Going up?

I dunno whats happening. I had been two years without any major bp symptoms. I haven't been medicated for that long, either, but the last two days I can definitely feel myself going up. I wouldn't say I'm even hypomanic yet, but I'm definitely heading in that direction. Usually I do my best to not get help when I start going up, but the last time I did that- as good as it felt- I got kicked out of school :(

I also have some drug abuse issues that I feel are behind me, but realize could come back at any time. I'm medicated with narcotics for a peripheral neuropathy and Thoracic Outlet Syndrome and in the last 5 months I haven't once over-used or otherwise misused my medications (before I went to rehab, however short of a time I was there, opiates were my DOC). This last week I've been on a dose much lower than usual (reg. doc on vacation, just after he switched me to a new med).

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I haven't seen a psychiatrist in two years and the only doctor close to me is on vacation. I should have seen it coming, I guess, though. about two weeks ago I was way deep in a depression. Of course a mania is gonna follow a depression!! And on top of that, I decided to take an ephedrine/guafenesin tablet because I was coughing a lot last night, and wanted to stop for class. I forgot that ephedrine was a stimulant! I feel like I'm running triple time right now, mentally. But then again I also feel like my comprehension of school subjects is double what it usually is. But I also can't concentrate. Its sort of a trade off, there I guess. I just don't know where my behaviour is gonna go. My concentration always sucks, this is only aggravating it.

Oh boy!

Hope you're all having a good day, sorry if this is a little rambly :(

Hammilton

Ehh I don't need them all the time. At least not if I could keep these long periods of nothing. They haven't been the norm for me, but everything that starts ends, I just hope they do before I do. I avoid medications like the plague now, except for the painkillers. Bipolar may last a lifetime, but it definitely doesn't run me like pain can.

I do need a doctor, I agree with you there. I have topamax, its never worked great in the past, but at least it doesn't make me fat. I'm gonna go chill (as best I can), but if anyone sees this and has AIM my nick is smirnoff4capt .

K mebbe i'll go see yall in chat later.

Hey hammilton, 

I think it is great that you have so much insight into your illness and what the triggers for it are.  Even your drug addiction.  Going on and off the medication, as Ellie stated, for Bipolar Disorder is a common trend among people who have this diagnosis.  This is also common with people who have depression too.  You start to feel better and believe that you no longer are in need of the medication or can handle/control things now.  Which in more times than not is so wrong and detrimental to our care and mental health.  Please do seek out a psychiatrist for treatment.  Take care...