self-esteem. That is also a form of self-centeredness. But once we see our part, and forgive ourselves, we can extend that forgiveness to others. Most wrongdoing is done out of ignorance...meaning 'not-knowing.' Even if we harmed others, had we been in a better place, less selfish for instance, we would have made a better choice. So at the time, perhaps our selfishness was there and that was as good as we could be.

The most spiritually connected people are the ones who set aside everything they think they know about everything they think they know for an open-mind and a new experience of everything they think they know. I used to think I was spiritually superior. I kept having problems. My ego and pride blocked me from my higher self. Now, I am ok with being a spiritual kinder-gartner...for the less I think I know, the more room I have to grow. I am able to listen to others. No one is more superior. No one is less. We all have gifts to help each other. When I start thinking I know more...is when I get into trouble!

Post Edited (red lightening) : 5/24/2012 8:16:23 AM (GMT-6)

I like you, red. :) Be kind to yourself.

I did an exercise that was surprisingly, just wow.

Start with a big heart shape on paper. Then start drawing and writing in all your hurts, your broken heart lines. Put it ALL out there. Then get a couple packs of bandaids. Write on the bandaid what will heal one of your hurts. Continue until you have a bandaid on all of them. I did this a few years ago, I had so much hurt, anger, pain. It was freeing and healing.

Edited to add:  I used A LOT of bandaids, lol.

Sure, send it wherever you want. I wish I was a better writer like Peter.
Let him buff it up and maybe it can help some people.

Bill

Bill wrote, "Write on the bandaid what will heal one of your hurts. "

Bill, how do I know what will heal the hurts? I am going to do this tomorrow, but how? Can you give me an example? Say for instance; one of my hurts is...my Dad cheated on my Mom, they got divorced, then my Dad basically was out of my life from the age of two years on. Now he has a new family and dotes on his teen aged daughters...he is 83. What would i need to write to heal that. I truly feel like a four year old. I just don't know how to do this project but I want to try it.

Thanks for your patience. I am lost inside a world that is too fast and everything is complicated. It seems like I'm never going to stop struggling. I feel like giving up.

Hi Bill,

Thanks for sharing. I needed to read something like this.
This is very interesting for me since I have a very hard time forgiving and I tend to hold grudges. I still so do and my therapist have been trying to get me past this for the last couple of months. Each year something seems to be happen that is worst that what happened the previous year. It's really hard to think positive, nevertheless I try to cope with things however I can.
I hope I can get past things and start forgiving one day.

Thanks again for sharing.

UA