Saying Hello

Hello, I'm New.

That sounds nice to say... I was looking for a place to find support, healing, and friendship that didn't include the need to be Too Careful, Too Guarded, Too Beige, "Normal", or "Fake".
I have BiPolar Dis-order (Rapid Cycling, Axis 1), Generalized Anxiety Dis-order, Stage Fright for Every Day Occurances (Like checking the mail or grocery shopping), and Chronic Complex PTSD (which is just code for Borderline).
I am so alone, but not alone. I am not hideous, but I have behaved hideously.
I used to write, I used to paint, I used to be capable or confident enough to play music with other people in front of other people. I try.
I have children. They need me to be OK.
I need me to be OK.
I need your help so that I might help you, or someone else.

Yes, I'm medicated. I can't focus on writing or music or art or plants too well anymore... I'd like to, though.

Peace,
Carrie Ann

Welcome. Here is how I think about it and explain it.

The person you where, the person you where your whole life, with the meds that person is mostly gone. Not all the way, but a lot of it goes away. This includes both the good and the bad.

Now you need time to grieve for the person who was who is no more. Its kinda like a death of a loved one, only you are that loved one. You need time to learn to love and understand this new person that the meds make possible. Acceptance is a huge help here.

Many of my great desires have disappeared, and learning to live with that has been tough. But with hard work, and a great couple of dogs, I have found new meaning and joys in my life that are not self destructive.

Bill