New to BiPolar need lots of advice

Hi, I am so glad I found this board after looking for something to post on about this disorder I have just been told I have. 

At the age of about 24 and I am now 25 I started haveing bad panic attacks later the deppression set in.  I have been on so many meds and have come off of so many because of different issues and not to mention I wanted to see if I was "normal" again what ever normal is.

After being treated for deppression/panic/anexity I finally went to see a Psychatrist on the 15th

after a long talk and lots of questions he is almost sure I have what they call "Mixed Bipolar"

and has started me on Lamictal.  I constantly think about being on these meds and this triggers anexity and a small amount of panic.  I do have a fear of meds badly and he lets me take them at night so I feel safe (when my husband is home).  I have started on 25mg and will be on that for two weeks, then he bumps me to 50mg for two weeks and then 100 for eight days and then to 200..  This seems like so much medication the mg's are so high.  Is this safe?  btw I am now 45 sad its taken them this long to find out I have this disorder.  I dont do anything really to bad I just am manic at times up after four hours sleep wide awake and deppressed to the point of tears so I have no engery either to do much.

I need to know how I am going to feel after these meds work I have so much more anexity now, he does let me take Xanax when I feel like Im to the point i cant take it anymore.  I am carefull with it as I mentioned im terrified of pills and I only take a half, but I dont want to be on xanax the rest of my life.  Will Lamictal make me feel almost normal again one day?  Thats if it works for me.

My daughter is grown now and I feel like I should really be enjoying some life with husband and I dont.  well I am done rambling thanks for reading

NorthCarolinaGal

I called my doctor today, at times I really do laugh at myself how stupid I act the paranoia etc.. Lamactil really had no side affects that I can tell, never have I taken a med that I didnt feel spacey at first or in lala land. He said my anexity is from my racing thoughts which I know this really thinking over and over about the meds.. He said it will pass and I am ok.. Just hearing him say that made me feel so much better. I really wish there was a support group here where I live for people like me. I have looked and there is nothing. I will keep you informed about it. I will say this just start taking it, nothing bad is going to happen, he told me the worst thing is that rash and thats why they start you on such a low dose and you dont feel better for a few weeks/.
The paranoia about taking meds is part of the anexity and the phobias we develope with everything. I know alot of people with bipolar and they have more than just bipolar with it, including anexity/panic/OCD/ Add to add a few. But I do understand how you feel.
I take my life one day at a time, on my good days I really am gratefull for that.... And I know I am going to better