Hi everyone.
I started taking Lamictal for the first time about a year ago and had great results. As I've shared before, I tried to get off of it a few months ago in attempts to be off most meds to try and get pregnant. My mood and functioning plummeted, so I'm back on all the meds. With Lamictal, I had to do the starter pack like everyone else (d/t risk of rash), so am only on 50mg right now and into the 4th week. I think that we found 200mg to be theraputic last time. I don't remember how long it took to take effect last time, and am impatiently waiting.
Along with Lamictal, I'm also prescribed Zoloft, Dexedrine and Ambien. I've been sleepy at night and able to fall asleep w/o meds but not for more than hour or so. With Ambien, though, I'm only sleeping 4-5 hours. And I realize that this is better than a lot of people, and better than I would be w/o meds.
My husband and pdoc think I'm doing better in the last few weeks. I'm not as tearful, but internally I'm still full of anxiety, fear, pessimism, and sometimes pretty helpless and hopeless.
I am just so tired of my mind not stopping. Constant questions and ideas and distractions. It's like I can't block out any random thought that comes in - my mind's a big vacuum sucking so much crap in that you can't possibly find what you're looking for when you open it up. I can't figure out the order things should be in - which steps of a task to do first - which ideas / paragraphs in what order. Have difficulty categorizing / departmentalizing my day, my stuff, my files. Have great difficulty knowing where to put things in my house, my office, my work bags. Spend a good bit of time moving items from one room to another b/c not sure where they should go and then get side tracked seeing something I left somewhere else.
My mind always thinks in a less linear fashion and more in a live-oak tree form of tangents. (Just picture an old southern home w/ big oaks - my thoughts split at the trunk and go in all sorts of directions.) But it's definitely worse right now.
This all makes it very difficult to get a task accomplished. It takes longer and considerable effort to read. I start pages and paragraphs over repeatedly because my eyes instinctively want to scan / skip around. And writing - to compose an email for work might take 4x the time it should. Even in this email I've started and stopped at different points and so expect it to be less coherent than it could be.
And I dont' know whether all this stuff is Bipolar related, or Obsessive Compulsive or....I just know that it's tiring. Any ideas out there - anyone experience similar symptoms?
I'll be glad when the Lamictal kicks in, and I hope that it works well this time.
If anyone has any insights, I appreciate them.
Specificallly, I need help with:
1. Changing thought patterns from automatically negative to hopeful - I look forward again to seeing opportunities rather than obstacles and impossibilities. (This is the biggest difference I noticed on Lamictal - I felt that things were possible, enjoyed people - I wasn't so darn scared of everything. Therefore, my worldview was considerably more positive.)
2. Slowing my thoughts down and getting them in some kind of order so that my life, my home, my work, my conversations can have some order and make sense. And I'll enjoy it all more.
This might should be in another post as it's not all that related to Lamictal. I'll copy it and look and see if another one out there better fits.
Thanks.
h