rough day

Been pouring over the net today looking up all kinds of topics from bipolar to borderline personalities, everything that vaguely pertains to me. I do this whenever I'm having one of these days where I'm motivated, feeling down about being so messed up, and on the brink of tears.

I don;t know why, but researching and trying to come up with answers always seems to make me feel like I'm doing something. Of course, I'm not a doctor, so it doesn;t really do any good and I usually forget to write down my questions and theoretical diagnosis to talk to my pdoc about.

Today have been having the worst heartburn, on the verge of tears, obsessed with my anxiety and agoraphobia, dreading having to go out for bloodwork tomorrow morning, and then after allready feeling so bad my husband and his girlfriend started fighting over something totally stupid. (we have an open marriage).

I just want to get up and get out for the night so they can work out their issues, but I have nowhere to go tonight, and the thought of just getting in the car and driving is not sitting well with me today at all! Here come the tears again. I'm just not used to this, it's been so long since I've had a day like this it scares me.

Hey Kiraz,

I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time.

I can relate to researching and reading about this illness etc. It always makes me feel better somehow....I think because whoever wrote what I am reading "gets it".

Anyway, try to do some relaxing things for yourself; do some breathing if you can, and try to imagine this state lifting soon...try to think positive.

Keep us posted.

Mogs