Wife a a bipolar person

I couldn't figure out how to add to the other page, so I guess I started a new one. I came to this site because I really need support. I am 25 years old and have been married for 6 years. I was 19 and he was 25 when we got married. Over the course of our marriage, we have had so many upheavals and it's a miracle that our marriage is still together. I didn't know that he was bipolar when we got married, and maybe it hadn't developed yet, but he has become a completely different person. I know I've changed, too, as I have become hopeless and jaded at times. I really try to remain hopeful and positive, but sometimes I fall apart. This is one of those times for me. about 3 years ago I found out that he got fired from his job because he outright asked some customers if they wanted to have sex. They obviously said no, so nothing ever happened. He told me about it a few days later and I fell apart at my very core. My world came crashing down around me and God was the only one who could help me. At that time, we didn't know he was bipolar. He told those closest to us what had happened I think as a way of punishing himself. I blamed myself and we moved on. I was trying to put things back together and there's so much more that happened in between, but then a few months ago my brother got divorced in a really heart-breaking situation. We were all distraught except for my husband who seemed very flippant about it and said maybe we should get divorced, too. At this time he was completely volatile and I never knew what he was going to do or say. I felt like I was going crazy. Then it turns out he wrote a "love-letter" email to my ex-sister-in-law confessing his extreme attraction to her, etc. Me and her had been friends for a long time, even before she married my brother. She told me about it. My husband acted like he hadn't done anything wrong, it was perfectly natural in his opinion that he would feel that way. I understand being attracted to someone, but acting on it in that way especially considering the situation? He didn't care about our relationship he said and couldn't care less what I did or didn't do. I moved out for 3 months, then I felt like I wasn't ready to throw in the towel yet. I wasn't joking around when I took my vows. I've been back for about three months now. He was diagnosed bipolar and is on medication. I feel extremely depressed right now. I'm 25 and I feel like my life is over. I feel like I made a grave mistake when I got married, although I prayed so much before-hand that I was making the right decision. I hate coming home. There is such a cloud of doom hanging over us. We are alienated from my family because he refuses to apologize to my brother. I feel isolated, alone, and hopeless. I feel that I've lived so many lifetimes at such a young age. I have given up hope of ever pursuing my dreams or finding joy again. I can distract myself throughout the day with work, etc., but at the end of the day I have to come back to my hopeless situation. And I still love him. And I feel so sorry for him. I guess I've said enough, but if anyone has any words of encouragement they would be much appreciated.

 Welcome to the board, and I am sorry that you have gone through so much.....

 Caren -Bipolar1-- Zyprexa 5 mgs.

I want to thank you all so much for responding. It brought tears to my eyes to read what y'all wrote, even if it didn't seem like much to you. I don't know why I didn't do this sooner. My mom talked me into seeking some kind of a support group because she is the only one I can talk to about all this. There are so may aspects to this situation that are so hard to explain in a few words. The only things holding me in this relationship are my faith in God and my deep love for my husband. When I moved back in, I knew I had a hard road ahead of me and that times like these would come when I would be weak. I went back into it expecting nothing for myself, and I know that sounds like martyrdom, but that's not what it is. I just knew how things would be and that expecting something out of it would only lead to disappointment. I have felt very trapped through these times because for me, divorce was never an option unless he physically cheated on me. And I am trapped by my love for him. I am in love, and if I could do it all over again I would never let myself fall in love. But I can't do it all over again and I need to stop thinking like that. As a person, my husband is the nicest guy you would ever want to meet. He's a hard worker, he's very considerate, he loves doing things for people, including me. So it's not that he's some monster. It is like he's two different people, though. He doesn't get violent, but he does get angry and he withdraws. Most of the time he refuses to communicate with me on a deep level. He's amicable in our conversations usually unless I try to talk about our relationship, then he shuts down. When I was considering going back, I had a list of criteria for him to meet which included making amends with my family. I realized that he wasn't going to meet my criteria, and I had to make a choice. Did a want to continue living in aimless, excruciating limbo, or did I want to start moving in some direction, even if it was the wrong one, to get some idea of my next step? I decided to do something with my only stipulation being that he had to verbally and genuinely renew his commitment of faithfulness to me. I've been back now about three months. I don't really have any security in our relationship. I half-way expect him to do something crazy at any time that will seal the death of our marriage. I don't like to do things half-way, though. And I know I'm not 100% in the marriage right now. I guess it's a defense mechanism because the emotional pain that I experienced from these other episodes was so intolerable and absolutely unbearable to the point of physical manifestations that I might just be protecting myself from that again. And he gives me no reassurance or reason to believe by his actions that this isn't going to happen again. Yet I'm not at the point where I can justify ending my marriage. So many people around me- friends and family- are getting divorced these days and they seem to be doing great! They're flourishing and free and happy and loving life. I have to ask myself what's going on?! I don't want other people to suffer like me- I wouldn't wish that on anyone- but I guess I don't know anything anymore. Having said all that, I'm not the completely innocent party in our relationship. I have made so many mistakes and been such a lacking wife in so many ways. One thing I can say for myself, though, is that I've held our commitment sacred and have never turned my back on it. I guess that's all I have to say right now. And by the way, he's taking lamictal and welbutrin. I may not have spelled those right. Thank y'all so much for your responses and words of encouragement.