I'm a newbie with a Bi-polar spouse....

Hello,

my wife suffers from depression and bipolar.
Ive been with her going on 5 years, and, it seems to be getting worse.


I've read about a bazillion pages here and elsewhere and I just don't know what to do.
She takes her meds regularly, in fact, the Psyc.Doc just upped her wellbutrin to 200 a day, plus she's on straterra and a couple of others.

Heres some background. She was sexually abused as a child, multiple suicide attempts (long before I met her, she's well into middle age.)

Used to abuse alcohol, (still does on occasion) and takes vicodin (10-20 every day) supplied by a relative.
Unable to keep a job for more than a year (gets bored) and has some disturbing behavior patterns.

The fly in the ointment is she seems to go off the deep end, cycling moods from euphoria and not sleeping for days, to deep depression where getting awake is a chore. This was happening yearly, now its on a 3 month merry go round.

She refuses talk therapy, and excuses her behaviors to "I'm bi-polar" with a shrug of the shoulders.

We speak calmly of her disorder, but when I press for real action, she spends days away from our home, withdraws even further, accuses me of pressuring her, and again, within days, she's home, all is well, buried under the carpet again.
I know I'm enabling her to do this, but I don't want to leave her either.
The amount of emotional stress, financial matters and hopeless/helpless I feel is taking a grave toll.
Short of a "Come to Jesus" meeting, what pray tell do I do?

tks

Hi cpspouse,

Welcome to HealingWell and to our forum. I hope we can offer you some advice and encouragement here. It sounds like your wife is pretty set in her ways. If she's tried therapy and doesn't like it, then there's little you can do to convince her otherwise. She's seeing a psych, she's taking meds, she's aware of her disorder. Doesn't sound like she owns up to her behavior very well, but you say she's into middle age -- there's a certain amount of settling into one's ways that's bound to happen. She's probably been living with this disorder for a while. And the unfortunate truth of bipolar disorder is that it gets worse with time, not better. So the key to treatment is to let the psych know as symptoms worsen and keep the medicine on track to keep up with them.

What I would suggest, and I have suggested this to many, many other spouses as well, is that YOU get some talk therapy. It is very difficult to live with someone with bipolar disorder. It's stressful, confusing, frustrating at best. If you had someone to talk to who could help you learn how to deal with the ins and outs of daily life with someone who needs extra help, you may find yourself better able to cope and significantly less frustrated. I've sent my own husband off to therapy. Honestly. Dealing with bipolar is not an easy prospect. Get yourself some support.

All my best,
serafena