Am I spinning out of control?

Hello numbly hypersensitive. I agree that going off of meds without a Dr recommendaton may have drawbacks soon, even though you feel better at the moment. I hope that you go back on the meds and discuss the problem that you are having about the numbness and lack of concentration to your Dr immediately. Maybe then this will bring some insight to why you feel so confused and dazed. you possibly need a med adjustment. I hope that you feel better soon. Take care and good day numbly hypersensitive. Phoelona

Hi Numb

A couple of my observations. I know pdocs are difficult to start up with, and good one's are sometimes hard to find. But what is wrong with you pdoc, why would he withhold medication for a missed appointment? That is unethical on his part. Analogy-if you were diabetic and missed an appointment, would the doctor withhold insulin? Your pdoc is the proverbial quack. I think that lamictal is perscribed for mania only. So your doctor must realize that missing an appointment may be the start of a mania cycle.

And this observation is based my own experiences, so my analysis is skewed when compared to yours. But, I am going to assume you started on meds a year ago due to a depression. The meds moved you out of the depression and you felt well. But as time went by, the good feeling of moving out of a depression began to diminish and then, the possiblity of not being on the correct med mix caused your numbness.

Now, stopping your meds and feeling wonderful, in some cases, is a symptom of a manic cycle. I would recommend that you visit your doctor very quickly and explain what you have explained here. Remind this doctor that he works for you! And he can be fired.

Good luck and hope you get to feeling better.

Cap

Hi Numbly Hypersensitive,

Welcome to HW! -- I'm glad you've already found such good advice from Phoelona and Cap. I agree that your doc needs a talk-to: this is unacceptable and he could be sued frankly. Make an appointment, point out the analogy with diabetes that Cap made (spot on Cap!), and explain 1) that playing with your mental health, and ultimately your life, is not on; 2) the meds were making you numb and he should take that seriously since bp meds often need adjusting depending on what part of the cycle a paerson is in (e.g. if you're put on meds while depressed they will need adjusting when they've fixed that so that they don't precipitate a mania or leave you otherwise badly affected) -- this should be common knowledge as far as your doc goes, and I'm *very* surprised that he's not thinking inb this way; and 3) that what he did provoked you to come off all your meds cold turkey: you knew you were doing it to make a point, but you also know that making that point is dangerous and you're big enough to admit that -- now you need help and that's what you expect him to give as it's his job. ... Yes, oh boy I'm angry with your doc for being so darned tactless. Maybe you could also come up with a kind of contract between you -- that you will keep appointments (or send him an explanation if you have to miss one -- and occasionally that's unavoidable) and take meds, and he will honour your mental wellbeing by making sure that your prescriptions are available for you and by reassessing your meds and adjusting if/when necessary. I suppose there might be a way in which this crisis achieves something good: sometimes things have to hit crisis for there to be a turnaround, and this might be a good opportunity for you to form a better understanding of oyur doctor-patient relationship.

Your meds should *not* make you feel miserable and numb: if they'd stopped working and were making you feel that way, that's the sure sign that they needed adjusting. Please please remember that. Mania may feel great after all that (and for many it feels great anyway) and it's easy to give up meds for that -- because it's intoxifying and it seduces you into thinking everything's grand. BUT there's always a price, a fallout -- damage done while you're manic, and the inevitable crash that follows. Mania will keep you off balance and precipitate more mood swings. If mania's taken you crazy places before, you can't expect it to be different this time: you've got your past experience to learn from on this, and you need to use that knowledge. Remember when the meds worked and trust that there are adjustments that can be made to make them work again. In fact, since you came off them and have become manic, your doc will now *have* to make adjustments to take account of the mania -- so perhaps the point will have been made and an improved med outcome will have been achieved.

I'm thinking of you and have all my fingers crossed. -- Get onto your doc and therapist asap -- your therapist may even be able to help you on this.

Rosie x

Hi Numbly,

You know what you have to do hun -- get to your doc, to a walk-in centre, or to an ER -- but whatever you do: *get there*!!! Massive mood swings (both sides of the swing) are not going to be uncommon for someone going off meds cold turkey like you've done. We all know the problem here and we all know the solution: fix this before it gets even worse. I am rooting for you so hard, but you *need* to take that step. *Please*. Get your boyfriend to take you if you can't get there on your own and do it *now*. No time to be wasted proving points to your doc: point has been proved.

Rosie x

we're all pulling for you, but you've got to get off of dead center.  move your mind.  move your body.  move your spirit.  make that phone call.  get to a pdoc, clinic, or er.  get your b/f to take you, a friend, or a neighbor.  call a taxi.  you have lots of choices! 

warren

Hi Numbly,

Well, you sound a bit better today, *but* that doesn't change the central issue here: you do need to see your pdoc and get things back on a constructive footing. This illness is too difficult to play the waiting game with. Please get in touch with your pdoc tomorrow and start getting back on track: you need to discuss your meds.

Are you back taking the meds again? Hope so.

Rosie x

Hi Numbly,

I think this is one of the reasons that you *do* need to see your doc -- a clear sign that your meds were not working for you as they should have been. -- Different meds have different impacts on individuals and yours clearly needed a rethink.

The thing with not being on meds is that, however good you may feel now, this is bipolar we're talking about, and it doesn't go away. In fact relapse rates for people with bipolar who come off their meds (especially as rapidly as you have) are very high (something like 90% of people have a significant relapse within 6 months -- and I mean significant!!). So, yes, you need to be on meds -- but I also think you need your meds reassessing to find ones that don't make you feel terrible, because meds that were working right for you would not make you feel that way.

Rosie x

Are you guys serious about meds really make you feel GOOD? I understand Ok, or not suicidal, or not cyclying all over the place, or not so depressed you can't eat or get out of bed, or not doing drugs, sleeping with anybody who will, drinking out of control, etc etc etc, ....

Can they really, truly make you feel GOOD?

I can usually feel when reality begins to rip apart also. It’s a blessing I think, to be able to feel that letting go. However, BP can bring about some terrible tragedies when it goes beyond that point, so it is very wise to be careful. Probably, the easiest and least damaging means of being cautious with BP is to be in treatment of some kind and on medications. As I already know, BP can be responsible for my bashing my brains out or causing someone else grievous harm so – Numb, do be very careful, things can get really horrible very fast.