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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 8/26/2008 12:25 AM (GMT 0)
Hello, I think I am suffering from bipolar disorder. I would like to be put helped, but my family thinks nothing is wrong with me. They are Christians and are only taking me to 'family' care. I cannot get better. I have had problems my entire life, at 20 years old I feel I am a danger to other people in more ways than one: emotionally, physically, mentally. I am only hurting the people around me, and I need help. How do I get into a hospital? Where should I go? I am from the South, around Oklahoma. These things are not usual for someone with my lifestyle. I was raised at a private Christian school, I have always tried to be a good person and my only problem is the questions of why I always ask myself. I was in college at a good university, but dropped out because I had no interest whatsoever. I was working at the perfect job for a college student, part time so I wasn't overworking and I was about to be promoted to a higher salary and quit. I have been with my boyfriend of five years, he loves me and is trying to help me and I am severely depressed because I have no explanations for myself why I am not happy. No one will help me. Where do I go. I am only 20 years old and in no position to help myself, no job and no solution seems to be coming. I am only miserable, and am being kept at my grandparents house. They love me and think they are doing what is best for me, but I feel I need medical help. I am done trying. I have given up. I have had thoughts I am scared to admit, the possibilities for why I am the way I am.

Any advice please, just details and facts. No sympathy or personal stories. I would just like a solution please, a place to go. I have no job and no intent to have my family shell out more money for me. How can I get help?
Posted 8/26/2008 1:57 AM (GMT 0)
hello adorie,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the Bipolar Forum. It is great to have you onboard.

From what you posted you said that you have been severely depressed. What makes you think you have bipolar disorder and what type of symptoms are you having? Bipolar Disorder has a depressed side and a (hypo)manic side. Also, bipolar is usually diagnosed by a pdoc or a trained professional and not always easy to identify.

Here is a link to an article that describes what Bipolar Disorder is: www.healingwell.com/library/depression/sullivan5.asp

Trust me you are not alone in your family experience, I too do not have support from my family. It took me some time to accept it, but I am okay with it now. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in that experience.

Please do not hesitate to ask any questions you have abou the disorder.

Olivia
Posted 8/26/2008 2:43 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Adorie,

You can always take yourself to the local mental health hospital and admit yourself. You said you are having thoughts you are afraid to admit. If you are having suicidal ideation, the hospital will admit you. As to the cost, I don't know what your insurance is like, but it will cost you or your family. HOWEVER, you need to get healthier, soon. You can't live with this level of depression. It's not fair to ask you too. You can find a way to deal with the expense.

Another option is to call a crisis line to help talk you through particularly hard times. 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433) will route your call to the nearest crisis center, and they will help you find the crisis line to talk you through feeling especially sad.

Welcome to HealingWell. I hope you find the support you're looking for here.

