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Bipolar Husband in Denial HELP!

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Posted 3/31/2006 9:59 PM (GMT 0)
I am 24 and have been married for a year and a half to a man that is ten years older. I have always known that there is something wrong with him, but I have been attributing it to his alcoholism. I recently spoke to his father regarding are failing marriage and asking for advice as to what I should do. He then proceeded to tell me for the first time that my husbands mother has manic depression and his father is concerned that is what is going on with my husband. He has the mood swings, withdrawl from family and friends, alcoholism, serious anger issues, over confidence to the point of arrogance, refusal to go to the doctor, extreme jealousy, he eats only sporadically, he lies, makes excuses to get out of social situations, has irrational and irresponsible behavior (Like getting a DUI not dealing with it and then driving without a drivers license for ten years, while driving my car and others while lying about having a license), he ignores all responsibility for the negative things that have happened to him and blames everyone else.  He is in complete denial about his problems and blames me for everything. He is unwilling to go to therapy or go to a doctor to get checked out. Our relationship has been rocky at best since the beginning, and I am at the point where I don't think I can take it any longer. He is emotionally abusive towards me and his anger is starting to get more physical. With the alcoholism he loses control.

My problem comes with how to deal with the revelation that my husband may be acting this way because of a medical condition. His father wants to plan an intervention to force him to recognize that he can't continue and needs help and medication. I want to be supportive of him, but after everything he has put me through I am not sure how much more I can take. I am more than willing to be there for him to help him through this, but I don't know if I can do this as his wife. We don't have any kids, thankfully, but it was always are plan, and I don't want kids with him knowing that they could inherit his disease. This sounds selfish to me, but I can't keep giving without getting anything in return. I used to be a super happy and smily person, but dealing with him daily has brought me down emotionally and he is starting to break me. Even though I have a good job and am working towards my Master's degree, he constantly tells me I am stupid and immature because I am younger than him. I couldn't possibly have any advice for him because I haven't experienced life enough to tell him how he is doing it wrong. I don't know how to reach him. I am concerned that an intervention will push him further away from me and his family. I have been scared to leave him in fear of what he would do to himself or me. Does anyone have any advice as to how my family and I should approach him regarding treatment. Does intervention work with manic depression? I want to help him but I just don't know how when he is in denial.   

Posted 3/31/2006 10:35 PM (GMT 0)
Hi,  I am so sorry for all that you are going through.  My boyfriend has Bipolar Disorder and two years ago it became so bad that he had to be involuntary committed to a psychiatric hospital for 3 months.  He was always jealous and suspicious of what I was doing and where I was going.  Never physical or mentally abusive as he is the nicest person you would ever what to meet.  But one day he thought there was a phone in the bathroom wall that the FBI was monitoring him with and tore out the wall with his bare hands trying to find it.  When we tried to calm him down he fell on the floor having some kind of seizure or heart attack like thing.  The ambulance and police came and off he went.  It first was a 72 hour commitment that was extended, and I guess he didn't at time know that he dint have to stay past that 72 hours or that he could sign himself out.  But that was the turning point for him as he did get medication and learned a lot about his illness.  It is extremely hard to be with someone who has Bipolar Disorder who refuses to get treatment for it or who is abusive on top of that.  My suggestion for you would be if he has no desire to help himself regardless of his illness than you need to think about what is right for you.  The behavior is only going to escalate the more it continues.  You can do an intervention but I am not too sure that would accomplish too much at this point if he is resident to going to therapy.  Hopefully some else here much more educated on this than I would be able to give you some suggestions.....I hope things work out for you.  Take care and welcome to Healing Well forum, we are glad to have you.

Posted 3/31/2006 11:06 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for the support elisha! My husband is also very jealous. I told him I wanted to go out with one of my girl friends tonight and he is convinced that because we are having marital problems that I really want to go out so I can find someone to cheat on him with. It's so hard to deal with the lack of trust. When I try and talk about our relationship he shuts me out, he just doesn't want to deal with it and jumps to the topic of divorce. I know he doesn't want to get a divorce, but he can't cope with our problems and in the past he has always dealt with problems by running away. His manic deppressive mom left his dad when he was seven and his sister was five, and I don't think he has ever trusted a woman since. He hasn't had any delusional episodes yet, well any that he is willing to share. He would probably attribute them to flash backs from drugs he used to take when he was younger. about six weeks ago the light bulb went off for me that I was taking too much from him with nothing in return. He can be such an amazing person it is so hard not to look at those times and be hopeful, but I am starting to realize that I can't save him. I have been hoping that I would be enough incentive for him to turn his life around, but with me still in the picture rescuing him he can never hit bottom, and he may never have to face his problems. It's just hard to watch someone you love throw you and their own life away.
Posted 4/1/2006 12:34 PM (GMT 0)
Hello, I am no doctor but his alcohol abuse is 99% of the problem. Even if he went on medication you can not drink and use meds with any results at all. I used to be a alcoholic and I lost a beautifull wife, house and my dignity.
Posted 4/1/2006 4:31 PM (GMT 0)

You are so right chapstick that drinking is going to exacerbate whatever is going on mentally.  Which can ultimately lead to disaster.

WifeinNeed: It sounds like you are in a difficult situation.  My heart goes out to you.  You are more than welcome to continue to seek support here as there are so many people that can give you insight into this illness. 

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