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Posted 6/8/2012 1:23 PM (GMT 0)
my wife check into a mental hospital after without my knowledge I had to find out through her family who wouldn't tell me except they know I'm a good man and didn't want to withhold that information from me even though she asked them not to tell me anything. on mother's day she went out of town to visit family and wouldn't tell me when she was coming home I knew something was up. when we were dating she ran away several times. I thought now that we were married things would would be different. but she still accusing me of cheating on her like she has from the very beginning, which I have never done. I have no idea what to do as a christian. I don't believe in divorce I believe it you should only be married once she has told me before that she believes this also but she is recently asked me for divorce telling me that I admitted her that I cheated on her and various other crazy things like I tried to poison her and several things that never ever have taken place it seem to be just made up out of her own guilt for thing she's done her I just have no idea what to think I need help. the relationship started out with her giving me a venereal disease without my knowledge, running around with other guys and various other things that should of been red flags to me. for whatever reason god has led me to her and we became married after 2 years of a tumultuous relationship. more is gone and I even care to share in detail. sears check into a mental hospital and didn't want me to know and I just don't know what to do do I stay here and wait do I divorce or what should I do? I'm in horrible state over,this and can't function someone please just talk to me help me I have no 1 in this situation I am so alone, and I'm lost without my wife and stepson. I love her but how can I cope with all this? God has spoken to me but it's so hard to stay there and not let my emotions takeover, everytime I try to do something it just makes it worse. shehas said that she wants nothing more to do with me and she wants a divorce. please help! she has come by a week agod and got her clothes and said many mean and hurtful things to me and blamed me for her checking ibro the hospital and said she doesn't want to be with me

Post Edited (jdlloyd1183) : 6/8/2012 7:28:41 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/8/2012 1:40 PM (GMT 0)
We can't be everything to everyone. This forum is for people experiencing bipolar disorder. While we do appreciate and respond to questions for non-bipolar family, friends, and partners, we will not be able to respond to non-bipolar members coming here for personal support, venting, ranting, or complaining about another person's bipolar symptoms.

The change is reflected in our "Members: Please Read Before You Post" thread: https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=13&m=883428 I have copied the content of that post here:

This forum is for support for people experiencing bipolar disorder. This forum is a safe, anonymous environment for people with bipolar disorder to freely discuss their struggles and symptoms. It is not a support group for friends and family of bipolar disorder. Living with someone who suffers from bipolar disorder presents a set of problems all its own. There are groups for this at other sites:

NAMI's Online Communities

And one for family and friends at Pendulum.org

And the Family & Friends of Bipolar Support Group at Daily Strength.

Posts that are perceived to be venting, ranting, or complaining about another person's bipolar disorder symptoms will not be tolerated. Offensive posts will be edited or removed, replaced with the resource links above, and be locked to prevent discussion. Objective and compassionate posts will remain and it will be at our member's personal discretion whether or not they chose to answer.

Posted 6/8/2012 1:41 PM (GMT 0)
 

 Hi JD, SOrry about your problems. I want to try and give you some things that may help you along.

  1: this isnt your wifes fault in any way and neither is it yours. It happened, it is nothing more then the way god made her. She is still the woman you love, she is just very sick right now. THe problem is when you have a broken arm people can see it, if you have cancer there are pink ribbons for  you. But for mental illness it is shoved to the attic and noone wants to know about it. THey act as if its a character flaw, as if we could just wish it away and it would be gone. It doesnt work like that.

 2: if she checked herself in, thats a good sign, she sees something is wrong. If she sees something is wrong then she can eventually own her desease. With the right treatment and meds we do get better and lead very successful lives.

  3; Yes she said some hurtful and crazy things. She wasnt in her right mind. I use this analogy. If your right knee hurts, you notice it cause your left knee isnt. You might say, hey, this hurts and my other doesnt, i should go see  a doctor. But you only have one mind. There is no backup to compare it against. If your mind goes, then how do you know? With the right meds we do start to understand and find normal again.

 4: this is a journey of the rest of her life. Thats how long she will have to carry this.

  Finally this is primarly a board for those living with BP in themselves. There are other boards for support of those who are married to BP people. But i understand your need for some answers, and you wernt abusive or disrespectful in your post. Feel free to ask questions about what its like living with this desease. Knowage is power, and you need as much as you can to understand what she is going thru.

  Good luck.

 Bill  

Posted 6/8/2012 2:29 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you bill. Does it sound like she? Is there any. hope will return? is there any hope she will return I just want her to come home I just don't know what to do at this point eand I know all I can do is just wait. she's done this before when we were dating and we always gotten back together but I'm just not sure this time with marriage she just said she was done she wasn't coming back it was over and she wanted a divorce he seemed like she was the date is her that she was on some kind of drugs when she showed up after she got out of the hospitalthey only kept her for 8 days and told her to do whatever she needs to do to make urself feel better what she told me she blames me for having to check into the hospital in that she would never be with me if she had to check into a mental hospital because of me. some of her family tells me to give up and some of them tell me to just wait to see what happens but I just don't know what to do and you know I could divorce her but I don't believe in that. it's been this way since day 1 but we've always had a really good time together always have really truly love each other it's just always been accusations just hurled at me all the time. her sister tells me they said that she has post dramatic stress disorder from having been rape and abuse. possible they don't know what she has a name is diagnosed during why did they only keep her for 8 days is released questions I just don't have an answer to does it sound like she's bipolar to you? I would also like to mention that I have absolutely no contact with her I have no idea where she is last I heard she was gonna run off to florida with her with my stepson, to see the father of the child and I don't know if she's going to have an affair with him or not she told me that she would cheat on me just to speed up the divorce process.is there any hope for her returning? well she was gone nearing communication through text and she misinterpreted some of my texts and said that I laughed in her face in our relationship was a joke in a bunch of stuff that just was not true and uncalled for