serafena
Posted 8/26/2008 2:54 AM (GMT 0)
I suffer from severe depression, severe anxiety (I have a few anxiety attacks weekly now that my depression is at its peak), thoughts of suicide, self-confidence issues, I have had severe mental stresses due to scary thoughts I've had about why I am the way I am and what kind of person I am. I have a loss of appetite, or I have uncontrollable overeating, I have no ability to frame time, I have a hard time remembering names or dates, I only find solace in having a task to accomplish that isn't related to me in any way (i.e. cleaning, building something, exercise), I isolate myself because my lack of self-control has made me uncomfortable even around my closest family members. I'm currently staying with my Grandparents who have loved me and cared for me throughout my life and I have trust issues with them too now. I've had paranoid delusions about religion, politics, the society today, the government watching me, everyone against me. At other times I am a happy carefree person. I have a hyper-sensitive side for natural beauty (peacefulness, nature, animals) and also a slovenly side that cannot associate with the modern culture. I feel like I've been left in a time warp where I'm living in the past and my mind is too infantile to grasp today's reality. I've been given a good education and was active in college, had a good-paying fun job, had friends and family members around me always trying to get me to 'participate' in life. All this I've shied away from, I've severed every string in my life. Every relationship I've either altered in a bad way or broken altogether. Every hobby I have only holds my attention for as long as my moods last. I read into messages on the TV, the radio, even my music collection as if they're talking either about me or to me. Then I go through stages where I know I'm completely normal and this is all just a 'dream' if you will. But when I am in my 'anxious' state as I call it, because I have no other explanation for it, there is no way to control it. I've been brought to a secluded place to rest and regain my strength, and now I can't even go into town because I think everyone is watching me. I try to engage myself in constructive ways, by gardening or cleaning or reading a classic book. All these things make me feel good, but then it feels as if I've made no progress every time I hit another "trigger." My only relationship I have that I am comfortable with is my boyfriend who is with me, and even that I'm choosing to let go of because I feel like I'm doing more hurt than good.
I guess I should talk about my symptoms as a kid also.. I was never a depressed kid, but since gradeschool I've always had attention problems, always "acting up." This sparked a new train of depression as I got into my highschool years because of insecurity issues. Now that I'm about to turn 21, with a good education, firm grandparents that are more than willing to put me through school and get me back on my feet, and many many other "good things" going for me, I feel like I am at a loss with problems I should not be facing. I have no motivation for any kind of schedule or job, any new friend or relationship. The only person I've trusted is a counselor I've seen twice, and already I am telling myself reasons why he doesn't "get it."
I have told my grandmother that I'd like to be put into a hospital. I am trying to get answers for places to go for special needs. I'm not a bad person, I don't want to be "put away."
If you have any information for hospitals that are experienced in the needs of depression, possible mental illnesses, and the insecurity of a female. I feel scared to seek help because I am afraid of the options. I have never had a good view of hospitals or doctors, but I am willing to work with people who are qualified to help someone like me, whatever that problem may be.
Posted 8/26/2008 2:42 PM (GMT 0)
I understand what you are saying...If it's any help, I understand the bizarre thoughts. I have them most of the day all day. Everything just racing and you're just sitting there and not breathing and just scared to death of your own mind and why these things go through it and then just total panic that you will act on it almost to the point that you are afraid to let someone talk to you or touch you cuzz you are so distracted like out of reality. I know how it feels, I am trying to get treated so Im not the example for good treatment but I do know you should go and get help regardless of what other people say. My parents (we are from Oklahoma too) are christian and just figured that the whole disease was due to lack of a good spiritual relationship but over the last 5 years or so I think they have been made quite aware that you can't function as a person let alone be like them unless you get under control... So, the point is that you are going to have to do it since nobody believes you or believes you need help. Pretty sure they're not the ones with the suicidal thoughts or living through the hell you are so I wouldn't listen to them Id get help before you go off the deep end and its too late???? Good luck and keep us posted.
Posted 8/26/2008 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
Adorie,

I am no doctor, but it sounds like you are having a mixed episode with both depression and elements of mania -- particularly paranoid thoughts. I am really concerned for you, especially regarding the suicidal thoughts and the way you're breaking off all of your personal contacts. You are in a particularly bad place right now and you absolutely do need to get help. This isn't going to go away on its own.

I can't tell you where the mental hospital is near you, you need to find that out on your own. It will be in the phone book or on the web. You won't be "put away". They don't really do that any more except for the most severe cases of people who really cannot take care of themselves. You are not that bad. I can't tell you how long to expect because it varies person to person. I was in for 5 days. I know people on this board who have been in for a month. It depends on how long it takes to get you stable again. Going to the hospital seems like a very frightening proposition, I know, but there are much scarier things -- like living indefinitely the way you are. The hospital is very simple: it's seeing doctors, getting your medications tried out and adjusted until you find a combination that works, and going to therapy. Other than that it's very quiet and even a little peaceful. The people around you will be various degrees of competent, and that can be scary, but you will be okay.

I hope this is helpful,

serafena
Posted 8/27/2008 3:24 AM (GMT 0)
Great suggestions have been made already - I'd echo calling a crisis line - the ones I'm familiar with are open 24 hours, free and confidential - and they'll know what's available regionally.

The counselor you mentioned should know somewhere.

Bottom line - if you fear for your safety or anyone else's, as you mentioned, go to the nearest emergency room and they can help find inpatient treatment for you if that's what you're needing.

Regarding being "put away," Serafena is correct.  Few people are hospitalized for months or years at a time.  There aren't that many places any more that provide long term treatment.  Stabilization is the goal of inpatient treatment, and then you'll be referred for ongoing outpatient therapy - which is where you do the real work.  Once stabilized, you're more able to do the work outpt. therapy, and it feels good to make progress again.

I'm glad you found us here.  Reading what others write and being able to write my own stuff has been helpful to me.

h

 

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