What you can do is recognize that you are in a transitional period in your journey. Okay...you lost a job, and that feels lousy. But what you can do is work to go get a new one. IF you are feeling that your parents feel you are a burden...take a look at some of your own behavior presently and see if some of it could be perceived as burdensome - be honest with yourself and then work to change that. It of course would not be deliberate on your part I am sure, but if your H was abusive - you most likely got into a pattern of living defensively...it was a necessity then, but perhaps not now. Sit down and have a heart to heart with your parents and share with them the truth of what your life with your BP spouse was like, ask them their input as to what they think you should do pro actively to "get back on your feet" - other than return to him (as that is not an option). Make it clear that the last thing you want to be is a burden to them, and then ask them what you can do for them that would make having you back home a pleasant and positive thing for them as well. Ask what you can do to give back to them for their kindness in allowing you to come back home during this difficult transition time. At 27, you are mature enough to handle this as an adult. This is what an adult would do.
Now, I know realistically that when any of us "go back home" it is easy to fall into the petulant child feeling....Heck, I love my mom, but one hour at her place and I feel 15 again. So....my point...I have to get very conscious about
my own behavior and prevent myself from behaving that way. I have to consciously bring forth my "adult" mature self when I go there, or when I am with her for any length of time. I do not say it is always easy, but I am a grown up too, and when I allow it - she is also one of my dearest friends and stanchest supporters. I also have to accept my mom/parents for who they are and recognize they are no more perfect than myself, I can also recognize that I can LOVE them anyway...just the way they are. That does not mean I can't communicate when they do something I don't appreciate, or would like to see different. But HOW I share my feelings about
things is what matters. Dumping is not acceptable. Conscious mature communication that comes from an honest and appreciative state for all they are IS.
You are not a looser, just a woman going through a rough period and there is light at the end of the tunnel if you turn on your flashlight. I will be honest and share that speaking with a therapist at during this period would also be a supportive step for you so you can sort through the world of feelings I am sure you are experiencing. Good luck to you. LFW
Post Edited (loving frustrated wife) : 5/7/2008 11:13:25 PM (GMT-6)