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Bipolar Forum focus question

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Posted 11/16/2009 3:56 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all for your input about whether or not this forum should encourage the participation of significant others. I really, really appreciate the responses. This is a tough question.

I received a number of emails in addition to the replies responding to my post. What I have heard from the majority of the bipolar users of this board is that they wish there were some kind of separate board so the significant others wouldn't be left out in the cold, but that they would like to see this forum reserved for those suffering from bipolar disorder. The negativity of many of the SO's posts is damaging and causes feelings of guilt, shame and aggravates depression. I have had these same reactions, despite myself, despite wanting to be helpful no matter what. As one user put it to me, no one on the prostate cancer board has to deal with SO's complaining about how difficult it is to be in a relationship with someone who has prostate cancer. The other mental health boards here at HealingWell don't generally have this problem either. There's no reason that we should feel ashamed about our illness. That's unacceptable to me, and counter-active to what we're trying to do here.

I know that the SO's need a place to discuss their unique positions, support one another and learn more about bipolar disorder. Unfortunately, creating another board isn't an option for us. I haven't heard back from the admin about this issue, he's been ill himself, but I know that he rarely creates new groups. It's not as easy nor user-directed here as it is on other boards. If he tells me otherwise, I will certainly let you know.

So... going forward we will be focused primarily on supporting those suffering from bipolar disorder. I believe we should all still be kind and helpful to the significant others, many of them are hurting too. But I will direct them to other places on the net which may be more appropriate for their needs. A list of useful sites and books for spouses and partners can already be found in the Bipolar Disorder Resources sticky thread.

I hope this is satisfactory. If anyone has any questions, please feel free to email me.

Thanks,
serafena
Posted 11/16/2009 5:51 PM (GMT 0)
I have thought quite a bit on this subject.

This seems fair.

I read a thread here that was very touching to me. The one about handling finances. It showed loving couples working together to solve a problem. What was particularly touching is that they worked when the BP sufferer was not either manic or depressed, but when that person could make good judgements, solve problems and create a platform for avoiding or solving problems when the condition limits our judgement.

That is when I remembered ...

There are two groups of people in a Bi-Polar person's life: one group is composed of those who are part of our support network, the other group consists of those who are ignorant, fearful and even hateful towards those of us have the bi-polar condition.

Long ago a counselor advised me to reject those in the second group. She told me I had enough problems without having to deal with the problems those others create for us. I did that. And my life has been better ever since.

People who are bi-polar have a lot to offer the world. We so may who have made our world a safer, better, more fulfilling place simply because of what they have contributed to our lives. And from them, from each other, from ourselves and the people who support us we can learn just how much we can offer others.

Thank you, Serefina.

Post Edited (O Buddy Boy) : 11/16/2009 3:19:10 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 11/16/2009 8:38 PM (GMT 0)
You are quite right, O Buddy Boy. Support is always welcome here. We can use all we can get. I just hope to minimize the posts from significant others who are in crisis. I believe they need a very different kind of support than we can offer here, and that can be damaging to those of us struggling with the disorder.
Posted 11/19/2009 5:55 PM (GMT 0)
Hi there. Well life has been hectic with school semester closing in. So I have not been on this board for about a month.

Besides the busy days, one of the reasons the board became less important to me, is that it seemed to have taken a turn. I felt most of my posts became support for SO's and also having to explain myself and actions of other bipolars, to them.

Almost like before I logged in I had to prepare myself for having to hear again what I had to hear from my own family 2 years ago. And how hard it is to live with a bipolar person. I just think the board was turning into less of a support group for sufferers of BP, and more of a support group about how to understand a BP person and live with one. It gets tiring constantly having to explain yourself and stick up for yourself. Especially in a place that was meant to support me.

And you are right...there are many other websites, message boards that are for people who care about a BP sufferer. Their needs are different, and should be addressed in a way most beneficial to them.
Posted 11/19/2009 7:31 PM (GMT 0)
Glad to see you, michele. Thank you for the feedback. I hope your semester ends well. Mine's making me a little nuts, but I'm hanging in there.

serafena
Posted 11/20/2009 2:41 PM (GMT 0)

Welcome back Mommy.michele!!!

Thanks for taking the time to poll the question serafena.  That was very nice of you!  ((Hugs)) blush

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