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SCARED NEWBIE HERE AND I DONT WANT TO BE ME ANYMORE!

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Posted 8/7/2006 4:39 PM (GMT 0)

i have a wonderful family. i am Tina 28 years old a fiance Louis35 and 2 kids Victoria 9 and Skyler 7...i am lucky to have them,,,but i just dont wanna be me anymore i want this to end if i am in pain the people around me have to be as well i am all pumped up on these awful meds and they are not making me feel any different but everyone says they see a difference. i do not want to be on meds the rest of my life what should i do ...i dont want to continue to be in pain in my head and the people around me do not deserve it either! but i do have a great support group not to mentin the horrible anxiety the eating of the skin off of my fingers the restless leg syndrome and all that wonderful stuff like adhd....not to mention soo i will be tested for md/md/fibromyalgia hope my thred wasnt too long if so i am sorry but if yuo can help me please do i will take any advice if it will help and not put me down rite now im doing the running man you know the restless leg thing lol get back to me if you can!hope all is well for you and god bless!

Posted 8/7/2006 4:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tina.
You didn't say how long you had been on meds. Many times our familys can see an improvement before we can feel it. If you've only recently been put on medication it may be some time before you feel the difference. These meds don't take effect immediately. Many take weeks or even months to build up to a therepeudic dosage in your bloodstream.
During the early days or weeks there are also side effects to be dealt with, most of those will subside in time and just have to be lived through. If you are feeling very badly, be sure and consult with your pdoc. There may be changes necessary.
Hang in there, you are certainly not alone. Glad you found us.
Take care
Ellie

BTW, there is also a fibro forum and anxiety forum on this site that might be helpful for you. Just go up to the quick forum jump and click on it.
Posted 8/7/2006 6:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tina,

Welcome to HW!

What Ellie says is completely true. -- I'm not bipolar, but my partner is, and I noticed little improvements weeks before he finally felt that the meds were working. Now they're *definitely* working, and he's feeling so much more himself -- even had a dance together the other day in the kitchen -- for no other reason than that we felt like it and felt happy.

I know during the worst (and even the better, but still not good) part of his recent episode, he was in huge internal pain, and terrified of what was happening to him, and I feel for you hugely at the stage you're at. But you've done the thing that so many don't have the courage to do (because it's frightening -- this comment is by no means meant to judge): you've gone on meds. You hate them, but you've done it -- please give yourself credit for that. I've just witnessed my fella starting to get his life, confidence, and humour back, and it all started with him admitting there was a problem and getting help. You will begin to get these things back to, and I hope it's sooner than you believe is possible right now.

My thoughts are with you, Tina.

Rosie x
Posted 8/7/2006 7:15 PM (GMT 0)
I AM SO SORRY TO HAVE LEFT THAT OUT I HAVE BEEN ON MEDS SINCE I WAS 11YEARS OLD I THINK I WAS ALSO THE FIRST 6 YEAR OLD TO BE DIAGNOSED WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER IN ALL OF AMERICA I AM IN MEDICAL BOOKS I AM ALSO IN A JOHN HOPKINS RESEARCH STUDY OF PEOPLE FROM THE MIDDLE EAST AKA THE JEWS I AM JEWISH AND THEY WANT TO SEE WHY JEWISH PEOPLE ARE ONE MAJORLY AFFECTED BY THIS DISEASE! I JUST PUT IT ALL UP TO BEING THE STORY OF MY LIFE LOL
Posted 8/7/2006 7:31 PM (GMT 0)
Oh Tina, I'm so sorry. Has it always been the same meds? You should definitely go back to your doc -- or if you've lost faith in him/her a different doc -- take all your history with you too. Has there ever been a time since you were diagnosed that you have felt like you were on an even-keel?

I wish I could do more than just offer you support and my thoughts.

Rosie x
Posted 8/7/2006 7:35 PM (GMT 0)
If you are feeling this bad your meds are not working like they should. You may need an adjustment in dosage or another med cocktail all together. Get back to that doc Tina, let him fix this before it gets too bad. Sounds bad enough as it is.
Take care
Ellie
Posted 8/9/2006 6:58 AM (GMT 0)
tina,

hi from another person who intigates wherever he goes.  i, too, am jewish with bp.  i wasn't diagnosed until about 6 yrs ago.  in addition to bp, i have constant chronic debilitating back pain.  a quack muffed a steoid injection in my back and the pain got so bad that i attempted suicide.  fortunately, my wife stopped me before i got too many pain pills down.  my wife took me to my gp who immedately referred me to a pdoc who eventually disgnosed me with bp.