Post Edited (jdlloyd1183) : 6/8/2012 8:36:14 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 6/8/2012 4:57 PM (GMT 0)
I would greatly appreciate anything anyone can offer me in response to my issue I'm all alone in this
Posted 6/8/2012 5:00 PM (GMT 0)
If she can accept having mental illness and be proactive in treatment and self-care, you might get a happy ending. If she does not... then you're left to protect yourself and any children involved.
Posted 6/8/2012 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
She was only in the hospital for 8 days and everyone she talked to she tolthem she wasn't sick she just wanted to get away. she also told them that she was going to run away from everybody and start a new life.
Posted 6/8/2012 5:41 PM (GMT 0)
 

  JD, i know this is going to sound weird, but you need to slow down and get under control. Believe it or not its best to slow down and try and make good decisions, not just quick snap decisions. Normal people dont check into a pscy hospital for a relaxing stay, they go on vacation.

  Also who wants to run away and start a new life does their planning in a mental hospital? Doesnt sound like she is in a good place right now.

  You need to protect yourself first. You cant help anyone if you are put out of action by this also. You need sleep, and time to process what has happened to you in your life. This is a journey of years, not a sprint of days.

  take some time, relax, get a shower, food, and just sit in a quiet room and relax. I know your mind is racing but it will help you and her more now if you can rise above your emotions and just "be". She is a lost soul, as are you right now, but you have the mental facalities to understand the way out, she may not right now. She will need you strong to help her right now, and you need to stay strong by protecting yourself and preparing for a long haul.

  But please take some time to relax and release some of the tension in you. Your body and mind will be better if you do.

 Bill 

Posted 6/8/2012 7:02 PM (GMT 0)
I'm, doing the best I can. Thanks Bill. Does it sound like she maybe bipolar? Do you think she will come back?
Posted 6/8/2012 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
I can't help but think that when she wasn't talking to me while she was gone that if I,hadn't cussed her out and said I was going to,end it and put her stuff outside that this may have never happened. All of this happened over voicemail since she had told me that,she didn't feel like talking unless she needed something like,when,she called and asked me for money. I blame myself for everything because of that. Could this have triggered.her leaving it seemed it did. Was I wrong to be mad my wife didn't want to,talk to me while our if town? I told her I,was sorry and that wasn't Good enough
Posted 6/8/2012 7:58 PM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry I realize this isn't a relationship forum
Posted 6/14/2012 12:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hi I also have a wife who I have worked out is suffering badly from this. I know what you are going through as my wife just left and won't talk to me. I think I will get onto the support group site for further help.
Posted 6/15/2012 12:41 AM (GMT 0)
I was nice to see that someone else cares in knows what I'm going through and if you wanna talk about anything just let me know I'm here and I'll give you my information we can talk I'll be going through this with her for 2 years prior to us being married and now since we been married 7 months and I haven't heard or seen ur spoken to her in a bout 2 weeks last time I saw her she just showed up the day she got out of a mental hospital came up here in just took most of her things and told me she was never coming back and I haven't heard from her since so I know your pain my friend
Posted 6/23/2012 2:20 AM (GMT 0)
well just update my wife is been trying to call me and talk about divorce and trying to get me to send her mail which I don't understand why she's doing that because she could of had it forwarded already anyway I got a letter from my insurance letting me know that she was prescribed to seraquell and I was wonderign if anybody knows if that's gonna help for or what the deal is with that everyone tells me she's doing well but there's no hope of her returning t o me
Posted 6/23/2012 5:53 PM (GMT 0)
Serequel is a powerful drug, and will help slow her though processes down. It will make her sleep, as she comes down it will take a while for her to comprehend what is and has happened. Could be a few weeks.

Be patient, don't confront her, that will only push her away. Be centered, calm and present.

Show her you love her by being calm and relaxed, not angry.

Re-read Bill's comments above, he gave you some great advise
Posted 6/24/2012 8:14 PM (GMT 0)
You can find reliable drug information at drugs.com. Seroquel can be a nasty drug, especially when getting started on it at low doses. But it is FDA approved and for that reason, often a first choice in the USA. It does start to have effect within the first few doses for many people.

Boundaries are good. I would refuse to forward mail and gently remind her to do a change of address form through the post office. It forces her to own up to her choice and prevents her from mistakenly seeing you in a role as pushing her away.

I've had similar issues with my ex-husband (we divorced 4 years ago). He would demand IRS/tax documents and try to treaten. I told him he could get copies form the IRS. He demanded our son's medical records. I told him to go to the clinic and order them (he is still legal parent). I set firm but reasonable boundaries and things settled down and are fine now.

Reading the book "Boundaries" was a huge help for me. It is written from a christian perspective, but I believe it has great value to a person of any faith or lack of.

Good luck to you!
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