bi-polar with cancer

Hi all, This is my first post on this forum. I have posted on the prostate cancer. I am a 58 year old male, married 40 years, with 3 children and 7 grandchildren. I am a good provider financially. I am also a recovering addict and was diagnosed bi-polar 2 back in 2002. I rarely am manic but suffered for many years with sever depression. My p sychiatrist at the time was a 'great' doc. Hey doc, I'm stressed. Here, take some Xanax. I can't focus. Here, take this Alderall. Being an addict, he was a great supplier. Yes, he did prescribe for the depression but when he's willing to give you drugs he knows can be abused and knows I am an addict, what can you say. When I was diagnosed in 2011 with prostate cancer, I had an operation to remove it. I experienced complications and when all was said and done with, I was totally incontinent and impotent. It was devastating to me. I ended up overdosing twice on the medication the doctor had me on. Well, those actions forced me to be hospitalized and through an out patient program, I was weaned off what I had been taking and monitored to find what drugs would actually work for my depression. Currently I am being successfully treated. I have now been clean for two plus years, if you don't consider my medication. All that said, my cancer has progressed. I now have stage 4 prostate cancer with many bone matatises. It is incurable. Though I am not depressed, my anxiety at times is through the roof. I obsess on my condition and find it hard to be still. I go see my current p sychiatrist next week and will tell him. But I'm not sure what can be done being the addict that I am. If it can be abused, I'll do it. I also fear the pain my disease will cause. The oncologist has already prescribed pain killers. When I told him I would hold onto the prescript ion, he told not to do that. He said when the pain comes, I would not want to wait to get it filled. So my wife has hid the drugs so they would not be a temptation. This post is just a way to give voice to the fear in my mind. Whatever you reply with, I will welcome.

Hey JC,
I received a terminal prognosis is November last year. That doctor resigned without notice and now my GP is overriding the specialist opinion and telling me it didn't happen and that I am psychotic. My specialist is coming back next week so hopefully the GP head-f'ing will stop. I still need to find another GP regardless though. She didn't question the specialist when she was there, but when the cat was away, the mice certainly did play! It was tough news to hear but I had adjusted within 3 months. To be invalidated on something so serious was what had me taken to psych by ambulance yesterday. I have also had cancer but I was extremely fortunate with that. Surgery got it all... no chemo or radiation required and I've been cancer free for 5 years. I didn't know it would turn out so well. My partner had just lost his sister to cancer and was treating me like a dead woman walking. It was had to have him give up on me as soon as I was diagnosed. I also have serious GA reactions and they were more concerned they would lose me on the table. The surgeon told me I only had 25% chance of survival. I told him that was 25 times the chance I needed to survive. They are very risk averse and it did take me some convincing. But he performed the surgery. I am so sorry you have such an awful prognosis. I got my awful prognosis in another form with a whole lot of head-f'ing mixed in. I am not you and I cannot know the exact range of emotions you feel and their intensity, but I hope in sharing my story you might be able to get a sense that, within the mishmash of my own life experience, I may have touched on some of the emotions you are going through atm. It can be a lonely experience with a range of experiences that are not experienced when we are blundering through life dealing with the frustrations that come from living. When our attention turns from living well to dying well, it is a profound psychological adjustment to make, as natural as dying is. That adjustment is a very personal experience and brings up thoughts and emotions unique to each individual. You don't have to deal with Stage 4 cancer alone. Stage 4 cancer is a huge deal so of course it impacts on bipolar. Please feel that support is available here during the uncomfortable feelings and when they are intense, as well as enjoying the good days with us. Genuine warmth and good wishes xo

I just hoped sharing my experiences may help JC feel less alone. I hope he comes back.