Much Better.

After a TERRIBLE day with Seroquel, it has finally worn off.  Stomach pain gone, nausea gone, appetite back.  So hungry!  I can walk and talk normally again.  I can see right.

I feel emotion again!    I can tell my fiance I love him!

I might have a pretty rotten deal in life, but a day like today makes me appreciate my rotten deal.

I am NOT taking seroquel tonight!  My fiance's 15-yr class reunion is tomorrow.  After today, he won't leave me home alone.  And I can not go in the state I was in today!!

If my mixed episode is over, I AM NOT taking seroquel!  O.M.G.    Thank god I normally have issues with only depression and the Lamictal has worked for that!  I have a bad mixed episode every 3 - 5 years.  Hopefully I'll be good for a while.

On an interesting note, my resting heart rate is close to 60.  Rage in a mixed episode is 190+!     After hours of that, no wonder I was tired!

Anyway, all is good here.  I'll be up a few more hours and might check in again.  Post if you want to chat.

Post Edited (tortoise11) : 8/27/2010 11:10:12 AM (GMT-6)

It's for the mania side. It is an atypical anti-psychotic.

Lamictal (anti-convulsant) controls the depression side well for me. But I was getting elevated mood and into a mixed episode. It wasn't really severe, but I very nearly did something so terrible that I can't talk about it online.

wow tortoise. u're really going through a lot right now. way to keep your attitude positive, though!
i remember going through a mixed episode this time of year last year.. wonder if its seasonal?
sometimes extra sleep gets me depressed too, i dont know about u..

good luck beating off that depression!

I'm already back to not sleeping much 2 - 4 hours, and IRRITABLE! *sigh* I called pdoc's office this morning about the seroquel disaster. Haven't gotten a call back yet.

So, I have TONS of extra medication. Enough to kill me. And I *know* that I should take it to the pdoc or pharmacy and get rid of it. But I don't want to. That is so twisted and wrong.

the seroquel is going to make it tough for a few days to sleep if you quit it cold turkey, even if youd only taken two doses. i wonder how crazy i must be to put up with all the side effects since nobody else around here seems to stick with seroquel as long as i have!

best of luck, i hope you are able to get some sleep soon. i have an appt on monday

No caffiene here. I haven't hardly ate anything at all and can't really remember. I'm so disoriented, I have a hard time figuring which day is which. And now that I just stopped and figured it out (it's Tuesday, BTW) I realize that I have a dog training appointment tonight. *whew!* I would have totally missed that.

Taking Lamictal - haven't missed any doses in the last week. At 150 mg. I think I am out of Klonopin. maybe 1 pill left?

I do ask for a deposit for the portraits. I'm glad I am waiting on a couple people for photos and/or deposits. I haven't been able to do that stuff for a few days.

I am having a harder and harder time resisting the urge to cut. I think I need to go buy bangle bracelets to hide them. At this point I consider it inevitable - I'd do it now, except my fiance will be home any minute now...

Right now I feel like taking Seroquel on Wed. night so I'm all effed up for my pdoc appointment. When I called the nurse, and she talked to my pdoc, and called back, she said that he said that I wasn't having a normal reaction. Although from everyone here that has been on it, it seems on par.

My fiance asked me to come to bed last night. Actually he just asked me to go to bed by midnight. And I started crying. I had a chance to tell him why I stay up late - because it is the only time I feel good. And that if I sleep, my days are still rotten and then I never feel good. He was really sweet about it and encouraged my to get my sleep cycle switched around so that he can be with me when I feel good. We hugged. I blurted out, "I don't know if I can do this!" And he's like, "What are you talking about?" I said, "Being around people [him and my son] that care about me. It's so much easier to be alone. If I die nobody would notice. and then I would have to worry about that all the time." He just hugged me. The look on his face was like "You have got to be kidding me?!" I went to bed with him - on the contingency that he would cuddle me. Which he did. And then I started kissing him... and one thing led to another. Oh, I enjoyed it! It was right when my normal/good mood hit, so I really enjoyed it! He was like, "What is that big smile for?" ... Ummm... I don't know. Because I don't feel like dying right now and I'm sending that time with you?

I was drifting off to sleep at 12:15 a.m. I assume I was asleep by 12:30 a.m. And I was wide awake at 4:30 a.m. I folded 2 loads of laundry, updated my blog. I have a new dog portrait to work on. It is an unpaid project for my portfolio. But I contacted the owner of the dog to make sure it was OK to post my work on my blog. She is so in love with the idea of having her dog's portrait done! She asked for my website. My rates are clearly posted... Maybe she will buy it? :shrug:

I'm twitching. Gimping out. Running all over the house cleaning everything and getting distracted by stupid things like filing my fingernails. LOL! Talking to myself in pressured speech. Can't turn off my mind. LOL

Bedrooms are clean, beds made, clothes put away. Dishes washed, kitchen cleaned. Vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom next. How long will that take me?! lol

Woot! :D

Oh hun, you sound like me last week. lol Cleaned the bathrooms, swept, mopped, did dishes, laundry, and cleaned the downstairs carpets at like 2 am! Then, had to have a date with my vibrating friend and still had energy to spare ahahaha. Try to slow down a little hun. I'm glad you're having fun though lol. All I know, is the bigger up I have, the lower down I have. Have you tried a walk, not run, just a simple walk?

Lindz

I crashed a few hours ago. I went to pick up a bunch of tomatoes at my fiance's work. I brought the dogs in too because there was a vet tech intern that needed to apply Frontline for her checkoff list thing and our dogs needed frontline. I had to sit around and wait for a while. (If I was in a mood, this would have caused awful anxiety). My fiance was inbetween appointments, so we sat in his office and chatted.

about 30 minutes before he got home and the end of the day I crashed. He comes home and is like - "That's not the same girl I saw at work today." Umm... yeah. no crap. Grrr.

I gave up and laid down, curled up in my blanket, crying. I eventually fell asleep. I was starting to wake up and fell OK-ish when he came in to wake me up and tempt me to eat with a homemade "cheddar bay" biscuit. It worked. :)

I asked him to help me go take care of the rabbits because I couldn't remember the last time I had taken care of them. One had died. I couldn't help but to actually say my thoughts, "I can't do anything right, I'm a failure" etc. I think he was a little surprised by that. But that is what goes on in my head CONSTANTLY when I'm in a mood like that. I'll never amount to anything. I'm going to destroy my relationship and then I'll be homeless and lose my son. I can't do anything right. I have no future. My life is a sham. There's no point to my life. It's not worth living. And continue into various suicide plans/strategies. I can go from zero to suicidal in about 2 minutes.

I really CANNOT go on like this. I wanted to cut so badly today, but I couldn't find my razor blades. It is really bothering me now. :( I don't know if I moved them or if he hid them. And if he hid them, I'll be p*ssed off! Oh well. Going shopping tomorrow. Ill just buy some more and keep them hidden.

I slept 8 - 9 hours, and I'm OK. Good. Tired! I might go back to bed yet this morning.

TY, Genetic! :)

I miss Horse Crazy too. Waiting for her to comment on SouthernBelle's threads.