Baby Steps

I am really hoping that NOW we are on the road to recovery!

My husband and I went to see a new psychiatrist today. This is the first time in 5 years (barring the hospital stay last week) that he has sought the help of a psychiatrist for his disorder. He has only seen GPs on and off to treat the depressed phases of his bipolar. Those treatment plans either didn't last or didn't work.

We spent 2 hours on the couch exploring all his symptoms........I was so glad to be in there with him to understand how he perceives his symptoms. I was never in tune with his manic side before November, so it was enlightening to hear how it makes him feel. He actually feels "normal" when he is manic (which is most of the time apparently). Only when he is at the extreme end of one of the poles does he recognize something is wrong. And even still, when his manic is extreme, he feels like things are out of whack, but it is "us and not him" who has the problem.

Long story short, this new p-doc took him off Effexor (he is weaning off in 3 days). This was music to my ears!!!!! He is keeping him on Depakote and introducing Lithium after some blood work is done. He also prescribed a sleep aid (Ambien). Hopefully this will reset his clock and get him sleeping nights and productive during the day.

I felt so much compassion for my husband sitting on the p-doc couch. I actually held his hand and stroked his arm. I never thought I would feel compelled to touch him affectionately again. We did not get into the infidelity issues at this session, which was better because it kept the angry, bitter wife inside me at bay. I hope he will start coming to my therapy sessions every so often so we can work on that. My goal today was to get him STRABILIZED. We have the rest of our lives to try and sort out all the garbage that has occurred.

The kids have stayed with my sister in law tonight, so it is just the 2 of us at home. I am still not ready to join him in the bedroom, but at least he knows I am here with him. That will keep him from feeling abandoned and lonely.

I pray that this is a turning point for us! I know that only time will tell. I will still be on guard for some time -- waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I am back to being hopeful now. I am a bit anxious -- but almost in a good way -- about how this new medicine combination will work. I feel like a kid eying a wrapped present just waiting for the day I am allowed to open it to see what is inside.

Okay, no more rambling.......I am glad that I waited until now to update what was going on, because the last week has been a nightmare! I am glad I am able to type something positive for a change!!!

Love y'all!
Peace!
(((HUGS)))

Thank you Bill! Your words are very encouraging. I hope my husband will one day feel as you do. If he does stick with the help he has sought, he, too will earn my forgiveness every day. And I will be here to help him do just that. The diagnosis won't necessarily keep the "angry wife" away, but his commitment to getting better certainly will. I am working on that through my therapist, but I still have a long way to go.

Hope is what is keeping our marriage afloat right now! So , once again, thank you for your post....it has just buoyed us up a bit higher in the water!

That really is a step in a more positive direction isn't it!? That's so great. I was just going to say - don't hold your breath for too long. Enjoy your time with him while you can and if/when another episode happens, deal with it then. I have all this stuff I'm going to say to my husband when that other shoe drops, (the angry bitter wife syndrome trying to detach with love) but when it's good, I just let it be good. Those times are so few and far between that when he wants to curl up with me on the couch, dam-mit if i'm not going to curl up with him on the couch!!!
Doesn't mean you have to be intimate with him but maybe let your guard down..... just a tiny bit and enjoy this time.

((HUGS))