bipolar daughter also with borderline traits and not doing well

Hello,

My name is Georgia. My daughter is 30 years old and was diagnosed bipolar II when she was 14 after the loss of her grandfather who was also a surrogate father. She got married to a man 15 years older about five years ago who has a drinking problem and in some ways is nice. But he does not act in ways that might help her. He has filed for divorce though she has still not been served. It was filed on May 21. She does not want to let him go. She has such serious abandonment issues. She has been living with me and mom (92 years old) for almost two years now.

Things have become much more serious. She still tries to see him and two nights ago used her fist and broke a window in his house from the outside. He called the police and she was arrested then she feigned sick and they took her to local hospital instead of jail and they let her go home. I have been trying in vain to get her to agreed to psychotherapy. I say worried constantly. She is verbally and physically abusive to me (I am 66 years old). There is no peace at home. She breaks things when she is angry or does not get what she wants and does not seem to understand that her words and actions affect other people. I have tried to have the police come and get a 72-hour hold on her but they have not been any help. She has burned herself with cigarettes.

Her psychiatrist basically has not been helpful. There is a mental health court I could go to and ask the Judge to have her admitted into psych hospital involuntarily.

Has anyone on the board gone through anything like that?

Thanks. Georgia.

Hello Georgia,

Welcome to the forum !

I'm sorry to read about your situation. I agree with HT. It seems that you have already explored all your options. It may be a tough decision, but the best option right now is to have her admitted involuntarily. This way she would not a danger to herself or anyone. She would also be getting the treatment she needs to get better.

Please remember to take care of yourself too. This is a lot to handle. Please know that we are here for you.

UA

What I found out yesterday was that she has been using methamphetamine which is a horrible, horrible thing. It makes someone like her totally crazy and unpredictable. She was supposed to go voluntarily yesterday to inpatient treatment, then it was going to be today and now it is tomorrow and now she also says she is not staying more than three days. Well might as well forget it I think.

My life is total hell. You know, she NEVER thinks about what her actions and words do to anyone else. Yesterday was very, very difficult for me. When I told her I was tired, she asked why. I told her it had been a very rough day for me. She said "YOU'RE TIRED--think about how I was feeling."

No empathy at all I guess.

Thanks for your responses.

Do you all think I should see the Mental Health Judge and get a Mental Health Warrant to have her involuntarily admitted for as long as they need to.

I'm sorry I know this is hard, but you need to kick her out of her house. You and your mom are putting yourself at risk. I know how hard it is to have kids and have to kick them out but you are enabling her and she will never get better as long as you are putting up with her crap. Kick her out and let her make decisions for herself for once in her life. Sorry to be so blunt, but I'm concerned for your safety.

Thank you so much for your replies. My plan right now is she has an appointment tomorrow at 2:00 to register for outpatient treatment to start Monday. If she refuses to go at that time, then eviction proceedings will begin. It takes 30 days. She is not allowed while living in my house to go out at night. She will need to look for a job right away. She can work at night and I will check to make sure she is there when she is supposed to be. If she ever touches me again then all bets are off and I will make a police report. We will not live that way ever again. Her doctor sent her a letter that said if she is not in treatment then he will no longer be her doctor.

Her estranged husband told her that if she does not comply he will not ever speak to her again.

I am new to this drug stuff and plan to make sure everything happens the way I have told her it would.

Thank you all very much for your thoughtful and very insightful messages.

Georgia.

P.S. She really likes her creature comforts and I don't think she wants to give them up. She always banked on my not making her leave but she is now going to have to learn the hard way.

Hi,

I am very thankful for this site because I feel that everyone of you is so insightful and your comments are so helpful and with the best intent.

Her problem right now is that she thinks she has already earned everyone's trust and that just is not so. She claims she is the one who asked for help. Yes I understand she told the hospital that and all but she did not do anything about it until she was forced.


Thanks.

Georgia