i hate the meds and i hate the side effects.  i hate the narcotics that i take for my back pain.  but when i consider the alternative, i take the medicine.

as i said on another thread, i am 60 years old and have learned that nothing is forever.  the pendulum swings.  sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.  but it always swings.  tina, this, too, shall pass.  have patience.  hold to whatever gives you strenth - your kids, your fience, your family, your religion, or just your jewish heratage.  take that strength, along with the pdoc, and KNOW that you can overcome this.  you've been doing it for years successfully.  keep on doing it.  you and your support are stronger than this ailment.

i'll be sending you good thoughts and will keep you especially in mind on fri. night.

god bless, tina.  hang in there.  we are with you every step of the way.

warren

Posted 8/17/2006 9:14 PM (GMT 0)
i know what it feels like to wish so hard that my life was someone elses, that this is all a dream that i will someday wake from, but then cold hard reality slaps me in the face and i just break down and cry for the sake of hopelessness. I'm so sorry you have been trying so hard for so many years, I myself can only immagine what that must feel like because im only 18. I still struggle with medications too and the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I know I am strong enough to live and someday it will be happily.

Wishful thinking, thats what i live on. And medicine. Find a good pdoc. A very good pdoc. And if you tell him exactly how you feel, he can start a new cocktail of meds, maybe even just one or two, that will work for you. Try to keep faith because is this crazy and chaotic world, faith is sometimes all we have left. And we must have something to keep going.

Try to find something you are truly passionate about and pursue that goal. I found that I love to make pottery and it really helps relax me. For others it may be walking, painting, writing, cooking, sewing, anything. Having something to look forward to is an incredible feeling.

I am wishing you the best of luck with all your endeavors, whatever you do just dont give up!

Posted 8/18/2006 3:42 AM (GMT 0)
There is one thing you can count on and that is support from this group. We all have our down times and it sounds like you have had more than your share. If its any comfort at all, we understand this awful disease and how it messes with your mind and your life. I have tried suicide by an overdose of ativan so I understand the desperation and hopelessness. You hang in there honey because you have a lot to live for and just know that you are special and you are loved....Luv...Lazy
Posted 8/24/2006 3:28 AM (GMT 0)
Well I sure do not blame you for not wanting this horrible disease, I don't want it (Bipolar) either!  I know my dad didn't want it and neither did his brothers that had it, and neither did his mother want it either!  You are not alone!  I've had it diagnosed at age 38, although may have had it of course years before that.  Anxiety since teens.  Bipolar is treatable, although not cureable at this time unfortunately.  I hope to live long enough for them to find the real cure and to get rid of it for good.  Remember it is a chemical brain disorder, and it is a medical condition just the same as any other medical condition and do not be embarrassed at all.

Next, this is the first that I have heard that Jewish people tend to get this.  Well I'm surely not Jewish (Caucasian, European descent), and I have it too. 

Next, the Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) Shakey leg, I have that daily real bad too!  An uncle and aunt had this also.  Both my legs jump all by themselves almost nightly and would be for hours sometimes, an unvoluntary leg movement.  I have already went to two neurologists who can't figure out that I have any neurological issues, although RLS is supposedly a neurological disorder. 

One doctor put me on Lorazepam when my leg was jumping (not knowing why), that did help some.  Some meds I think made the RLS worse, at least Seroquel did for sure.  The RLS definitely affects sleep.  Also try rubbing and massaging your legs as sometimes that helps me out.

For now, I have figured out on my own what to do for this RLS restless leg syndrome, I take herbs called NEUROSIL you can find them online.  THEY WORK!  Well at least they do calm it down so I can handle it or cope with it.  And I also take Magnesium daily as that helps with leg cramps and leg pain. 

I spent a great deal of time searching online for any treatment for this RLS.  What also has helped calm this RLS down recently for me is Acupuncture.  Now I still have to take the herbs and Magnesium besides, but all of this combined helps treat this (not cured though).  I hope this will help you, as well as anyone else that may be searching for relief of the pain and discomfort of this bad restless leg syndrome. 

And this week a doctor did recommend a new medication and prescribed a trial dose, however, there are way too many possible serious side effects to that for me as I am real sensitive to medication.  It is something that the FDA approved of for RLS and I think it's the only actual pharmaceutical product out so far.  Something they use for Parkinson disease in a higher dose.  There are many online sites for this shaky leg, pls check them out as well. 

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