Melt down today

I haven't been on the board for awhile and I thought things were going good for me.  I recently made the decision that I wanted my husband to take the reins as "head of the family" as it should be (he tends to be a very passive person).  I want him to be in charge of big decisions, financial planning etc.; the problem here is for me letting go of the reins.  It is in both of our best interests that he takes this active role in our marriage and he wants this role as well.  I have done it for sooooo many years and I take care of all the little details of things; well today I just snapped.  We've been talking openly about the budget, me showing him the bills, trying to give him the details of when, how, and where things are to paid (because frankly he's clueless) and so forth.  This morning I asked about what money I could put in my checking account (now separate from the main account) and he kind of snickered at me (he really didn't mean anything by it) and that set the "tone" for my entire day.  He isn't doing things like I did, isn't paying attention to the little details, and today whenever he wasn't here during my lunch hour (didn't manage his time accordingly and our time together is limited as we work opposite shifts) I had a melt down--uncontrollable crying, door slamming the works.  I know he's trying and I was trying up until this morning and the snicker just didn't set right and then him not here at lunch.  This is a busy, busy time of year for me, extra is expected of me at my job and this "change of power" at home is huge; I feel so fragile right now, I feel like a melt down is around every corner, in every comment, look, expression, tone of voice--does anyone have any words of wisdom????  I don't want to undermine my husband's efforts and I want to be supportive--but I need some support too.

What about treating your family finances like a business and hire someone to take care of bill paying, budgets etc?  That way you can instruct the person on how you want things done exactly. and if they don't, fire them.  can't fire your husband!  have them draw up a payment schedule, arrange for automatic debits and transfer of funds to cover these debits.  That way you maintain control but you get the help you need.  I found someone who only charged me $12/ hour.  only a few hours a week.  And she became a great friend for years.  the first few weeks, I couldn't believe what a relief it was to have someone else just open the mail and write the cheques for me to sign.  he or she can print a calendar of payments.  you get a copy, hubby gets a copy.  the person doesn't have access to your money at all.  any personal money goes to each of you and this person doesn't have access to that either so you still have your privacy about personal purchases. 

if book-keeping is something he is not good at, it is sort of like asking someone with two left feet to learn the tango.  it will make him feel inadequate and uncomfortable, thus the snicker....

 

imagine removing all of those money conversations from your interactions with your hubby.  remove this stress from both of your lives.  it would be a great christmas present to each other.  that time you used to spend explaining and sorting can be spent instead doing something you both like to do.