Am I deluding myself?

I've been with a boy I love very much for a year now, but a few months ago things got really bad. I spent all day feeling empty and suicidal and was constantly depressed, very little relief from any of my symptoms (maybe 15 minutes a day where I felt okay enough to leave my room). I didn't want to go back on medication and we were constantly fighting and the relationship fell apart.
we broke up. i decided to go to a psychiatrist and therapist on my own and got put on medication to help control the mood swings. three months passed and i started feeling like my old self again. meanwhile my ex had been my best friend through all of this, keeping me company on the long walks to my psychiatrist ( i do not drive) and helping make sure i took my medication. eventually we realized we still loved each other very much and he asked me if i would want to give the relationship another chance. i said yes. we've been back together for two months now and while we still have a few bumps in the road when my medication fails me or i am overwhelmed we fight but lately he has been trying not to react to me when i am in a bad mood.
while i do think that we came through on the other side with a much stronger relationship, i really think it is up to your wife to want to get better. if she does not get better the relationship will never work, but if she really tries she can manage her illness. i really think this is the most important thing, for her to get better before you can try to repair the relationship.
its possible some of her feelings (not being attracted to you anymore or feeling like she has lost her connection to you) are illness related, but you have to understand that if she does start to feel better and her feelings remain the same, then it was not the illness, and those feelings might never come back.

Jb my heart goes out to you, afterall your posts are the reason I finally signed up instead of just stalking these forums. Reading through your posts and responses I felt as though someone was dictating my thoughts onto the web. although our circumstances arent identical, they were close enough for me to understand exactly how you feel right now.
I am currently awaiting results I guess from her first Dr app. tomorrow after being recently FINALLY diagnosed with BP. Ignoring the feeling of why I still try when she shares no intimate feelings whatsoever. Not to mention the total lack of interest in our children. Of course I get the I still love you, but I dont feel a physical connection anymore. We have split recently and rejoined again about 6 weeks ago, since then we have been together physically once, and it wasnt comfortable for either of us. Although we sleep in the same bed every night I feel alone.
I am praying for some semblance of hope from her upcoming appointment to guide my actions in the near future.

THanks Lindz

Now that you are being treated and taking meds has your feelings towards your husband A) been a lot more favorable (loving him, wanting to be romantic with him) and B) been more consistent?

jbauls~ Mine and my husbands life has improved greatly. I'm not going to lie to you though, it took a while and A LOT of work from both of us. We are still not perfect, but much better off than before. I still have some days when I don't want anyone around and they frustrate me, but it's not nearly to the extent as before. Loving him wasn't an issue, showing it was. I'm sorry, but I don't know how to explain it properly. My sex drive has always been through the roof, except while on Depakote, so showing him I loved him in that way was the easiest for me. Like tortoise11 said, there are some medications that can literally put your sex drive in the toilet and there is really nothing anyone can do about it. Our situations are a little different, but I'm sure the same thing will happen to you both. Best of luck.