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I think I'm losing it

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 2/14/2007 1:38 PM (GMT 0)
Maybe I've already lost it - I am cylcothymic as most of you know - that is almost BPI anyway, in a nutshell, my moods swing VERY fast, usually like BP manic, and depressed, but here lately, they are different, i know that I need to see a doc going Friday, but thought I'd post now, to get it off my chest.. I am not going to say I have different personalities in my head, I don't hear voices, only my own, I guess, but my moods have names - does that make sense? over the weekend, I was sooo very angry, nobody could do anything right, they just kept pushing my buttons (although not intenionaly) they could have given me the world, and I'd have been mad it wasn't gift wrapped you know, anyway, while I was thinking and trying to figure out this mood - a name came to me - Stephanie - that was it - no other explaination... confused

then like my moods always do - I was solice - not really feeling nothing - and yes another name came - Connie -

started taking my Lamictal on Monday night not too sure about that one - make me sleepy, but unable to go to sleep -

Anyway, yesterday was BAD me and partner arguing about my 16 yr old son, and I was crying most of the day - again trying to think of how things are going so wrong for me - Stacie -

The thing about these names, I'm not thinkg of them, they're just popping into my head, and I don't know anyone by these names, I don't do things and then not remember them - I don't think they are multiple personalities, just multiple moods ?? I don't know, maybe I subconsiously named my moods, to help myself deal?

the only difference I notice, is that this weekend when I was so angry, I would say things and didn't care about how they sounded - when usually I'm very careful not to hurt anyone's feelings -

well, if anyone has any advice, I appreciate it - like I said, going to doc on Friday, maybe she can suggest something...

thanks for listening

Dawn - feel like me today cool

Posted 2/14/2007 9:50 PM (GMT 0)
(((((dawn)))))

hope "shorty" doesn't get jealous - but, then, i'm probably old enough to be your grandfather.  :-) Maybe he should get jealous.  it would realy boost my ego.

i don't like the sounds of what you are describing, dawn.  it could be anything - nothing or something serious.  if you were a teen, i'd even throw in hormones as a cause.  but you're not a teen and i know that your situation should not be taken lightly.

i'm glad you're seeing the pdoc on fri.  let us know what she says.  whaever it is, we're behing you all the way as a cyber-family.

may god bless and keep you.

warren

Posted 2/14/2007 10:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hey,i've done something similar to this before. But i wouldn't over analyse it, because your still aware of what your doing,multiple personality is when theirs personalities that arn't aware the other one exists,and it can be seen externally, you're not displaying any abnormal behaviour,only inside your head.

I don't know what the doctor will say,but i dont think you should concern yourself with it or think about it until the doctors on friday. Best of luck with your appointment
Posted 2/15/2007 9:57 AM (GMT 0)

I don't have names , but I do have songs for the feelings I have , they just pop into my head...sneak up on me. I couldn't tell you which song I had for which feeling as feelings are complex things so I have hundreds of songs........sometimes I have a few songs "playing" at the same time.

Smiler tongue

Posted 2/15/2007 12:50 PM (GMT 0)

thanks for the input guys..

The doc I'm actually seeing Friday is just my Gen Doc, I know, I know, I need to see a pdoc, problem is I don't have one and I know it's just going to be so hard to start from the beginning - where's that???

My friend told me something that I promise to take to heart:

You will remain the same, until the pain of remaining the same is GREATER than the fear of change

she's right - she got that from an NA meeting, but I think can be used in everyday/everybodies life.. I will start practicing that in mine

will let yall know what doc says anyway, and I have given myself 1 week form tomoorw to contact a pdoc

Baby steps - one goal at a time - I'll get there,

thanks again you guys are GREAT!!!! (Tony the tiger voice) lol yeah

Posted 2/16/2007 11:52 AM (GMT 0)

Sounds like you've got a good friend there.

So glad your taking those steps - baby steps all the way , you'll get there , I KNOW you will , I'll be cheering for ya yeah

Smiler tongue

Posted 2/16/2007 3:39 PM (GMT 0)

yes, she's been my frien since 6th grade - 25 years now...

anyway, went to doc this am - she says YES - go see a pdoc - however, she thinks it is a way for my brain to cope with the stress I'm under - well see, I am going to make an appt with that pdoc today -

will let ya'll know what's up..

Dawn

Posted 2/16/2007 5:14 PM (GMT 0)
This is an interesting concept. For me, there is the me I know, the one I am comfortable with...that is Lynne. Then there is child in me who occasionally comes out to revisit every hurt, every injustice, everything she thinks went wrong. That is Chari (my name growing up). Then there is the insecure me, the one who just knows things can't continue to go her way, the one who is not sure she what she wants to be when she grows up and is confused. This is Charalynn (my birth name). Then, there is this etherial, cerebral, mature, knowing, all loving, interconnected person who is kind, gentle, caring, rather sweet and people who come to know her love her to bits. She doesn't have a name and as I grow older, she is around most of the time. She doesn't have a name because the other people who live in my head are confused by her. She doesn't fit the external messages of growing up, nor is she insecure. She doesn't care too much about the future or the past, she is in the now. The rest of me aren't too sure just where she is coming from and how she got here. It is becoming apparent to the rest of me that this is okay and having this stranger at the helm is oddly comforting because she gets so much positive feedback about her behavior.

No, I don't have a split personality disorder! I just see and name the parts of my psyche I am in touch with.
Posted 2/16/2007 9:32 PM (GMT 0)
crikey!!!!!! i'm just not creative enough!!!

warren
Posted 2/17/2007 12:44 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Lady - that makes purfect sense - i don't think i have multiple either, I have realized that Stacie is the self pittiful me, the one that thinks everyone is out to get her, to hurt her, she wants to feel physical pain to get away from the emotional pain that we all have felt ( Dawn won't let her act on that though) She cries alot, and thinks her life is over if she doesn't get her way. Stephanie on the other hand doesn't care about anybody or anything - what she says or does - I think she's around to stop the hurt in a different way, I wish Dawn was more like her in some ways. Connie I guess is just numb to it all and doesn't care either way.. I also have a little one her name is Danielle - she's not around much anymore, only when Dawn is really happy. As far as Dawn goes, not sure about her anymore, she's alittle bit of them all rolled into one - alittle more neive, caring, giving, and wants everyone's approval, I guess I just want to be loved like I think I deserve.. Don't we all?

Anyway, thanks again

Dawn

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