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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 5/4/2006 7:09 PM (GMT 0)
I'll try to make a long story short.

Abusive childhood.

Anxiety started at age of 7.

First diagnosed with panic disorder at 24 put on paxil cr .25. Good for three years...pretty much. 

Doc took me off of paxil, for some reason, switched me to Lexapro. Didn't work.

Since then I have tried

Paxil CR up to 50mg

Lexapro up to 15mg

Seroquel

And currently am coming down from 200mg zoloft and take .5 xanax three times a day.

So, my doctor wants me to stop trying the SSRI's and move on to something else. I am OCD and have high anxiety. But she also thinks I might have a little tendency toward bi-polar because the high dose of zoloft was making me a little crazy. Can someone be slightly bi-polar...what does that mean?

So for those of you who knows how I feel...I need some advice.

It's like I will be fine for a couple of weeks...then, bam. The bottom drops out. All of the sudden I find myself completely worried about something...get anxious and then drop into a depressed state. Once it lifts, I'm usually fine for awhile. I know I have time where I am really productive and happy about it. It's like I come up with these huge projects:

For instance...

I'm going to plant a garden, but not only that...it will have herbs that I can learn to dry and then I can make everyone homemade spice racks for Christmas...and I will plant gourds in there and make birdhouses for all of my friends homes.

And, I was really productive for three weeks. Put up a fence, planted a ton of stuff...then bam...now looking at makes me want to vomit it stresses me out so bad.

And last week I got so angry with this girl...it was like going into a tailspin I was so mad. I hated her. The sight of her made me physically enraged. Now I'm fine with her.

Is this how bipolar can feel?

I've never spent thousands of dollars or had lots of sex, which I thought was a big sign. I have had some pretty intense infatuations. 

I just know I go from fine to the dumps. It's like a rollar coaster ride. hunky dory one day...bam...hell the next. I guess I'm just looking for some advice. i don't know anything about bipolar...I just know about OCD and Panic...and do they go together.

I'm lost. I need help. I need hope.

Sorry so long.

Posted 5/4/2006 8:06 PM (GMT 0)
I am sorry to hear that you feel so confused, and having any type of mental disorder can make us confused. I am not a doctor, but the symptoms you are describing as the roller coaster ride was me about a year before being diagnosed as Bipolar. You said that you didn't have the two big symptoms, and even if you are Bipolar, you may never develop them, or if you go untreated they may develop in the future.

I was feeling the same way a year ago....up and happy for a week and the next week depressed and laying around in bed crying. This continued for months until I finally went and talked to my college counselor. She gave me a test called the mood disorder questionnaire and based on my responses, she said I had a 85-90% chance of being bipolar and that I should get an evaluation from a professional. My family didn't think anything was wrong and I didn't think it was that severe, and continued to stay on the roller coaster. Now, about three months ago (at least a year after talking with my counselor) I was extreme. I would be crazy in the morning (kicking my legs non stop, making crazy childish noises for an hour, threating to take my clothes of in front of people I shouldn't, etc) and then I would be completely depressed at night (suicidal attempts, anger, frustrations, uncontrolable crying) I became so bad that my husband called in almost once a week to stay home with me worrying that I would commit suicide. I had been at a great job for a month and my emotions became too uncontrollable and I had to quit. It was then that I decided to get help. I went to the psych doctor and he diagnosed me as bipolar and put me on Lamictal. Now, two and a half months later I feel great and most of the craziness is totally gone!

My advice to you is this: What you are describing of yourself sounds like me a year ago. If I would have received help then, things would not have escalated to the point of suicide and loosing my job. If I were you I would seriously talk to you pshyc doctor about how you are feeling. You can also take the mood disorder questionnaire on line and print it out to take if you score a high number. I really wish that I would have went for a help a year ago instead of waiting and then going through lots of pain! It would be better to get help now, at least an evaluation instead of waiting too long. I wish you luck and let us know how everything goes.
Posted 5/7/2006 2:23 AM (GMT 0)

Ashley:

Check out some mental health websites and see if the description of bipolar sounds like you.  Do a Google search--there's tons of info out there.

Do you have racing thoughts when you're up???  If so, and you can't calm down and get a good night's sleep, I'd say you have some form of bipolar.

We now refer to the time before I was diagnosed as 'the wild years' as my poor hubby had no idea what mood I'd be in when he came home or when it would switch.  The severe ups and downs are probably an indication that you may well have bipolar. 

Posted 5/8/2006 8:45 AM (GMT 0)
Was that message for me? I was posting advice to lilsismj.
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