How am I going to get through this?

(((hugs)))

Allow yourself to daydream about how you'll feel and live on the other side of this challenge. You're incredibly strong!

Shaky legs will still carry you!

Thanks guys. I feel bad for posting over and over about this. But I need the support.

Yesterday was really horrible. Last night brought me some happiness, so I slept well and feel happy thinking about it today. I feel more focused on what I need to do.

You are right Bill, I need to keep thinking about what is best for me.

"Shaky legs will still carry you"...LOL that's good to know because they are definitely shaky!

I keep thinking about how my feelings for him have just totally changed. It's like even if things did change, I am not sure I could get the same love back for him I once had. Besides, I know in my heart things won't change.

I do deserve to be happy, and I am thinking about that a lot. That I not only deserve not to be yelled at and walking on eggshells, but that I deserve to be in love again and feel happy :)

I want that very much.

Wow--what a difference a change in mood can bring...My post is total opposite of yesterday. Focused and encouraged.

Thanks guys,
Hugs,
Mogs

I have found that having friends...even making new friends helps me alot. I have been travelling and have talked to many nice people in the airport.I spoke to a 92 year old lady, a woman from KY, a teen agreed boy who wants to become an artist...there are lots of new and healthy and lonely people out there and I have found just being kind to them and taking a moment to open up gives me back a feeling of love and warmth.

I have a guardian angel named Saraphina. She came to be during a meditation and later, a dream. She said all people have angels around us from birth on and that no one is completely alone. You can ask for them to help you and they will. They love to be asked. I looked up the historical significance of the name Saraphina and it was a young girl in Italy hundreds of years ago who had a terrible disease. She was neglected and abused and criticized by the townspeople and even her own family. She needed love very badly but did not get it. So here is what she did. She gave out love unconditionally to all people with no thought of receiving it back. However, love always return tenfold when given out and she became adored to being named a saint.

She also was granted healing power and could touch a broken arm and heal it. But the wonderful thing is when she died at only 15 years old, the entire town came to her funeral and upon the mound that covered her casket a sea of white violets bloomed. They had not been planted, nor would they have been able to bloom so fast if they had. So stay with love, and not with fear. Know you are loved by us, by your angels...even if you don't believe in them and that you will find new doors opening into a new and loving way of life because you have made the decision that you are worth being loved. Ps....angels were before any religions and are not affiliated with any religion, though many religions recognize them.

This is how I am getting through my difficulties. Just take it one step at a time, do what you can each day to create a loving life for yourself. Reach out to others who are kind and loving and you will be fine.

Also study up on the cycle of abuse so you will know what to expect both from yourself and your ex. It is textbook stuff. Replace fear with love. That is most important.

Hi friend! :)

I am home today. If you want to exchange messages or chat, I'll be right here.

(((hugs)))

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hugs Caren     bump  up

happy bill said...
Hey mogs, you know i am coming up on two years since i left my wife. And yes, there was a lot of suck in those two years.


But you know what? There was a lot of good and even some Great in that two years also.



SOme of the good, and this is by no means the total list.



MY BP is completely under control with almost no meds.

My mom and i have the best relationship now

My finances are finally getting better

My mind and soul feel as they should, happy and contented.

My health is awesome. Ive lost 7 pounds the last few months and now weigh a sexy 216LBS. LOL LOL LOL



Sure it was tough at times, i wanted go back several times cause of money or lonelyness. But i got thru those periods and feel so much better now. I left with nothing (practially) and have a nice small household now. I live my life as i need to live it, so i can be happ and my BP problems stay under control.



The thing to rememeber is this. And this is just my opinion. People do change, but normally need a traumatic event (near death) or meds (like me and respirdal) to chart a new course in life. People who like to abuse dont get better, they dont suddenly realize they have been jerks and stop, they continue what they do cause thats how they are wired.

There is a buddist teaching i like.



A woman came before a master



she complained that in her life she trusted to much

loved to deeply.



She felt that she had been hurt badly thru her life by this

that if she had only learned to change she would not have been hurt.



The master looked at her and simply said, "It is the nature of fruit trees to bear fruit"

The meaning being that we are what we are, and cannot really unmake who our

fundemental nature is.



In this case i am applying it to the negative influences in our lives. They cannot see, or will not see the hurt they cause. Their fundemental nature is to hurt, to cause hurt, to shift blame to others for that which they cannot accept themselves. I do not judge people like this, i simply limit my exposure to them so they cannot cause me pain. If you know in your heart that the man you are with is not right for you, then you must accept this and move on with life. Try not to waste time blaming him for what he is, he is how god made him. But you must look to the care of yourself first.



Bill

What a lovely post Bill... I hope you can find some solace in your pain Mogs. Managing the states that come with bipolar will help you manage your emotions at this time of raw grief. I hope beautiful things are in your future xxxx

 

 Hope you are doing well. Checking in on you.

 Hugs Bill