My bipolar wife

I just stumbled across this site while trying to learn about bipolar. My wife was diagnosed about a year ago. looking back she has always had symptoms. To me the real onset though was after our second child was born. I don't know if going through pregnacy/child birth is a coninsidece. I have pretty much isolated myself from everything minus my work and immediate family. If anyone rubs my wife the wrong way her answer is to erase them from her life. If i continue any type of communication with that person i am taking there side. That has been a constant stuggle to keep contact with my family, though they have not been totally supportive i don't want to cut them out of my life. Back to the begining. We've  been married almost 2 years now and she has been seing a dr for about a year. I am in the military and over the last year i was deployed about 6 months. So while i was gone she was alone with our two young chilidren. She pushes everyone away, because they do something that annoys her or they don't even have to do anything to her, but if she doesn't agree with it, then its all the same. Her being alone with no support didn't help much. When i was around I couldn't have a social life, she wanted no part in leaving the house unless it was vital, dr grocerys ect. When i did i was betraying her, leaving the kids with her even though i leave them when im at work. So ive cut out my social life. I can never do anything right for her. She tells me i don't understand, frankly i don't. I'll listen to her, completly, and when shes done talking she yells at me for not caring. If im not home from work when she thinks i should be im cheating on her. I told her i was having trouble sleeping and she told me i probably have a guilty concious from thinking about having an affair or wanting to leave her. She is very verbally abusive and it has really worn on me. I.e. the other day she was getting dressed and i told her that she looked good with what she had on, she told me i have no style why in hell would she care what i thought. She takes a lot out on our second child too. I think she subconciously blames him for her problems. She is one an antipsycotic and another one that slips my mind. They have cause her to gain about 30 lbs in the last 4 months, as you know makes it worse. She isn't really up and down much as just angry all the time, some nights she'll be nice and sweet, just like somebody fliped the switch. This is just a brief overview of the situation. She claims that she can't help any of it. To me it seems like a crutch. I know that there will be things she can't help, but i know that there are things she can. I really just need to vent as ive said before i don't really have anyone else to talk to about it, Im really reaching the end of my understanding though, It is so hard not to take the ugly things she says personal. It has wore me ragged. I have gave up many oppurtunities in my career, interaction with the outside world, and many close relationships that i had. I don't know how much i can take or am willing to put myself through. Please feel free to comment back, i would love to talk to anyone about this.

Welcome aboard;

It sounds like you and I have a lot of parallells in our situation. Although she has never forced the issue with my family, she never has anythig good to say about them & anytime we are due to go to see them the few days before are always tense. But with the friends, I fully understand. The limited social contact I had was at work and of course they were all jerks & I was acting just like them & if I worked with a female, no matter what she looked like, it was just a matter of time before I started having an affair with them.

As far as going to the doctor with her,unfortunatly that is her choice, I think it would be a big help if you went with her, it has with me. Before when she got home I would always hear about how they said this and that about what I should & shouldn't be doing I would later find out that a lot of this wasn't true), but I also knew she wasn't telling the therapist everything that was going on with her either. Try to spin it a little like "I want to go so they can help me find better ways to support you" or something like that. I don't fully know your situation, but I bet that if it was her idea for you to go then it would be ok with her. I have learned that unfortunatly you have to do things like this to get the results you are looking for. I know that sounds awful, but the overall goal is to help them  & to try to make a peaceful existance for the whole family. I have found that having a spouce with this is a lot like having another child sometimes & sometimes that is the way you have to deal with things.

Hopfully she will come around and let you start going with her, but it may take a while before she does, until then just try to stay calm & let the things she says roll off of you ( I know how hard that can be, especially when it has been all day) and come here often & just look around at other peoples posts & replies.

best wishes

I feel for you sooooooo much, please just do what you can...but please you need to get supposrt for yourself and stay healthy, She still need you in so many ways.  She can get in control of this disease....Dont give her a choice when it comes to the doc visits. Just tell her you are coming and that is all there is to it.  Take care sweet. gillxx