Posted 9/15/2019 3:06 PM (GMT 0)
I'm new here. I am just happy that I found a forum that is current and not from years back. I suffer from Bipolar , depression and anxiety disorder. I decided to pick this forum for today. I am not doing so great. My bipolar is rearing it's ugly head and the last couple of weeks have been an absolute disaster . I can't work because my anxiety is so bad it literally makes me feel paralyzed. I have a teaching degree and I've been subbing for 3 1/2 years. I hate it! I literally was waking up every morning in a cold sweat and barely getting in 3 days a week. I finally got offered a job this year and my anxiety is so overwhelming I turned it down. I am not unhappy with my decision. I know I couldn't do it, and I did not want the students to suffer or have a mental break at work. But now everyone is mad at me , including my husband. I have student loans to pay back and have no idea what to do at this point b/c I literally can't get of the sofa. I am literally paralyzed with fear, worry and panic. I am also depressed and can not concentrate. I am arguing with my family and have terrible mood swings. I think the pressure of teaching and having to go to work everyday to a job that I HATE just set me over the edge and I"m having a hard time getting myself back. Through out my life any time I have have extreme pressure, stress my bipolar gets so bad I can not function. I have been to several different doctors, psychologists, csw and have had dr.'s prescribe many many medications. I DON'T do well on bipolar medications , side effects are awful. I'm currently taking Cymbalta 60mg. 1x a day, and I have Xanax but don't take it b/c it makes me feel worse the next day. My anxiety makes me fear taking a new medication so I have not tried any new ones in years. I am tired all the time b/c I am having a hard time sleeping . I feel like I'm in a dark hole and I am trying to get out but keep slipping down the wall.