no more running

I was diagnosed bipolar when I was 10 or 11 and prescribed lithium. I took it for a month but it didn't seem to help my condition and had harsh side effects. That was the first and last time I sought professional help (or should I say my mom did). For thirty years now I've been running away and self medicating. Both with poor results ( troubles with school, divorce, loss of custody of my son, DUI, no long term friends, years of isolation from my family, etc ad infinitum). Well, I ended up here in paradise and you would think that would be enough to keep away that never ending funk. Its not... The first few years were tolerable although pretty disfunctional (but what's new...). Last august I lost my good friend and golf buddy to lung cancer. I fell into a deep depression and could hardly get out of bed for a month (because of that my girlfriend kicked me out). He also left a widow who suffered a stroke about three years ago and cannot manage by herself and a 14 year old son. Needing a place to stay myself and no one stepping up to help his family, I decided to move in with them and run the household. Its been tough. Dealing with work (I'm a general contractor, which is a stressful occupation to start with) and the extra burden of caring for a disabled person and an adolesent teen have been overwhelming. In the last few months my drinking has gotten out of contol trying to mute the anxiety and escape the depression (I do understand this behavior is counter productive but I did it anyway - just another wrong choice). Last week I had an encounter with law enforcement (alcohol involved) which ended me up in a rubber room experiencing a complete breakdown involving thoughts of harming myself. My friend and attorney also suffers from bipolar disorder. When I filled him in about my history, he immediatly sent me to his doctor (he actually made the call for me). I went to the appointment and she prescribed trazodone. I have just begun taking it and haven't noticed anything yet except vivid and kind of spooky dreams. I also thought that finding people with similar challenges would be helpful. So here I am. I don't have much experience facing this thing and dealing with it head on but I cant continue to live the way I have been. I'm tired of hurting and am willing to go to any length to be well.

Hi Mauicharlie,

It's good to have you. Welcome to HealingWell. It's good to hear you've decided to face the illness head on instead on running around it all the time. It's hard to make that jump sometimes, and if you're having any trouble coping with just being bp, hop online and let us have it. Keep us updated about the trazodone. I hope that helps. Just like with the lithium though, back when you were a boy, the first try isn't always the right drug. Sometimes it takes two or three tries to find a medication that helps, so if the trazodone doesn't work, don't give up. There's a jillion psych drugs for us to work with -- something's going to help, it's just a matter of finding it.

serafena

Welcome Charlie,

Gosh, I'm sorry you had to go through so much growing up and your recent life struggles! You've been through a lot of rough times. But I'm so glad that you are finally able to start getting the treatment that you need.

I'm so proud that you're catching on to the right way to handle things. You have a very good friend and I hope he will be an excellent support person for you along with us here.

I've been on trazadone for a long time. I understand about the dreams. Those will get less intense as time goes by. Remember what serafena explained to you about all of the medication options that are out there to treat bipolar. Many times we need a combination of drugs to feel better and that is why it is very important to keep all of your psychiatric appointments and keep her well informed of any difficulties you are dealing with.

Most bipolars also incorporate therapy sessions as part of their wellness program. You've been through a lot, perhaps this will help you to continue to move forward in a healthy way.

Good Luck, I wish you all the best.

Hi Charlie,

I understand how you feel. Do you see a therapist for your talk sessions or does your pdoc provide that as well? When I first started my therapy sessions I was going every week and I still felt like you...incomplete, not enough time. How often do you go?

The more I went, I started to feel like I was really making some progress. It's hard to talk about everything in 1 hour but hang in there, eventually you will feel like you are making some progress.

I have been seeing my therapist for about 7 years now (every 2 weeks and weekly when things start to get a little hairy for me) and I still have things that I need to talk about.

You are making progress. Perhaps you can ask your doctor for a list of some bi-polar support groups in your area if you think you might be interested in something like that. We are always here too.

Keep us posted on how your visit goes this Wednesday.

Take care.

I'm laughing my a** off Warren! And I want to thank you for that. The visual was something else.
Started off a little tweaky this morning and went into a funk right about lunch time. I hadent been able to shake it till I got home and read that. Owe you one...

Right now I'm seeing my pdoc one a week for an hour. It dosent seem time enough but I know its a process so I should just chill. This, I guess, is like that feeling everything at once thing. Sometimes I forget the best way to eat an elephant --- one bite at a time.

Thank you guys again. You are making a difference for me. And I appriciate it very much.

Charlie

gee, guys, didn't know i was so smart and funny. lol. glad i finally, after 62 years, said something worth while.

warren