Confused - used to be more up than down, but not any more? :C

So I've been bipolar since I was very young, I know that for sure. And I've ALWAYS been so much more up than down - then about 3 years ago my mania got very severe and for a few years I was totally out of control, with only a few short depressive episodes in that time. Following that I crashed into the worst depression I've ever had. Since then its all been sort of reversed - my depression is totally out of control and I have very short hypomanic episodes. Whats happened? :C  Is it just a part of the cycle, will I ever go back to how I was? I know its bad, but I miss how I was. I know I did completely awful, hurtful, dangerous things when I was manic but its still so much better than this! I used to feel so alive. Now I spend 90% of my time crying - then I have a teeny tiny hypomanic episode and I FINALLY feel happy - then its gone as soon as it came,  and theres nothing I can do. :C I feel...trapped.

Has this ever happened to any of you?

Ah I'm not on meds..yet. Things are very confusing right now. :S I had a lot of problems with my last psych because she just would not listen to a word I said (sure she hated me :@), and I've only just changed to a new one. AND it seems that on the NHS, trying to get meds out of a psych when your under 18 is next to impossible. They're intent on trying to help me with therapy, and it doesn't do a bloody thing! D:

Thing is I THOUGHT I had BP II as I'd assumed my mania had never been severe enough to class as that, but apparently it definitely is. And now that I think about it, it definitely was very bad in the past - though not recently, like I said. :/