Update

Thanks guys.  If I could just stop cycling so much with my moods, I would be all set.  It's really exhausting. 

Hello, and thanks for the update!

Whew!!! You've got through school and will have a lot less stress to deal with now that you don't have to use all of your time on studies! I'm sure that is a huge load off of your back.  Now you can B R E A T H E !!!

Glad to hear you are still working with your pdoc on your medications.We all need to learn from this.We have an active say regarding our  medication adjustments and it's good when we can start to feel/know when it's time for an adjustment. But you're doing it the correct way and that is WITH our pdoc and NOT on our own.

After reading your post I can see why you are feeling very anxious. You have a lot of things going on. But you know what you have to do, because you said it yourself and that is to take time out for yourself to relax and do what you need to do to de-stress yourself.

I like the medication adjustment that I am on right now. When things start to get hairy for me I try hard to do what I need to do. Recently I had a very stressful situation and had to increase my dosage (which I didn't want to do, but my pdoc always told me it was an option if I needed it). I had to take it for a week. After that things were a lot easier for me and less stressful and I was able to go back to my regular dosage and I feel great again. I just want to stress that just because we have to increase our meds for a time, if need be, we shouldn't stress about. We don't want to make things harder on ourselves either or possibly risk being thrown into an episode. Sometimes we need that little bit of help. Just food for thought.

Can't wait to hear of your next update. Good luck to you.

Oh mogli...I feel your pain.  It is so hard to really get through to some people about how bad bp symptoms can actually be.  I too at times feel overwhelmed to the point that I know if my husband would just hug me and tell me things will be ok....I would feel better.  But he too does not get too involved with my symptoms, he just wants to make sure I am following therapy as far as getting myself back on track when I waiver off.

Just know that there are a lot of people who understand what you are going through.  You are not alone.  I would give you a hug if I could.  Just keep your head up and be proud of yourself.  You deserve some self praise....celebrate somehow.

you might not like what i'm about to say - but i am saying it with tough love for someone i care about:   YOU!

all of us need a "safe place to fall," as DR. Phil calls it.  We all need someone with whom we can reveal our deepest, darkest, and brightest secrets.  ALL OF US need these things.  I have been very blessed with my wife.  she has put up with me and my probvlems and mental illness for over 30 yrs.  Does she hold me and comfort me all the time?  H*LL NO!  most of the time she tells me to get off my lazy a** and DO something about what's bothering me.  That, my dear friend, is love.

if she would treat me and my illness as a burdon, then i would tell her to get on with her life however she could and with whomever she could.  Love is not 50 - 50.  it's 150 - 150 and more.  when she's  down, i'm there for her, if only to tell her to go to bed and see me in the morning.  it cuts both ways.

She is a caner survivor twice over and has very little stamina left.  i suffer form debilitating chronic pain, COPD with bronchitus that shifts for chronic to active regularly (i was in the hospital for a day last week because of it), and bp.  i will move heaven and earth for my wife if need be.  i know she would do the same for   me.  these are not word games: these are honest emotions.

if i can't be honest with my wife, who can i be honest with?  if she can't be honest with me, who can she be honest with?  believe me when i say that, although sex is great, having an open, honest relationship is better and will last longer.  i cannot imagiine it any other way.

i share my pride in my wife for all of her many accomplishments and cry with her when she is hurt.  she does the same for me - i just don't have as many accomplishments .  this is the basis for a solid relationship.  this is the basis for a relationship that can "suffer the slings and arrows of outragious fortune" and hold each other with tenderness.

You have accomplished a great deal and are about to accomplish a great deal more.  You have an illness that will never "just go away."  you need someone - or someones as in a support group (and not just necessarily vitural) that can and will be there for you .

this is my experience.  i hope  it helps you.  and the best of luck on the next phase of your (continuing) education.

warren

Mogli,

I've been concerned for you? How have the last few days been going for you? Are you ok?

Is there anything else that we can help you with? We are here for you!   ((((HUGS))))

So...I've been pretty busy the last couple of days.  My bf was away for a couple of days for a hockey tournament; my Mom came over to spend a night with me.  She left yesterday.  We had a really nice time.  Did some shopping with her yesterday, then my bf got home--we really missed each other.  It was so good to have him back home.  It felt so good; it was great to feel so missed. 

Thank you all again so much for posting your thoughts to what happened this week.  Like I said before, you've given me so much to think about.  Warren--what you said has stuck with me; it's always so good to hear from you.  I hope you are well.  Sukay, LFW & serafena, your words affected me as well.  Basically from everything all of you posted, I've come to this conclusion...

My bf loves me so much.  I somehow get wrapped up in being upset with him (because in those moments, I feel he's "wrong") and forget just how much he loves me and cares for my well being and how I'm feeling.  But he's only human.  And being a bp partner isn't easy.  That is something I also forget in these moments.  Once I come to my senses, I realize that it's not easy for him.  I want to however, remember that sooner so things don't escalate the way they do sometimes.  I'm not perfect either and realize that I won't acknowledge his feelings right away all the time.  I simply want to try and do better with it.  My support worker said to me in my last session that maybe I need to lower my expectations (of my bf).  She was referring to our relationship as a whole; not just the bp complications.  But with that, and all you have said, I think that's exactly what I need to do.  Something else that you all pointed out, was that I can find support in other outlets; therapy.  Once I get a job, I hope to have counselling made available to me again.  The support I have now is the counsellor at the abuse center (for the yelling that happens in the fights my bf and I have)...so that counsellor isn't helpful with my bp at all.  But I am gaining some insight and tools to help deal with the emotional tangles for that issue between me and my bf.  My support person is great, but it's not really therapy for my bp.

So, the therapy will come again.  Just have to wait until I am working again.  That will be about a month away at least.

I am going to try and use my journal, HW, and maybe support group that meets in my city once a month--and I think that will help me with the support I am needing right now.  It's just open to everyone, for whenever they want to come.  It's available at night, so even with my externship and once I start working.  And LFW, I am going to ask my bf to hug me the next time I am feeling irritable or overwhlemed.  Instead of getting all worked up, and upset with him.

Thanks again, thanks for the hugs, much needed.  I am thinking of all of you.  I hope you are well today.

I do feel better about what I wish to try and accomplish and what I have realized.  I really do need some "bp therapy" but until then I am going to try to cope by other means.  With Tuesday being my last day of school, I cannot wait to have more time for myself--no studying.  It will be huge help as well.

(((Hugs))) I hope you are well

mogli, it sounds like you have done some terrific soul searching and self therapy.  It will be great for you to get back into a therapy more geared toward your bp, but alot of the coping advise you have gotten seems to fit as well in most relationship situations.  As a fellow bp sufferer, I do understand how hard it can be at times to remind ourselves of the love others do feel for us, as our self esteem is not always the best.  But you are right...it is important to remember that, and to  work at making our self worth a constant "fact" in our lives...then things may not escalate due to misconceptions and misinterpretations.

Just remember you are loved, and you are doing great.