bipolar and coworker that hates me

How do I deal with a coworker that hates me? I just got this job, it has been 3 weeks now. This girl I think feels threatened by me, so she does her best to make me angry. She also does not do her job, or does her job wrong. Why is she still there? She is buddy buddy with the boss. I have already had an issue with her treating me badly. Now she likes to snap at me and tear me down, treating me like I am a stupid child. With her, it pushes ALL my triggers. How do I not snap back at her? I need this job. If it came down to it, they are more likely to fire me than her since she is "experienced" and I am not. I have been told this can happen at any job, so not sure job hunting is worth it. Any ideas on how I can deal with this?

Hi porcelainXbeauty,

Welcome to the forum !

Is your co-worker's boss, also your boss? Or do you both have different bosses. If you do, I would suggest to talk to your boss. If you both have the same bosses, it will be difficult to chat with your boss, especially since you just started, and they consider you the 'new person'.

It can be hard staying hard through any form of negative energy. If she feels threatened by you, this can be her form of retaliation, and handling it. She may also be jealous of the good performance you are showing. Just remember that the the problem is her, and not you. Just remember to breathe and stay calm. Displaying self-discipline can deescalate a situation because you are aware of your attitude and behavior towards the other person, and can make adjustments accordingly. If you feel like it is overbearing, go someone where you can be alone for a bit.

When things settle, and you are accustom, I would suggest you chat with your boss if her behaviour continues.

I hope things get better, and works out at this job for you.

UA

You sound like you have a good boss. No, it sounds like you have a great boss.

She said all the right things. Let you go home early? How about, boss of the year?

What sort of stories does she tell that upset you? Oh, you say that his girl has been lying about you.

It could also be part of our bipolar, I know I can't take much because of my bipolar, that I can fly off half-cocked sometimes.

That I'm the one in the office looking at others as upsetting me, and other people in the office don't seem to have any problems with that, and I'm the only bipolar in the office.

It sounds like your medicines are helping, so you can be thankful for that.

I have a situation going on now with my neighbor. She teamed up with somebody and attacked me. She and the other person got caught, and now I'm not having anything to do with either one of them, which is putting them both under duress.

Oh, they can't stand that, they'd much rather be winning. The way I win is I quit having anything to do with either one of them. I don't attack them, I just don't have anything to do with them, and that just slays them.

So, the woman next door who attacked comes over, seemingly often, wanting to know if there is anything she can do for me, trying overly nice, to see if I will come back to her side, or to see if I will snap and then she will have something on me. I have to see how long I can stay neutral.

So, I know what it's like to be in that situation. As a bipolar, I'm taking Lithium for my mania and Mirtazapine for my depression. Did you ever say if you were taking any medicine?

Do you think you might be Bipolar?

I'm glad you are on medicine. It keeps us calmer in situations like this.

I think when we get into it with somebody like this, our doctors want us to change or up the meds.

I know when I was working in an office, and was having office politic situations, I would come home a lot of nights complaining about somebody from work. One of the points being, I wasn't diagnosed as bipolar, and I wasn't on any medicines.

So I was kinda worrying about you maybe not being on any meds and all wrapped up in an office situation. So, I am glad you are on medicine. Again, I've had problems with neighbors, and I was telling myself, don't fly the handle at one of these people, they would love to go report something.

First, they won't report what they said to get you riled, they will report what you said, then deny what they did or said. So I try not to walk into that trap.

What is it I've heard? "Haul out the cordial." Meaning, really nice "How are you today?" But nothing more. As in avoidance. Again, when this woman from next door comes over, and says for the 10th time, "Can we help you with anything?"

I very politely tell her, "I have somebody who helps me, but I do appreciate it."

I don't appreciate it. And then when she's gone, I pat myself on the back for being so nice to her. She'll continue to try to wear me down. But I am just as determined to keep my calm.

That's where the medicine comes in. Oh, happy day. I wouldn't be this calm without the medicine.

That's why your doctor is wanting to change your meds. You're losing it, and she sees that. You're right on the edge. Your doctor is on your side. Stay positive that you can get through this.

