How does one decide enough is enough? For 17 months, I have lived with a BP wife who has done so much to cause so much destruction in the home, when is enough, enough? She lost her 3 children to her ex, because of her BP. I was forced to go through a child abuse investigation because her ex used it to keep from sending the children back after I sent them to him because of her medical condition. The investigation was closed 6 months later for lack of evidence to substantiate the claims, after they put me through hell. I lost visitation with my own children because my exwife used my BPwife condition to keep my kids from seeing me. (exwife sought any excuse to keep the kids from me) We lost our house, car, lost my job, and no matter how hard I work to start over, her behaviors destroy what I rebuild, and we have to start from scratch again. In one of her rages, she accused me of hitting her, and so DCF requires me to go to batterers intervention. I never touched her. She has been baker acted 3 times in the past year, twice for trying to commit suicide, and once for digging her nails so deep into my arm she caused me to bleed badly, leaving finger nail scars for weeks. Now I have to go and sit through batterers intervention meetings each week, and come home and watch her rage out of control. For example, this morning, we wake up, she starts freaking out about her day, and rips into me because I decided to go in the kitchen to make myself some toast. She demands it is her job, and she will get to it when she does. I told her I was hungry, and that all I was doing was making toast. She flew into a rage, and started, yet again, spiraling into irrational behaviors. I decided to go into the bathroom to take a bath, to calm down. My chest was pounding profusely. I don't do well with screaming and yelling. She came into the bathroom, demanded I talk to her, even though she was being irrational in her demands. I told her I was taking a bath, and that I would talk to her when I got out. She continued her barrage of yelling, demanding I talk to her. She tried every tactic to bait me into talking to her, but I remained calm. Every once and a while I restated I wanted her to leave the bathroom, let me take a bath, and that I would talk to her afterwards. Failing every attempt, including getting louder and louder, she came over to the tub, put her hand on my head, and started shaking my head from side to side. Finding this to be a waste of time as well, she went back to screaming and yelling at me, until she finally went out of the bathroom. This went on for about an hour, until she realized the futility of her actions.
As a result, I had to cancel my job for the morning, since this scenario caused me not to get to work on time. I am self employed, doing different jobs each day. The emotional trauma I endure due to her behaviors is very difficult for me to cope with. I tell her I can not talk to her when she is behaving this way because I don't know how. All the counseling, the doctors, nobody knows what to tell me on how to deal with her when she gets like this. She even tells them that once she is out of control, nobody can stop her. How do I get out??? We have a 17 month old baby, she has no transportation, no job. 6 months ago I tried taking the baby and getting out, but she went to my vindictive exwife and they both filed a child abduction charge against me. It turned out to be bogus because I took the baby under police protection. (I had called the police because she was out of control, but they wouldn't baker act her) So, the police helped me while at the house when I took the baby. (a tiny detail neither my wife nor my exwife told the police when they filed the report) I even notified her doctor, who suggested it was probably a good idea to take the baby away from her, maybe that would cause her to take her meds. This is the type of irrationality I am living with. How do I get out and protect the baby? She knows how to calm herself and lie when needed. I've seen her do it. She would be raging out of control, but, the moment the police show up, she is as calm as can be, and emphatically lie to them that I don't know what I am talking about. What a nightmare.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? I cannot function under these conditions, but, if I take the baby and go, who knows what else they can do to me. I can't put her out, it is illegal to lock her out of the house. The batterers intervention counselor suggests I file a domestic violence injunction against her, putting her out of the house, but I don't trust the court system, they seem to make matters worse. What can I do, short of just leaving and not looking back? Please help...