A terrifying weekend~Lesson learned~Please read

Hello all,

I did something really stupid this weekend and I think it's important I share this with all of you because you're my HW family and I care about not only your mental health, but your life as well. I want to be clear that no one should ever do what I did this weekend.

I have been on several meds over the past 12 years. For the first 5 of those years, I was on antidepressants for depression, then in 2005 when my dx changed to bp, I was put on the different bp meds. Over the 12 years I have always drank alcohol while on the meds. I didn't drink every day, or excessive amounts every week, but I did drink and party from time to time. I know this is not something we are supposed to do, so I am saying loud and clear that is what we should all follow. Not only because of the risks of mixing the two, but because drinking leads to instability in our moods in many different ways as well.

I have been under the most stress in my life the past several months and I've also had a major accomplishment in losing almost 60 lbs. The weight loss has led to some hypomania, since I am feeling so good about my physical appearance. Friday night, my partner and I were invited to a bar to celebrate a friend's birthday. I haven't felt comfortable partying out with friends in like 6 or 7 years. I feel great with the weight loss and thought I looked pretty good. I started with two glasses of wine before we went, then drank almost a whole bottle of wine at the bar, plus two shots. I am shaking even writing about this. I have never been that intoxicated, ever. I came home and got sick so many times I lost count. I finally passed out and then woke up and got sick some more. When I climbed back into bed coming from the bathroom Saturday morning, all of the sudden my heart started racing and pounding. It was hard to breathe and I was sweating. It was the most terrifying feeling. It was not like a panic attack at all...I have had panic attacks for years, I thought I was going to .... well .... I was scared. I thought about going to the ER but I couldn't even get up. My partner was asleep beside me. I tried to calm myself down. I tried to get water in me...Basically after 20 minutes, my heart slowed down and I relaxed a little. Then it happened again and stabilized again. I was shaking uncontrollably. I couldn't eat a thing all day and it took hours to be able to get fluids into me.

The entire time I just kept thinking, Oh my god, what have I done? Do I have alcohol poisoning? Then it hit me...."It's the mixing with the meds" I googled alcohol poisoning yesterday and it didn't fit totally. The mixing with the meds I believe is what caused the severe physical symptoms.

I am deeply depressed right now, big surprise. But I am so glad I'm "here". I am fighting back tears right now sharing this. I still can't believe how stupid I was.

I saw my pdoc today and I told him about it. He said it was good I told him. He could tell the ordeal really rattled me. He asked me if I was going to stop drinking or at least that I was going to take it easy. At this point I think I am going to maybe stop for good but I also know that is hard to say. I've always been a casual drinker. I know it's mostly my age, my friends...It's kinds of what you do for social get togethers. But I also know now more than ever, from now on, if I am to drink again, it will be a glass or two and no more. And if I don't drink again, I am totally okay with living that way. My friends will have to accept it and it will only be a positive thing in my life. I am 31, I have had many years of partying.

I really learned my lesson this weekend and I just hope you all are very very careful when it comes to alcohol.

Many hugs,
Mogs

I learned a scary lesson. I was off meds that I couldn't drink with and enjoy an occassional small something. I'm an ultra-lightweight, lol.

Anyway, we went to a wedding and I forgot that I had taken 1 mg of Klonopin. I had taken it 0.5 at a time, a couple hours at a time. The last dose was 4 hours earlier, so it was out of my mind and also at peak effectiveness. I was offered a vodka lemonade and accepted. 3 sips later... OMG, I felt so drugged up. I tried to go to the car to lie down but couldn't find it. I went back to the reception and used my fiance as a pillow. He was like "Can you please not look like you need an ER" because I wasn't coherent enough to tell him the interaction. It wore off in about an hour and got to enjoy the rest of the party.

It really freaked me out. I'm back on Lamictal so no drinking for me at least through the winter. I'm OK with that. And I will NEVER AGAIN make the mistake of mixing alcohol and medication.