Unbelievable Hypomanic Day

Hi Guys,

I hate to even say this out loud--but I've been rapid-cycling for sure.  It's typical for me, the only difference (since the Lamictal) is the depressions seem to be shorter than normal and some of them have even been less severe.  For the first time in I don't know how long, I've had a few normal days on my monthly mood chart...and yes a few more hypomanic days/mood shifts as well.  Today however, I was very, very high in my mood.  It was pretty awful.  I was bouncing off the walls here at home today, doing a million things at once.  Talking and thinking so fast it created anxiety--at which point I said to myself "You need to take a clonazepam, drink some water and sit down..."  But I just kept going (cleaning the house, moving things around) and going.  All the while that thought about the clonazepam etc, kept going through my head constantly.  I must have told myself, "I have to go do that now" about 30 times today, at least.  I finally did, but I still seem to be very high (in my mood). 

Ugh!  I am exhausted, and the last two nights, have had trouble sleeping.  Only taking 50mg/night of Trazodone--Ugh--I have not missed feeling this way, yet it's still such a relief from the depression.

Here is my solution... I do have a pdoc appointment tomorrow (what timing!)--But I don't want to change my meds, b/c as you all know Lamictal is the only med I can tolerate (side effects).  I'm not experiencing any side effects, and that is necessary for me.  While I will acknowledge I am cycling a bit more, I think I'm going to try harder to manage my symptoms, just with the cognitive tools I've learned.  Ex-when hypomanic stop myself (I know I wasn't good at that today) have a bath, sit down drink water, write in my journal all of my thoughts, watch a movie, listen to music, sit in a quiet room with a book or magazine...etc.  I will talk with my pdoc tomorrow and maybe he can come up with something.  Decreasing the dose--I'm not sure about that, b/c the lower dose wasn't helping the depression...

Anyway, thanks for reading.  The thing I hate most about being Bipolar, is that I am a rapid cycler for the most part and it's so exhausting and frustrating.

Hugs to all of you.

Mogs, manual controls is GREAT for you to look at. Only change up the meds when manually you can't get control on it. Do you remember that post a LONG time ago from Dutchie, or Sukay, (I can't remember which one....) where she talked about the music she was listening to, and how she noticed it was contributing to supporting the mania and in some ways helping it along...she caught it and stopped that music and put on something soothing. Decided to go for a quiet walk in the woods and suddenly realized what a gift that gave her experiencing nature in a quiet calm relaxed state. Your suggestions are great....KEEP ADDING TO THAT. Maybe take that walk yourself...etc. The GREAT thing is how you were so observant of what you were going through. The one step you didn't stop to do was implement the supportive things you suggested for yourself...but you SAW what you really needed...so you are actually half way there. NOW....discipline yourself and do them next time. The more you learn to do this...the better you'll have control of yourself. This all sounds SO great to me....you are definitely on the right path to getting yourself to a good balance of meds and self control/self care/self discipline/self awareness....keep up the AMAZING work!!!!!!!!!!! Remember, it will take time to be fully successful with yourself, and clearly the meds are in the right direction as they have helped to allow yourself clear observational consciousness through the RR. NOW you are at CHOICE to what comes next, and don't expect it to feel comfortable at first as you manually implement the actions to support what you really need. But the more you do it, the easier it will get. I think this is ALL a great sign. I am so happy for you. LFW

Thanks everyone

My appointment with my pdoc went pretty well.  I did tell him I'm going to keep an eye on the cycling and the highs.  He asked me how disabling the hmania was yesterday or the cycling is...So I told him as long as I put in the effort and get to a more stable state when I recognize things are out of control I think we'll leave the meds where they are, for now.  He agreed.

So, today I'm still feeling a bit of euphoria--I'll have to put that in check as I get paid tomorrow!  But I am trying to keep things calm and slow.  I'm hoping to watch a movie with my bf tonight. 

And....drum roll........I started my last mod at school today--just 5 more weeks and I am finished, the school part.  Then on April 7th I go on externship; not sure where I'm placed yet.  I will let you all know.

Sukay, LFW, Serafena--it was so good to hear from you.  I hope you are all well, let me know how you're all doing as well.

Well, off to study a bit before bf gets home from work. 

 

Skeeter_Bug

I agree.  I get so much done when I'm hypomanic.  Not to mention the lift in the depression.  While the highs have their disadvantages, sometimes I welcome them.