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Messy house? Dirty self?

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Posted 7/17/2008 3:16 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry about the title...the first part isn't too bad, but couldn't think of a way to put the second part lol. Anyway...

On an old forum I used to visit we had a "messy house" thread and it was pretty active. People would get support so they didn't feel so guilty about their messy houses and others would post tips on how to keep your house clean when you're so depressed. The dirty self part refers to hygiene problems when you're really depressed.

I for one have the messiest houses ever. When I get really depressed I can't bring myself to do anything and feel bad that my boyfriend, who works full time and goes to school full time, has to pick up the slack. He's a messy guy as it is so you can imagine how the place looks...he does his best though. I was reading someone else's thread tonight and they mentioned being embarassed to have people over because their house was messy. Boy can I relate to that! We have a spare room, but honestly you can't even walk into it right now so I had to turn a friend away last month who was coming from out of town for a reunion. I felt horrible about it.

As for the hygiene...I don't know how many of you have this problem, but again when I'm really depressed I couldn't care less about my appearance. Another thing is that is kind of sad, is that if I were to shower every day and just sit around the house I'd feel stupid. Like I got all dressed up and clean just to sit in the house by myself? I'd be wasting soap/shampoo. I told this to a therapist once and she just thought it was horrible...that I felt like me showering would be a waste of soap/shampoo. Maybe it is sad, but it's how I feel. Some people might be grossed out by it, but when I'm that down I can't even stand the thought of doing anything...including showering.

Can anyone else relate or am I just a mental case who's a slob? lol.

Posted 7/17/2008 5:10 AM (GMT 0)
I can totally relate and I am absolutely the same way. When I had my really really bad time back in April I actually went 3 days without showering and I still had to go to work. Looking back I don't know how I did it. I had my breakdown on the 3rd day. I actually remember crying to my friend and telling her that I hadn't even showered for 3 days. Seriously though there were times that I couldn't even bring myself to even brush my teeth. It just took too much energy. As for the house though, I can only let it get so out of control before it actually gives me anxiety. If there is too much clutter it makes me really nervous.
Posted 7/17/2008 5:17 AM (GMT 0)
i can definitely relate to the hygeine issue. but i'm kind of a hippie so i mean...
Posted 7/17/2008 5:17 AM (GMT 0)
i've gone 6 days without showering. i usually skip two days between showers, on a regular basis. it's summer though so i shower every other day now. =)
Posted 7/17/2008 5:44 AM (GMT 0)

I can completely relate to you on this one. I can go days without showering...or even brushing my teeth, I've never felt so disgusting in my entire life! I used to be a person who showered at least once everyday and brushed my teeth twice a day...I used to be a lot of things. I've never been a super organized person but now my life is so chaotic that there literally isn't a single surface in my world that isn't covered with crap. I don't pay my bills on time, I don't take care of my dog the way I should and even on my up days I get so overwhelmed by everything that I've put off that I don't even know where or how to start cleaning up my life. It's a frustrating and vicious circle that I still don't know how to break...it is a little reassuring to know that I'm not the only gross one out there :-)   I'm sorry that I can't offer any words of wisdom as to how to fix this problem but I appreciate you bringing this out in the open!!

PS I haven't shaved my armpits in 4 or 5 days...how nasty is that?!!!

Posted 7/17/2008 7:05 AM (GMT 0)
Awww...I know how you feel Daisydoll. You sound just like me. I used to brush and floss my teeth after every friggen meal. Now maybe every other day or every two days. I feel so humilated by myself. It gets so bad I won't let my boyfriend kiss me unless it's on the cheek. I've never been super organized either, but it's just gotten so out of hand. You can't see the kitchen table...it's covered in paperwork. So we eat in the living room for all meals. Obviously we don't have friends over for dinner unless we cook out and eat at the picnic table. I know how you feel about your dog. I have a bunny and I feel so guilty sometimes because I am a horrible bunny mommy now. I've had him for over 4 years and I used to pay so much attention to him, made sure he had all his treats and stuff, let him out all the time to run. I just do the basics now. Feed him, give him water, etc. It feels like a hassle to do that, but I could never let the poor thing starve. At least I'm not that bad...yet. This may not sound like a big deal to some, but I kill all house plants. When I first moved into this neighborhood we had a housewarming party. Well my neighbors gave me a bamboo plant. That things been alive for almost 4 years...it's dying now. I was so proud of that thing because like I said I kill all plants...no green thumb whatsoever and now because I have so much on my mind I've been forgetting to water it. I think it might even be beyond saving. As pathetic as it sounds it kind of depresses me.

mommy2ethan...you should've seen our dishes! we would do some every now and then, but never finished them...this went on for MONTHS! I finally gave in and bought a dishwasher this past week. After 2 days of doing dishes off and on we're almost done. we were using paper plates and plastic silverware and washing pots out as we needed them. oh...I'm never out of my PJs unless I'm going somewhere.

b...if I say I'm a hippy could I get away with the no showering thing? I may be on to something! lol. Do hippies still wear tie-dye? I'm sure I could tie-dye some shirts lol.

