i need input. am i really bp?

i have read several articles about bp and, of course, almost every thread in this forum on bp.  one pdoc originally diagnosed me as schizophrenic, then schizoaffective.  neither of these dxs seemed to explain the behavior, so i went to my psychologist and together we went over the dsm and found that bp was a better diagnosis than schizoaffective.  i recently went to another pdoc.  after a lengthy intake inverview he dxed me as bp.

i am depressed a lot of the time and have a history of attempted suicide.  but i don't ever get manic.  i do obcess a lot and am known to dig into something (like reading or fixing a lamp) like a dog with a bone.  but these are issue-related.  i never become frantic and i usually complete tasks that i begin (beginning tasks is another story).  i get angry and verbally abusive.  when i was much younger (over 40 yrs ago) i was known to be more physical with my anger.  also, at night i often have trouble sleeping because of racing thoughts.

i think that pretty well sums my situation.  thanks for your help.

warren

Have you looked into some of the criteria for Dissociate Disorder....this is more common than most people think.

Take a look ... it might help...

rosie, i do an ongoing analysis of everything.  i consider our cars, where we live, the state of our house, our flatware, our cat, -- you get the picture.  when i was able to work, this constant evaluation helped lead to some of the most awesome (with every meaning of that word) you could imagine (in some of your worst nightmares).  now, this constant evaluation just drives me to distraction.

nothing happened.  i was just reevaluating the criteria for bp and found that i don't have manic periods or periods of heightened energy.  as a matter of fact, my get up and go got up and went a long time ago.  so no mania (although, as i said, i am obcessive).  there have two manic periods in my life, one in 1970 and one in 1984.  i did a lot of crazy things, spent $ i didn't have and hurt a lot of people, including myself.  but do 2 manic periods in 60 years count as manic for a bp diagnisis?

i have chronic debilitating back pain and take darvocet and lortab to control the pain.  over the last several months, the pain meds have pooped out.  for bp i only take lithium carbonate, but this, too, is pooping out.  because of the lithium, i also take a thyroid supplement.

i will check out dissociative disorder as soon as i get through here and with my e-mail.  thanks for the input.

thank all of you.  i am still stuck.  does any of this make any sence.  rosie, i feel like i am truely certifiable!

warren

thanks for your support.  rosie, as my best friend in the uk used to say, one swallow doesn't make a summer.  do two?  he**, i don't know. 

phoe, you're probably right.  my meds probably need adjusting.  i have become more and more depressed over the past several months.  i get along fine with the mexicans in where we live in tx, but find the evangilicals here in n al a bit much.  i don't fit in anywhere, even with my fellow jews, although the jews are moe accepting of my beliefs than the evangilicals. 

maybe i just don't belong here - or anywhere.  when i was working i had a purpose and goals.  i built systems to defend us from an overwhelmingly larger military force.  now i feel like i'm just using up oxygen.

sorry to be so down.  my back is also dealing me fits, of course.  i'm afraid to ask what else could go wrong because something surely would.

maybe i'll be my nomal wisecracking self later.  i live in hope.

warren

i looked up dissociative behavior on the net.  thanks for the tip.  but, unfortunately, i DO KNOW who and where i am.  depressing.

my two manic episodes were long ago and far away, much before i was diagnosed with bp and started taking lithium.  i've lived in a state of almost constant depression most of my life.  my manic episodes were in 1970 and 1984.  no correlation to meds.

almost all of my life i have been able to see patterns and systems in almost everything.  they somehow "glow" in front of me.  maybe my pdoc's first diagnosis of schizophrenia may be right!   

thank all of you for your help in this thread.

warren

spooky, you're too young to have back pain!  pick a more age-appropriate disease, like herpies.  you're in your prime!  (sad, huh?)

don't know is the obcession is really mania.  i'll ask the new pdoc next week.  test him out.   

djonma, my whole life has been spent doing things like that!  when i was a kid i read the entire encyclopedia britanica just because it interestd me.  not much of a plot, but good science and grreat characters.

i am often obscessive.   i once spent over a week researching an interoplation in the bible beacuse it didn't match the rest of the text.  crazy.  and i have been known to spend hours trying to salvage a broken part.

rosie, maybe i AM bp and have small manic episodes.  what do i know?  i just inhabit this body.

warren

i, too, have real problems with rage.  actually rage is an understatement.  tonight i was sweeping the floor and the cat decided that the broom was a toy.  rather than holding the broom back, i let the broom hit him.    i don't know why, but i got angry with the cat for him doing what cats do.  usually i would have played with him whith the broom.  but tonight, something just set me off.  i am also often verbally abusive.  a few months ago i went to buy a sunday paper at wal mart.  the cashier - well let's just say that minimum wage was overpayment for her.  at any rate. she asked me what the price of the paper was.  i asked her where she went to school because they failed to give her an education.  and i went on verbally abusing her.  i was out of control in a rage.  i finally paid for the paper and stormed out.

not fun for others and definitely not fun for me.

i also often have trouble sleeping.  racing thoughts.  i can't even get a handle on what they are.

you have my sincere sympathy if your symptoms are anything like mine.

your friend,

warren

I agree with inquiring about an antidepressant to take along with your Lithium...just make sure you are having your regular blood draws, as I am sure you are...while you are on Lithium.  My daughter was on a combo of Lithium and Seroquel for 2 years, not stabalizing much...one year ago we did a total med switch to Topomax as the mood stabalizer and Geodon as the atypical antipsychotic....she has been doing so well since and just recently she has been swinging in moods, since the beginning of the school year...she had a big jump from elementary to middle school.  Glad we go to the psychiatrist in 2 weeks! 

Don't discount bipolar....a majority of those diagnosed with bipolar disorders have schizophrenic-type thoughts (hense the atypical antipsychotic medications in addition to the mood stabalizers).  I call these type of thoughts Automatic Thought Distortions.  Just keep digging and learning...knowledge is the key!

Best of luck!

Rosie x