Hi porcelainXbeauty,

Remember to breathe. Just breath in, count 1 2 3, and breath out.

Sometimes it is hard when you are the new person. It takes time to get adjusted. Sometimes senior co-workers like to give the newbie more work.

I hope the meeting will go well. Just speak the truth. Let them know how you feel, and what they are doing to make you feel this way.

Work with your doctor on getting to a better place. Hope you will feel better soon.

UA

Oh, well. Some ideas are better than others.

I had a feeling that could go bad, even though I was the one who suggested you might want to tell your boss that you were on pain medicine which might be putting you on edge.

Didn't mean to get you in trouble, but I just thought it might explain some things to your boss.

I can tell you, as bipolar, I had a lot of trouble with bosses, and some fellow employees, during my working years. It was probably my bipolar, and I had not been diagnosed or put on medicine at that time.

You said, "I am bipolar. Currently taking Latuda and Cymbalta. But my doctor thinks its not working as well as she would like, and wants to try me on a new medication. I told her I am not ready to change medicines yet, I would rather wait until I am in a better place I guess."

This might be a good time for you to think about changing medicine as your doctor was wanting.

I wish I could give you advice on the job situation, but as someone who has been through much of what you're talking about, I wouldn't be able to do that. I was looking for help myself.

I can tell you some stories. One is, this man was working at Kroger grocery store. The boss came up to him one day and said, "I'm going to make you the manager of the produce section, just fill out this form. The guy said, "But I can't read or write." And the manager said, " Well, if you can't read or write, you can't work here any more."

So, the guy had to quit. After awhile, he started a little fruit and vegetable stand. Then he expanded it to a small grocery store, then to a larger grocery store, then to a chain of grocery stores."

A newspaper reporter came up to interview him, and the grocer told him, "You know, I can't read or write." And the reporter said, "Well, guess where you would be if you could read and write." And the man said, "I would be produce manager at Kroger."

A former amateur golfer was once lamenting about his loss of an important tournament. It led him to turn pro, and he won a major tournament, and a lucrative TV announcer contract.

He said if he had won that first tournament as an amateur, he would not have turned pro, for he would have already met his goals. He said, fate has a way of putting a person where he was supposed to have been in the first place.

So, fate may be pushing us around through win and lose, to where we were supposed to have been in the first place. It does hurt. Maybe by getting on the right meds we can do better. As a bipolar, I take Lithium for the mania, and Mirtazapine anti-depressant for the depression. For me, I'm doing pretty good on that.

Thank you for your nice comments. I like stories, also, especially inspirational ones.

I was cleaning up the kitchen right before I came on the website, and one of the things I was thinking about was this awful social experience I had many years ago, in which I did not do well.
And it would be easy enough for me to think, I must be a horrible person, to have messed that up so bad. Then I kept thinking about it, and then I thought, I just don’t good in social situations. One on one,

I do OK, but not in a group.

Then I thought of my dad, who I had just recently written some family history about, and it reminded me that he was not good in social situations, but he was good in one on one situation. So, it reminded me that I had inherited that.

That it was not an illness, it was just something that I had inherited.

So, maybe we’ve inherited some of these difficulties we might have. For instance, my mother’s mother had bipolar, and during the 1930s and 1940s, they didn’t have Lithium, or anything for bipolar, so she spent many years in a central state hospital away from her hometown because she was “bad,” she couldn’t control her mind like many other people.

She wasn’t bad, she was mentally ill, and they had nothing for it. We are lucky that we were born into a time when there are medicines for mental illness, such as bipolar. When we do have a chance to be productive, to lead a normal, good life.

So we have things to be thankful for. We have things we wish we didn’t have, also, but we don’t get everything we ask for.

You said, “I do believe I need to improve on myself, like not letting people like her get to me, and not making my job my source of worth. I need to work on finding a way to relax”

What I’ve tried to do in the last number of years is to stay positive about upcoming problems, the next one in particular, that I can solve them. Rather than negative that I am doomed, like I use to do, for I was raised negative.

You said, “I had a job interview today. It went great!”

One line of work which I found better for me was home health care. There weren’t a lot of other employees or bosses around, and I found I did better in that situation.