I'm glad I'm not alone, but feel bad that we all have to deal with this. *hugs*
Posted 7/17/2008 10:36 AM (GMT 0)
Wow, I thought it was just me! I had no idea that all of this (the hygien and messiness) was the bipolar, I assumed it was the ADHD - (the unorganization and all). My bedroom is horrible and my family is embarrassed by it. I on the other hand could care less. Although . . . it would be nice to have it clean. It's so bad that I would have to hire someone to clean it, but on one hand I don't want anyone in it and the other hand the cleaning service would probably definitely turn down the job. We had problems with our cable and needed our boxes needed to be changed and the cable guy refused to go in!

My question is, will this ever end how long does this slump last? When will I get back on track? I want to change, but I just don't care either.
Posted 7/17/2008 12:00 PM (GMT 0)
yeah this is crazy. i don't feel so bad now. =)

hat,
my slobby streak has never diminished at all...
Posted 7/17/2008 1:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hat...I recently had trouble with my internet through the cable company so I feel your pain! I was really sick last month with a nasty cold and while again, this is gross, I filled the trash with tissues and instead of emptying the trash I just kept throwing the tissues over there. Let's just say I had quite a pile. The boyfriend had to pick it up before the cable guy got here. The room was still a disaster though, but he would've had to be in the pile of tissues to really work so I figured it would be best to have that picked up.

I don't want to sound like there's no hope, but I've been like this for years...it just varies in severity at different times.
Posted 7/17/2008 1:41 PM (GMT 0)
Daisydoll and Hat,

Let me take a moment to welcome you to HealingWell and to the bipolar forum. I hope you find the support and community you're looking for here. It would be awesome if you would take a moment to start a new thread and introduce yourselves to us briefly (or in detail if you like :-) ). It's always great to meet new people.

Glad you're here.

serafena
Posted 7/18/2008 3:29 AM (GMT 0)
Oh boy, my 3 year old just told me I had a beard on my knee....lol
Posted 7/18/2008 3:46 AM (GMT 0)
lol! my boyfriend is so understanding. he doesn't complain about the hairy legs, he says he can hardly tell...I think he's lying to make me feel better. I can't imagine what he really thinks. I'm so glad he loves me. I mean he's someone that showers once, maybe twice a day and here I am lucky to shower twice a week. It must have been quite a shock when he first moved here. I'm embarassed, but don't know what to do.
Posted 7/18/2008 4:06 AM (GMT 0)
I'm lucky enough (yeah right) to have OCD in with my mix of craziness. The house has been a little less organized lately. I still am compulsive about bathing/shaving (have a hair phobia) and utterly anal about clutter.

I hate it.

I wish I could look around and not get irritated when things are out of place. I think actually it's far healthier to be laid back about it all, and I do NOT think you are a slob. I think you have a better view of things than I do.

:)
Posted 7/20/2008 12:24 AM (GMT 0)

 Hi All   My house is messy and disorganized.  in my deepest depression it gets quite dirty also.  I never have a up where I want to clean.  I like to go shopping.  I call Wal Marts clothes disposable because they r so cheap.  I have a laundry that will pick my clothes in garbage bags up at the front door and return them clean and folded and I still have trouble calling them and getting the clothes ready for them. As for the higene I have always struggled with it terriblly.  When I am up "which the meds reduced significantly"  I will jump in the shower and shave===but most of the time I am somewhere on the downside and I hate it.I am so disorganized i write things down and have 3x5 cards every where.  ADD/ BIpolar who knows I just know it is a mess,my desk, my front room has all the clean clothes from the laundry==they never make the bedroom.  I live alone, in a small mobile home and there are places for everything, they just never end up there.  I feel much better reading these posts  Tom  tcmoon

Posted 7/20/2008 1:05 AM (GMT 0)
Hi tcmoon!

Welcome to HealingWell and to the forum. It's nice to have you. When you have a moment, start a new topic and introduce yourself to us. We'd love to hear a little bit about who you are.

serafena
Posted 8/7/2008 2:35 PM (GMT 0)
I am so happy to read this blog that I could cry. I had never heard of anyone like me in this regard. I am new to this blog and I was specifically looking for people with messy houses. I cannot say much for my hygene either.  My house is so bad that I have refused to allow people in for years. I am Bipolar II, although I have been misdiagnosed with Major Depression for years. The antidepressants made me less depressed but I was never motived to do much more than go to work. I never cook because my kitchen is to messy. I eat out for EVERY meal. I have two dogs and I just give them an area of the house to use the bathroom in because I can't walk them as much as I need to. Although I love them very much I have considered giving them away because they deserve a better life. Even when I am not depressed, I am completely overwhelmed by the mess and I still can't do anything about it. I have recently started taking Lamictal. I seem to be more motivated to do things. I have started working with my dogs and walking them often. I want to clean my house and that is a big step for me because, though embarressed, I never even wanted to do anything about it. Hopefully I will be able to get started soon. I am also getting more things done on the job. I have a TON of work ahead of me, but I feel the proper diagnoses and the right medication has gotten me started. I would love to hear any other suggestions to get me going and staying in the right direction.

Posted 8/7/2008 3:04 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Sayonda,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the board. It sounds like you're in a particularly sticky position. It sounds like your house needs more help than you can manage alone, though. Letting your dogs use the house as a place to do their business is more than just being messy, it's dangerous. You need to hire in a house cleaning business to help clean up your house for you, and perhaps your dogs could be fostered out just for a while while your medicine gets stabilized. Many of us can relate to how the depression can take over the will to maintain hygiene or home, but your health is desperately at stake and I'd hate to see you lose your dogs over it.

Best wishes,
serafena
Posted 8/11/2008 11:38 PM (GMT 0)
I've had trouble keeping up with my house work.. my dishes go for days into weeks before I do them. I have gone up to 3 days without showering, it's just so hard to get the energy. I used to be a clean freak..and now - I wouldn't let a soul in my home. I have had such a hard time doing the littlest things - I have really slipped in the last year especially..  I am hoping that switching to Lamactil will give me a bit more focus, I get so overwhelmed I don't know where to start.  Thanks for this thread!
Posted 8/12/2008 1:22 AM (GMT 0)
glad to see this thread is helping some people feel not so alone. the house here is still a mess...I haven't washed my hair in I don't even know how long, but I did shower. just didn't have the energy to wash and dry my hair. if I don't dry it I have severe tangles and that's definitely not fun! even with the new dishwasher dishes are piling up. *sigh*
Posted 8/12/2008 8:11 AM (GMT 0)
I can absolutely relate! I will go days without showering and sometimes I have to just get up and wash my hair at least. You are right it does just take too much energy. My house is also a mess but I have 7 kids and some of them will help out and clean up for me. I hate it that they have to do that but I am just unable to do it sometimes. I used to be one of those moms who knew where everything in the house was. Now I can't find anything. So I definitely hear ya on all counts.
Posted 1/28/2013 4:53 PM (GMT 0)
I thought that my psychiatrist was just trying to make me feel better when she told me the messy is normal for bipolar. I finally looked it up and found this site! Too bad I don't have a husband that understands me or would even read anything on this site. He just screams at me and says its "just an excuse".
Posted 1/28/2013 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Pywacket,

When I'm depressed or unstable, the house is a mess. It doesn't even register on my list of priorities. It is the most challenging part of bipolar disorder for my fiance.

When I'm hypomanic, the house is spotless. Everything shines from getting scrubbed all night when I don't sleep.

Unfortunately, it never balanced out and was messy more often than not.

Using http://www.flylady.net helps a lot of people that struggle with organization, cleaning, motivations, hygiene, and depression. It helps you set up a manageable routine - piece by piece in baby steps. It is incredibly encouraging, and it is free.

I am concerned for your health in your relationship. Clearly your househeeping is putting an enournous strain on your relationship, but no amount of frustration makes yelling at each other acceptable. It's not just destroying your relationship, but it is also destroying your effort towards stability and mental health. You BOTH need to make efforts to comprimise. Since you can't make another person change, you can only change yourself.
Posted 1/30/2013 10:12 AM (GMT 0)
I had no idea I was not alone in keeping a clean house and having hygiene issues. No one seems to understand that getting out of bed to do even the smallest of things can be just about impossible. I am so weak and exhausted all the time. Most of the time, I'm rarely out of bed and stay in my pajamas for days. It's all too overwhelming. It brings on so much anxiety. Not getting things done. Not being able to take care of myself. I wasn't always like this. I don't want this but I can't help it. I've tried many types of medications and therapies but nothing seems to help. I'm feeling discouraged and hopeless wondering if I'll ever get my life back. I don't know what to do. I can't give out great advice but I'm definately experienced when it comes to these issues. I would love to be able to help out in some way. I feel for everyone out there suffering from this disease. I'm here. Even if you just need to vent.
Posted 2/3/2013 12:11 AM (GMT 0)
Ummmm, is this a bipolar issue. Because I am EXACTLY the same way but haven't been diagnosed ???
Posted 2/3/2013 3:59 AM (GMT 0)
I have no idea if this is just a bipolar issue. I assume that lack of hygiene or a dirty house may effect many people with various illnesses. I only take baths because I get too tired from standing in the shower too long. I feel gross when I don't barhe for awhile but I still cannot get up from bed and deal with the whole bathing issue. I am going for it tonight. I'm so tired but I have to leave the house tomorrow...
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